Drinking joke

[mcoleman]

A Mexican drinks his tequila & suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a pistol & shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice. "







An Iraqi obviously impressed by this, drinks his camel beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK 47 & shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Iraq we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either. "







A US Marine, cool as a cucumber, picks up his Miller Lite & drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his M-9 Baretta & shoots the Mexican & the Iraqi. He says "In America we have so many Mexicans & Arabs that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice. "

 

[Wayno]

Originally posted by mcoleman

A Mexican drinks his tequila & suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a pistol & shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice. "







An Iraqi obviously impressed by this, drinks his camel beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK 47 & shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Iraq we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either. "







A US Marine, cool as a cucumber, picks up his Miller Lite & drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his M-9 Baretta & shoots the Mexican & the Iraqi. He says "In America we have so many Mexicans & Arabs that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice. "

Oo. Oo. Oo. Oo.

 

[JSmith]

:-{}

 

[rrausch]

That's really good... hope it doesn't get pulled!

 

[SRadke]

I heard one about a guy that stumbled home drunk at 2:00 in the morning only to find his wife in the doorway with a broom. Any sober person could see she was getting ready to beat him senseless with it but he paused on the front walk, leaning on the side of the garage, looked up at her and said "You still cleaning or fixin to fly outta here on that thing?"

 

[mcoleman]

ROFLMAO!!!

 

[CChase]

Then there's the one about the two drinking buddies...



One night at the bar they get to talking about going home to their wives. First guy says "Every night I come out drinking, I go home late, try and sneak in the house being as quiet as I can be, but inevitably my wife wakes up and reads me the riot act about being home late and drunk".



His buddy tells him that there is a way to fix that. "Just do what I do... . when you get home, tear open the door, slam it shut behind you, stomp your feet up the stairs and about half way up the stairs yell "HEY BABY, WANNA #$&*". My wife pretends she's sound asleep and hasn't heard a thing. "

 

[rrausch]

A Boss and his secretary are having a torrid affair, and one afternoon they take off work and go to her apt. where he ravishes her. Then they fall asleep. They wake up about 7:00 p. m. and the man hurredly pulls his clothes on. He hands his shoes to his secretary and says, "Here... take these out and rub the toes hard into the grass outside. " She does this. He gets his briefcase and heads out the apt. door, slipping his shoes on as she hands them to him. He drives home, walks in the door and there's his wife standing with her hands on her hips. The wife is NOT pleased. She says, "I called your office all afternoon. Where the hell have YOU been?" He says, "Honey, I cannot tell a lie, I am having a passionate affair with my secretary and we took the afternoon off and we have been making love in her apt. all afternoon. " His wife is still standing in front of him, hands on her hips, and she looks him up and down, notices the grass stains on his shoes, and says, "You damm liar, you've been playing GOLF all afternoon haven't you!"

 

[Radshooter]

Two guys are sitting at a bar talkiing about their wives. The first says "My wife is a real angel. " The second guy replies "You are lucky..... mine is still alive. "

 

[MDietrich]

Kind of similar to mcoleman's, more of a local flare.



A Texan, Nebraskan, and a Iowan are riding horses on the plains.



After a while the Texan pulls a fine bottle of whiskey out of his saddle bag, takes one swig, another, then throws the bottle up and shoots it with his six shooter.



The Nebraskan says "What a waste of a fine whiskey and bottle".

The Texan replies " In Texas all the whiskey is the best, there is plenty of it, and the bottles are cheap".



A little later the Nebraskan pulls a bottle of champagne out of his saddle bag. He takes a drink, takes another, tosses the bottle in the air and shoots it with his six shooter.



The Iowan says "What a waste of a fine champagne and bottle".

The Nebraskan replies "When the Cornhuskers win a football game the champagne flows freely throughout the state, there is plenty of it, and the bottles are cheap".



The Iowan takes a can of beer from his bag. He takes one swig, another, then drinks the whole can. He puts it back in his saddle bag, pulls his six shooter, and blasts the Nebraskan off his horse.



The Texan is shocked! "Why in the he!! did you do that!" he asks.

The Iowan replies "Well, in Iowa their are plenty of Nebraska Cornhusker fans, and the cans are worth 5 cents".

 

[Jumbo Jet]

Not a drinking joke, but makes you want to buy the doctor one!



A lady from Missoula, Montana who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of the natural splendour of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.



In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.



In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. She told him what an environmentalist and anti-hunter she was, and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her.





She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.





The angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?"



He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area and I'm sorry, but they all turned me down. "

 

[MDietrich]

:-laf :-laf :-laf at all!

 

[mcoleman]

Yep, Gonna have to print this page out.

 

[BJMarshall]

Man walks up to the bar and says "Gimme 12 shots of tequila"

The man starts drinking them almost as fast as the bartender is pouring them. On about the seventh shot, the bartender says "slow down man, there's no need to dirnk that fast" The man replies "You would drink this fast too if you had what I have" The bartender asks " well exactly what is it that you have?"

The patron replies "25 cents"

 

[AKAMAC]

You guys crack me up!!!!!!!!!!

My dog just jumped up on me and started wining wondering what I was laughing at. Poor guy doesn't know how to read.