Blond Jokes

[JoelMartin]

What does the blond say when you blow in her ear? "Thanx for the refill. "

 

[BigPapa]

What do blondes and cow piles have in common?











The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. :-laf



Scott

 

[GAmes]

What did the blond say when told she was pregnant?











How do you know it's mine?

 

[Pawpaw]

What do you call a blond in a leather jacket?



Rebel without a clue.



=======



What's the difference between a blond and a brick?



When you lay a brick, it doesn't follow you around for three days.

 

[AMink]

How do you drown a blonde? Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.



How do you know a blonde has been working on your computer? There's white-out on the screen.



A blonde locked herself out of her car. She was very upset because it was raining and the top was down.

 

[phloop]

Here's six to enjoy.



ONE: Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you

could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half

dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the blond at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.

"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

"That's right. "

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.





TWO: I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and

the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up

one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed

it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the blond had

scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all

over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she

said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed

my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today. " She said "OK," and I paid

her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.





THREE: A blond at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy

drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she

was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept

asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy. "





FOUR: I recently saw a distraught young blond weeping beside her car.

"Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote

door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing

to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.

"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys

to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why

don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long

walk. "





FIVE: Several years ago, we had a blond intern who was none too swift. One

day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out

of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.

With that, the blond intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put

it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.





SIX: A blond calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs

to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants.

The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be

fine.

The blond says, "I just gave him some ant killer..... "

Dispatcher: "Rush him in to emergency!"

 

[JoelMartin]

Hey phloop, you should have put on half dozen jokes instead of six. LOL! Keep them coming.

 

[JFlagg]

Know why blondes don't make good ranchers?





They can't keep their calves together!

 

[phloop]

OK here is a blond joke. Read with caution as it is kinda political.



On second thought I don't think I will post it. If you want it, PM me.

 

[mjendrejcak]

I'm filling up the other and a VM bettle tdi pulls up behind me. Blonde gets out and asks if I was going to be long. I said I just started to fill up, you can use the pump on the other side. She responds but the filly thingy is on this side of the car.

 

[Missouri Mule]

A blonde pulled up to New York City bank and parked her Jag. She went into the bank and asked for the loan office. At the loan office she asked if she could loan 2000. 00 dollars. She was going Europe for two weeks and would put up her Jag for collateral. The loan office called the President of the bank and he agreed.

Two weeks later the blonde shows up at the bank to pay off her loan and interest. The bank President meets her as she is leaving. He tells her they did a back ground check on her and she is quite well off why would she put her Jag up for collateral.

She smiles and says where else could I park for two weeks in New York City for 14 dollars.

 

[phloop]

Pregnant Turkey.....



One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick.



She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird (s) back in the oven.



When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.



With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, 'Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!' At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.



It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!



Yup... ... ... ... ... . SHE'S BLONDE



:-laf:-laf

 

[bmoeller]

How do you know a blonde has been working on your computer? There's white-out on the screen.

Or, the joystick is wet.

 

[cap-n-cray]

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists. "





Cary

 

[phloop]

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists. "





Cary

Not a true blond joke, the math works out. :-laf

 

[DennyDay]

What do you call a Blond with high blood pressure?





A Red Head!



DD

 

[cap-n-cray]

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?







Run like he!!, she has a hand grenade in her mouth.



Cary

 

[cap-n-cray]

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 'It's golf balls. Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, 'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?'



Cary

 

[JoelMartin]

Josh was helping Sally, a blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit. " Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said,"It's part of my emergency repair kit. "

Josh said,"I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied,"In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires. "

 

[Tom W]

True story. Boss said he was going to play golf. Secretary said there was a 70% chance of rain. Boss said then there's a 30% chance it won't rain. Secretary asks "who told you that?"