Attention: TDR Forum Junkies 1 - When his . 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim
during a holdup in Long Beach, California, robber
James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: he peered down
the
barrel and tried the trigger again. Happily for
most concerned, this time it worked.
2 - Laborer Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama, redefined the limits of
tactlessness when he opened his eyes after surgery to restore his sight and
said agreeably to his wife: 'Boy, you sure have got fat in four years. '
3 - The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a
finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around,
submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting
negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He
tried the
machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
4 - Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti, Rumania, were
naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly leapt from her coffin as
it
was being carried to the grave. Before they could react to this
unexpected
outburst, the woman bounded into the nearest road, where she was run over
and killed by a passing car.
5 - An American tourist in South America had the misfortune to be
attacked
by killer bees as he stood on the bank of the Amazon. Seeking refuge, he
leapt
into the river - and was devoured by piranha fish.
6 - A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather coconuts from
trees
demonstrated a pressing need for a refresher course when it leapt onto
the
shoulders of a passerby in Kuala Lumpur and tried to twist his head off.
The passerby was treated at a local hospital for a sprained neck.
7 - In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, a sixteen-year-old youth was charged
with
beating up his fifteen-year-old wife after the latter hid the caps to his
toy
pistol.
8 - A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during
a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the
space. Understandably, he shot her dead.
9 - One of the criteria by which Miss Nude USA was
chosen in 1979 was taste in clothing.
10 - After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the
driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone in the queue a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to
bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
11 - In Minneapolis, USA, 28 year old Derrick L Richardson has been
charged
with third-degree murder of his much loved cousin, Ken E Richardson.
According to local police, Derrick had suggested to Ken that they play a
game
of Russian Roulette, but, having no revolver,
instead put a semiautomatic pistol to his cousin's head. Apparently, he
did
not realize that one bullet always loads into the
firing chamber of a semiautomatic.
12 - Texan prisons have banned convicts on death
row from having a last cigarette, on the grounds that it is bad for their
health. However, to compensate for this, condemned men will instead be
permitted to chew a stick of celery.
13 - An American teenager was in hospital yesterday
recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.
When
asked about how he received the injuries, the lad told the police that
he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving
train before he was hit.
14 - Thrash-happy judges in Saudi Arabia have
sentenced a Filipino man to 75 lashes for possession of alcohol - after
he
was
caught with two chocolate liqueurs at an airport.
15 - Following the initiatives of the Afghan
Taliban government - which has banned kite-flying, TV watching and
wearing
white
socks - Iran is also cracking down on its more decadent citizens.
Ayatollah Mohammed Yadzi has decreed that dog walking is to be made
illegal,
saying that taking dogs out onto the streets was 'a public insult,' as it
was
a
blind imitation of Westerners.
16. A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her
an
examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It
only
took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Gimmee a break lady! Your
daughter
is pregnant. " The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the
doctor
that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her
reputation
by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently
watched
the horizon. The mother became enraged an screamed, "Quit looking out
the
window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying
attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star
appeared
in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they would show up
again
and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a
free trip around the sun.
during a holdup in Long Beach, California, robber
James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: he peered down
the
barrel and tried the trigger again. Happily for
most concerned, this time it worked.
2 - Laborer Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama, redefined the limits of
tactlessness when he opened his eyes after surgery to restore his sight and
said agreeably to his wife: 'Boy, you sure have got fat in four years. '
3 - The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a
finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around,
submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting
negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He
tried the
machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
4 - Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti, Rumania, were
naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly leapt from her coffin as
it
was being carried to the grave. Before they could react to this
unexpected
outburst, the woman bounded into the nearest road, where she was run over
and killed by a passing car.
5 - An American tourist in South America had the misfortune to be
attacked
by killer bees as he stood on the bank of the Amazon. Seeking refuge, he
leapt
into the river - and was devoured by piranha fish.
6 - A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather coconuts from
trees
demonstrated a pressing need for a refresher course when it leapt onto
the
shoulders of a passerby in Kuala Lumpur and tried to twist his head off.
The passerby was treated at a local hospital for a sprained neck.
7 - In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, a sixteen-year-old youth was charged
with
beating up his fifteen-year-old wife after the latter hid the caps to his
toy
pistol.
8 - A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during
a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the
space. Understandably, he shot her dead.
9 - One of the criteria by which Miss Nude USA was
chosen in 1979 was taste in clothing.
10 - After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the
driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone in the queue a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to
bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
11 - In Minneapolis, USA, 28 year old Derrick L Richardson has been
charged
with third-degree murder of his much loved cousin, Ken E Richardson.
According to local police, Derrick had suggested to Ken that they play a
game
of Russian Roulette, but, having no revolver,
instead put a semiautomatic pistol to his cousin's head. Apparently, he
did
not realize that one bullet always loads into the
firing chamber of a semiautomatic.
12 - Texan prisons have banned convicts on death
row from having a last cigarette, on the grounds that it is bad for their
health. However, to compensate for this, condemned men will instead be
permitted to chew a stick of celery.
13 - An American teenager was in hospital yesterday
recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.
When
asked about how he received the injuries, the lad told the police that
he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving
train before he was hit.
14 - Thrash-happy judges in Saudi Arabia have
sentenced a Filipino man to 75 lashes for possession of alcohol - after
he
was
caught with two chocolate liqueurs at an airport.
15 - Following the initiatives of the Afghan
Taliban government - which has banned kite-flying, TV watching and
wearing
white
socks - Iran is also cracking down on its more decadent citizens.
Ayatollah Mohammed Yadzi has decreed that dog walking is to be made
illegal,
saying that taking dogs out onto the streets was 'a public insult,' as it
was
a
blind imitation of Westerners.
16. A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her
an
examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It
only
took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Gimmee a break lady! Your
daughter
is pregnant. " The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the
doctor
that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her
reputation
by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently
watched
the horizon. The mother became enraged an screamed, "Quit looking out
the
window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying
attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star
appeared
in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they would show up
again
and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a
free trip around the sun.
