It goes against your inclination and caution when backing, but you must give the engine sufficient fuel to power the weight when backing, just as you do going forward. The jerking you are experiencing is the engine struggling to run against too much load and not enough fuel.
Higher gearing than you desire at that point, compared to the slow speed you wish to use when backing, is the culprit and can only be addressed in these trucks with 1> lower gearing being installed in your axles; or 2> being able to use a lower reverse gear range, which only a 4x4 t-case or underdrive unit can provide.
Obviously, the cheapest and simplest solution is to enable use of 4-Lo when backing. That can lead to binding in your t-case in certain situations, especially with dry pavement and a heavy load combining to cause excellent traction, which does not allow slippage of either the front or rear wheels when they need to.
If you install a kit to allow you to separate the 4wd function from the Lo-range function in your t-case, you can then take advantage of the lower gearing your t-case provides without binding your driveline.
Other than that, you need to simply get comfortable with backing under power. The speed is not uncontrollably faster than trying to idle in reverse up an incline. Practice backing 'at speed' on a flat area, then give it some go-juice when doing it uphill.
As a trucker, I had to learn to do the same thing long ago. If you allow it to jerk, you cannot control the truck and trailer and you will definitely break something eventually.
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