Attention: TDR Forum Junkies 
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7. 0 to Wife 1. 0. I soon noticed that the
new program began with unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space
and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1. 0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activities such as: Poker Night 10. 3, Football 5. 0 and
Golf 7. 5
I can't seem to keep Wife 1. 0 in the background while attempting to run my
favourite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7. 0, but the
uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1. 0. Please HELP!!
Thanks,
A Troubled User
Reply
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very, very common problem that men complain about. Many people
upgrade from Girlfriend 7. 0 to Wife 1. 0, thinking that it is just a Utilities
and Entertainment program. Wife 1. 0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by
its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1. 0 and to return to Girlfriend 7. 0. It
is impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system once
installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7. 0 because Wife 1. 0 is designed to
not allow this.
Look in your Wife 1. 0 manual under Warnings - Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1. 0 and work on improving the situation. I also
suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software
augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will
return to normal anyway.
Wife 1. 0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! It
comes with several support programs, such as: Clean and Sweep 3. 0, Cook 1. 5 and
Do Bills 4. 2. However, be very careful how you use these programs; improper use
will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9. 5.
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1. 0 is to
purchase additional software. I recommend: Flowers 2. 1, Hugs 4. 3 and especially
Diamonds 5. 0
WARNING!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt
3. 3. This application is not supported by Wife 1. 0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
****************************
****************************
A lady was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up toward heaven, she said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and tequila. "
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
She looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one. "
****************************
****************************
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead. "
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
****************************
****************************
A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man. "
The other man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years. "
****************************
****************************
These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe…
1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).
7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
-Dave F
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7. 0 to Wife 1. 0. I soon noticed that the
new program began with unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space
and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1. 0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activities such as: Poker Night 10. 3, Football 5. 0 and
Golf 7. 5
I can't seem to keep Wife 1. 0 in the background while attempting to run my
favourite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7. 0, but the
uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1. 0. Please HELP!!
Thanks,
A Troubled User
Reply
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very, very common problem that men complain about. Many people
upgrade from Girlfriend 7. 0 to Wife 1. 0, thinking that it is just a Utilities
and Entertainment program. Wife 1. 0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by
its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1. 0 and to return to Girlfriend 7. 0. It
is impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system once
installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7. 0 because Wife 1. 0 is designed to
not allow this.
Look in your Wife 1. 0 manual under Warnings - Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1. 0 and work on improving the situation. I also
suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software
augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will
return to normal anyway.
Wife 1. 0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! It
comes with several support programs, such as: Clean and Sweep 3. 0, Cook 1. 5 and
Do Bills 4. 2. However, be very careful how you use these programs; improper use
will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9. 5.
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1. 0 is to
purchase additional software. I recommend: Flowers 2. 1, Hugs 4. 3 and especially
Diamonds 5. 0
WARNING!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt
3. 3. This application is not supported by Wife 1. 0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
****************************
****************************
A lady was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up toward heaven, she said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and tequila. "
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
She looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one. "
****************************
****************************
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead. "
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
****************************
****************************
A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man. "
The other man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years. "
****************************
****************************
These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe…
1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).
7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
-Dave F
