Interestingly enough, I have a Bully Dog Watchdog which I bought for $299, I added the exhaust probe for pyro readings. It plugs into the OBD port and does everything already mentioned above plus much more (except "sonic screwdriver for roadside repairs or a titanium spork for a quick snack" ). I especially like the DRIVER COACH built into it. This gives instantaneous and average mpg for overall as well as for trip. You can additionally set it up with up to 4 different guages down the left side, your choice of which guages you want to see. It can be adjusted for accurate mpg and vehicle speed. It will do settings such as fog lights on with brights, door unlocks with/without chirp. Can read rail pressure, fuel usage, etc. Some features won't work on pre 2006 vehicles but still a worthwhile setup. You can also get the Watchdog with the Triple Dog tuner built in for I think $699. Real easy to use, just plug into the OBD.
And it also reads the DTC's with an explanation of the code.