Here I am

Life is already hard. Try being stupid once...

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ONE: Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right. " So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets



TWO: I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today. " She said "OK," and I paid her for the

things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.



THREE: A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy. "



FOUR: I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk. "



FIVE: Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.



SIX: My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"



SEVEN: Police in Radnor, Pa , interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.



EIGHT: A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine, the mother says, I ju st gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room!





Life is tough.



It's tougher if you're stupid
 
Here's a for real one:



When I was a pup I worked on the Middle Fork of the Flathead, Schaffer Meadows just outside Montana's Bog Marshes Wilderness in what is today the Great Bear Wilderness. We had an individual on the crew named Ralph, a newbie.



One day the woods were closed because of the fire danger was extreme. So we were restricted to working around the work center waiting for a major conflagration to occur. This was excellent opportunity to rebuild hitch rails, corrals, and cut firewood. I was on the hitch rail crew out front of the station. Ralph was bucking up firewood.



He had the chainsaw chaps on, but not zipped up. Jay told Ralph to zip up the chaps. So, Ralph zipped the inside zips together like an apron.



A while later Jay saw Ralph and told him that not how they were suppose to be. A bit later we heard "RALPH, get those blankety blank chaps on right!". We look over and Ralph had zipped the fronts and backs together like a skirt and was hobbling around with this tight skirt on trying to cut firewood. :rolleyes:



Of course, I've never done anything boneheaded, and thus, can cast the first stone. :-laf
 
ROFL! OTD, that is funny right there!



I can just picture some knucklehead hobbling around with those chaps all zipped together wrong!



Jeff
 
I work for a pharmacy that packages and delivers medications to nursing homes. I had a nurse call because she had just gotten a new order for an antibiotic and she needed to start it right away. I said no problem, I will get it filled and have a driver bring it over, it will be there in about 90 minutes. (they were about 45 miles from us) She said "I need to start it sooner than that, can you just fax the first dose to me?"
 
Maybe this one is just a generational thing, but... I was in Wally World on evening, in automotive. Two college guys (I live near Va Tech, an ENGINEERING school) came up and asked me if I knew where the engine coolant was. I said, "Anti-Freeze?" "NO, engine coolant!" So I went further, "You mean the stuff that goes into the radiator??" They were serious, "No, it goes into the engine coolant reservoir. "



I walked around the next aisle and pointed to the anti-freeze. "This should work until you can find engine coolant. " I think they spent the next 5 minutes reading the labels.



AND... when I was stationed in Williamsburg, Va. , in the mid-80s, there was a robbery of a nearby bank. It was winter, so it got dark early, which the robber was obviously counting on. The police were able to track him through the woods as if it was daylight.



This was about the time that those shoes came out which light up the heel each time you take a step... . you guessed it. He was wearing them.
 
i have been delivering bread for the last 15+++ years in 30+ celcius to -40/-50 below,what gets me is when i go into a call in the winter time i always get one or two customer asking why the "bread is frozen",i just reply that the oven in the back of my truck is not working today so we have to give this frozen stuff---sorry,should have her fixed in the next day or two. ;) ;) ;)"Here's your sign".
 
I close relative of mine was complaining to us at the dinner table one evening several years ago. She was annoyed because the printer at work wouldn't print. She went to investigate, and found the printer display reading "EMPTY TONER CARTRIDGE". The following is a direct quote:



"So I emptied it and it still didn't work!"



That is absolute truth. I actually listened to her say it. I bowed my head and kept quiet.



-Ryan
 
Several years ago my wife and I went to Midland, Texas to visit her Grandfather just after Christmas. Since we had some time to kill, we went to the local mall - such as it is. Y'all have seen the various vendors with their products displayed at their kiosks - one of these was the little stuffed animals with the porcelain baby faces and the price sign said "2 for the price of 1". We stopped and my wife chose a few of these stuffed animals and when it came time to pay, my wife commented that this "2 for 1" price was a really great deal. The young lady running the kiosk looked at her and said (I swear this is absolutely true!!!) "You should have been here last week when they were 50 percent off the normal price. " :--) :--)



Wayne
 
My wife worked at a company that had an IBM AS400 with an old dot matrix printer that they printed their reports on. The printer would run and run and then pause for about 15-30 seconds and display a code. The gal that trained my wife was trained by the previous gal to fan the printer because it was overheating when the code came up.



There she was one day fanning the printer when the computer guy walked past and asked what she was doing. He laughed and said "it's not overheating, it's spooling" . The gal was a little embarrassed :-laf
 
While working at a full service gas station in my earlier years, an elderly man came to get directions.



"Can you tell me where the resevoir is?" asked the old man.



Since there were several bodies of water around that area, I asked "Which one?"



"You know, the resevoir. "



"Do you want Patch Resevoir, Coes Resevoir, Kettle Brook Resevoir I or II or one of the ponds around here?"



The old fart replied "You're not too smart, are you!!"



I replied "I'm not the dope who's lost, am I!!" and proceeded to walk away without him getting his directions.
 
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