Brother/Dog problem--Gotta vent....

[bighammer]

We're having a family gathering next month and both my parents (84) will be there along with their youngest great grandson. (2 months) Both my brothers and their families will be at our house with my nieces and nephews.

We reserved rooms at a nice hotel in town for my parents, both brothers and their wives, and the oldest nephew and his wife (with the newborn) When I emailed my brother, he indicated he was bringing his dog, a large Golden. We told him that 25 people in our house for a meal was too much to have a large dog as well. We offered to have the dog go the kennel we will be boarding both of ours in for the weekend if he didn't have something he could work out to leave the dog. Instead of an understanding "sorry I tried to invite my dog" we got an angry email about how we hurt his feelings and he will keep him on a leash or maybe not come at all. :{

I can't believe my own brother is 1) so thin skinned and 2) totally owned by his dog.

The dog is 6 or 7 years old, but you would swear it wasn't even 2 yet. It's totally spoiled and and out of control. It tugs wildly at the leash almost constantly. When he does calm down, my brother gives him more food from the table or something equally stupid and it's back to the races.

Usually at my parents' house, at some point the dog gets (or is let) loose and makes a beeline for the kitchen. It jumps up and a paw literally sweeps and rakes the countertop of food, dishes, etc. He's had the main course, he's had the desert, he's had scraps, it all depends on his timing. My brother and family just sort of laugh it off like it's some kind of joke for an 84 year old woman to spend time in the kitchen for the dog to wolf it down.

My wife is as floored as I am that my brother could be so rude.

 

[AMink]

Sorry, but you don't have a dog problem, you have a brother problem. Dogs are the product of their environment, just as children are. I think the offer you made was totally appropriate. If he can't find someone to watch the dog and he doesn't want to kennel the dog, he can stay home. Or maybe you can kennel the bro and invite the dog.

Sincerely,
Ann Landers:-laf

 

[bighammer]

I realized the title was wrong as I was proofreading it. (after posting)

EDIT: Fixed it

 

[AHarris]

That dog would find its way into a cargo container bound for China if it ever entered my home. I'd tell your bro to stick it.

 

[bighammer]

That dog would find its way into a cargo container bound for China if it ever entered my home. I'd tell your bro to stick it.

If he shows up with the dog, I think a LEO escort off my property would be better than what I'd want to do to both of them.

It's sad, but I don't even feel like he's really my brother anymore.

 

[bighammer]

That dog would find its way into a cargo container bound for China if it ever entered my home. I'd tell your bro to stick it.

I'd bet an empty truck bound for Marenisco would be far enough. :-laf

(I had to look up where you were and then realized I had been thru there. I must've sneezed or was changing the music or something )

 

[Hoefler]

Bottom line, it is your Castle, you make the rules, if he does not like them, he should stay home. If he shows up with the dog, politely tell him he is welcome, but the dog is not. And suggest a good kennel.

 

[bighammer]

Sorry, but you don't have a dog problem, you have a brother problem. Dogs are the product of their environment, just as children are. I think the offer you made was totally appropriate. If he can't find someone to watch the dog and he doesn't want to kennel the dog, he can stay home. Or maybe you can kennel the bro and invite the dog.

Sincerely,
Ann Landers:-laf

I keep reading this and it really helps to know that I AM BEING A REASONABLE PERSON and I've done everything I can to make this right. If he wants to be an idiot and put his dog first, so be it. *******! :-laf

 

[bighammer]

I should note, it's VERY helpful to share this with my TDR family and not my real family. I really appreciate the input.

I haven't told anyone else in our family so if he can get beyond it, it's over and I will forget it. If he choose to make a fool of himself, the picture he paints will be his own without my influence.

 

[TRLRTRSH]

The only thing I would change about any of the preceding posts is the brother would be in the container bound for china, at least the dog could/can be retrained.



Bighammer enjoy the family gathering regardless of what happens

 

[Harlacher]

I would get your parents input and ask them to talk to your brother. .



If they won't, then I agree with everyone else, dog and brother need to be put in the container.

 

[bighammer]

I would get your parents input and ask them to talk to your brother. .

If they won't, then I agree with everyone else, dog and brother need to be put in the container.

I thought about involving the parents, but they're too old (and so are we) and shouldn't have to worry about crap like this.

 

[scootergmc]

I know he's your brother, but I don't understand why he would think he could just "bring" his dog to your gathering, unless he's one of those weirdos who bring their dogs everywhere. Then again, I don't understand those people anyway...

I think you should give him options, but whatever you do, call him on the phone. I know he emailed, and that's just gutless. Chances are you get him on the phone and he sings a different tune.

 

[fox]

Here is my take on it.

Your brother is getting attention with the dog.

Simply tell him the dog STAYS outside. No other option.

He is not doing the dog any good by not teaching him good behavior.

most likely he brought the dog into the family before he taught him discipline too.



I am a dog person.

I had a Black lab that was better behaved than 80% of the kids she was around. I'm raising another as we speak.

This dog was not allowed in anyones house unless she was invited. And she knew it, would not cross a threshold without my permission. If I said HEAL, she did. If I said STOP, STAY or many other commands, she did them.

She was an inside dog too. I vacuumed and cleaned up after her IF there was an issue.

After she was 3 years old, many family members ASKED me to bring her. They couldn't believe I FOUND such a nice dog!!! ( I trainer her)



Anyway, your brothers dog will get hurt by a car or something someday and he still won't understand it.

Stand firm with him, don't get all wrapped up with this. Make the rules and enforce them.

When my dog wanted something she figured out how to tell me. NEVER did she steal food or even think of getting on a counter top to take it.

My MIL was the first to say no dog. I respected it.

When she would visit, she found how nice Spout was and doxens of time would ask, and take her home with her for the night!!!! It was quite cute how the two bonded!!!!



But, this isn't for everyone, and a dog is a lower class of animal-----except for people like your brother, who places the dog on a pedistal.

 

[fest3er]

I should note, it's VERY helpful to share this with my TDR family and not my real family. I really appreciate the input.



I haven't told anyone else in our family so if he can get beyond it, it's over and I will forget it. If he choose to make a fool of himself, the picture he paints will be his own without my influence.

Pete, we here're like grandparents. When the kids get to be too much, GPs just hand them back to the parents and go on their merry way. Here we offer reasonable opinions (for the most part), then go on our merry ways. But we don't have to interact with your family.



I would strongly discipline such a dog in my own house, as in a good thwack with a rolled-up newspaper on the snout each and every time the dog misbehaves coupled with the same stern word each time. (Remember, dogs only have 40 neurons, so the feedback has to be limited in scope. And cats only have 20 neurons, so they're easier to train. ) And after the third time the dog misbehaves, I'd lock him in the brother's car. And tell the brother he can either leave the dog alone in the car, or bring him home. And were I you, I'd do the same thing in your parents' home.



I have a sister who is similarly selfish, but in a completely different way. Six of us siblings pretty much have no contact with her any more. They visited Dad here for a day or two not long ago. I never did see them; I was in my 'office' working the whole time.



Life's too short to let anyone make you miserable, even family. There're far too many decent folk in the world to waste even a moment on someone who is so self-absorbed as to ignore the effects of their choices on others.

 

[WDaniels]

Sitck to your guns BigHammer.

Just like Hoefler says... .

Bottom line, it is your Castle, you make the rules, if he does not like them he should stay home.

WD

 

[bighammer]

It's really surprising he'd be so unreasonable. It sounds more like a 6 year old than a 56 year old. :{


I'm sorry that you are choosing to have hurt feelings, but our decision regarding the dogs (yours and ours) remains the same. We hope you will still join us.

Pete and Lisa<o></o>
<o>
</o><o></o>
Thanks for being so thoughtful and understanding<o></o>
I do respect this is your house and your party, but I thought this family reunion was for everyone. <o></o>
Please cancel any room reservation for Cindi and me. <o></o>
Not sure what Nina or Nick want to do. We may just drop them off at your house and take Gus for a walk somewhere. I think there are some nice places for walks up there. We will find them. <o></o>
On the other hand, we may just cancel all of our plans. <o></o>
See you some other time. <o></o>
<o></o>
Chris

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[scootergmc]

My suggestion is to pick up the phone and call... emails are so impersonal, especially with family.

 

[MShaheen]

tell him to grow a set, its only a friggen dog. Nothing bothers me more than people who can't be reasoned with in the face of common sense.

 

[Extreme1]

Wow, 6 might be a little generous. The FAMILY reunion IS for EVERYONE, not EVERYTHING. Pets are pets, not family.