Dodge Diesel's for Dummies

[Tippin Spotted Cow]

I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed this but a good portion of people lose about 50 points off their IQ when they sit in the passenger's seat of a Dodge Diesel for the first time. Admittedly, I didn't know everything about diesels when I bought mine, and none of my buddies had anything diesel back then, but I wasn't half this dumb (I hope). So I've been meaning to put together a compilation of my responses to the stupidest things that have come out of people's mouths, and tape it over the glove compartment, so they don't even need to ask anymore. Here's what I have so far, feel free to add to the list. In no particular order:



1. Yes, this is a diesel.

2. No, it doesn't sound like that because somethings wrong

3. No, it is not a manual, thats the four wheel drive selector

4. That is a trailer brake control under the dashboard not a radar detector

5. Yes, that is a CB Radio mounted to the ceiling

6. No, you can't talk on it

7. It's a Cummins, CUM-INZ, NOT a Cum-INGZ, there is no "G"

8. It's a Dodge, there are labels all over the place, look around

9. It's a Ram W250, don't call it an F150, or an "F" anything, for that matter

10. It is not a V8, it's better

11. No, it does not have a Hemi

12. The whistling noise is my turbo, there's nothing wrong with my truck

13. No, I can't make it any quieter so I don't wake up your parents

14. No, technically the stacks are not legal... technically

15. Yes, I have gotten pulled over for them

16. The black smoke is normal from a diesel, once again, nothing is wrong with my truck

17. No, you can't drive it

18. No, I can't fill it up with gasoline

19. Yes, there really is 270,000 miles on it

20. At this point, if you still don't like it, the door is to your right, the road is right below you, I hope you wore your walking shoes. Also, I'm not stopping for you, so you may want to time it with a stoplight or learn to tuck and roll if, heaven forbid, you tell me you don't like my truck while on the freeway

 

[Grizzly]

Good start. You could add, "It's an oil burner".

 

[Jgolden]

My first gen is a motorhome and very few front engine motorhomes are Diesel. I get this a lot and I'm sure Dodge drivers do too, "Hey, you know you are putting diesel fuel in that thing!"

 

[dodgenstein]

For us 12v guys- NO IT DOESN"T HAVE A "CHIP" IN IT!!!!

 

[lil red cummins]

GREAT!

love them all.

How about "no those gauges are not factory installed, dodge doesn't think they are necessary"

Jim

 

[PToombs]

For us 12v guys- Yup, it's got a chip, lotsa them, right there on the front of the hood.

 

[Allnew2Me]

Tippin, you gotta stop letting blonds in your truck man. :-laf

 

[PToombs]

:-laf:-laf:-laf

 

[peobryant]

How about

"yes I know I have a stack and an underbed exhaust... "

 

[DieselBuzz]

How 'bout this

"Is there a knob to turn up the power?"

(I'll crack you in the knob if you don't stop!) That's what your inside voice says.

 

[Shadrach]

10. It is not a V8, it's better - I only need 6 cyl to make this much power. Shadrach

 

[cerberusiam]

Tippin, you gotta stop letting blonds in your truck man. :-laf

LMFWAO!! :-laf:-laf Oh, to be that young and adventurous again. Oo.



How about "No, it doesn't need a valve adjustment. "

 

[icman95]

"No, I don't need to change the spark plugs every 50k miles, but if you want to keep yourself busy, please help me find the right part number for the distributor cap. ":-laf

 

[JLEONARD]

It is not a V8, it's better - I only need 6 cyl to make this much power

No it's not a V8. . it's only a 6 cylinder is what I used to say

 

[Greenleaf]

I hade this friend in my wife's truck as we went to the farm supply store. He DID ask about the shrill whistle from under the hood. And I recall him commenting about the fact I'm not afraid to use it... ... ... . I think he meant the throttle.

 

[Tippin Spotted Cow]

The worst one was a buddy of mine who knows nothing about cars or trucks or motors. It was about a week after I bought the truck, and he had rode in it more than a few times already. So my "LOW FUEL" light comes on, and he looks at me and says "You need to get gas. " Naturally, I said "Actually, I need to get diesel. " He just laughed a little. We drove past a few gas stations and he asked why I didn't stop at them and I said "because they don't have diesel. " He laughed again. I pulled up at the green pumps at a gas station finally, and he looks at me and says "this thing really is a diesel?!" I didn't know what to say to him. I asked him why he thought it sounded like that and he said "I don't know, I just thought something was wrong with it. "

 

[JDiepstra]

Don't forget to add "Pffffftsh"!



Can be used almost anytime... is it broke? got a hemi? your muffler fall off? etc

 

[JGrefenstette]

had a boy the other day at work, ask me "is that truck of yours really got a Cummins Diesel in it"... . i was quiet for a minute, then askes him " you really thinkn id go an put all those stickers and emblems on a dodge truck that wasnt a cummins?" he laughed and said that he'd seen it done before. some people just plain crack me up. oh and heres another favorite. youll apreciate this matt. people for some reason LOVE to ask if my stacks are functional, or "what are those big black things?" or "nice mufflers" or "does your exhaust actually come out of those pipes" i had a guy at a traffic light pull up beside me and ask if my stacks were fake, i didnt say a word, just floored it and let the black smoke rising above my cab answer the idiot. HERES YOUR SIGN!!!

 

[Ctdchris]

My personal favorite (maybe its just where i live) is, "man that thing is loud, you should cut out your muffler and make it really loud!"



I one time almost got into a full blown argument with some idiot at the Dodge dealership (not an employee) no less. He informed me that '94 was the first year Dodge used Cummins engines, and the previous owner of my truck transplanted the Cummins into it. Nothing I could say would convince him otherwise.



Those are the ones that really get me. Not the people who know nothing about vehicles, but the people who THINK they know everything about vehicles. Like the Ford guy who tells you that you are an idiot for thinking your diesel doesn't have glow plugs, because "all diesels have glow plugs"



Chris

 

[Tippin Spotted Cow]

I'm a little curious about where this guy thought you would have gotten a badge on your truck that says "RAM 250/CUMMINS TURBO DIESEL" from, considering that '94 and after the trucks were 2500 and 3500.