Attention: TDR Forum Junkies 
Mike Ellis
TDR MEMBER
(UPI) Zoologists were extremely excited today to report the discovery of Sasquatch (AKA "Bigfoot") at the Cummins Mid-Range Engine Plant today. After decades of controversy over the huge primate's existence, irrefutable evidence was obtained today by a news crew visiting the plant.
According to Cummins officials, the 8-ft tall, 575-lb beast has been employed at the plant for several years installing starters, oil pan drain plugs, and oil filters on Cummins 5. 9L turbo diesel engines. Dodge Cummins truck owners who have speculated for years as to how the manufacturer attained the incredible torques these assemblies exhibit, may finally rest easy knowing the truth at last.
Plant co-workers indicated that the beast is quite intelligent and during subsequent interviews it was learned that he actually speaks English, albeit with a thick German accent. He is reportedly quite excitable, rather set in his ways, and violently opposed to the use of torque wrenches. "We gave him a torque wrench, but he just uses it to kill rats. He got kinda mad when we asked him about it, and threw an engine block across the room. We decided he didn't have to use a torque wrench unless he wanted to," said shift supervisor Lars Poker.
In an exclusive interview, the hairy giant was asked what technique he favors for installing these parts. He replied, "Yah, I tightens der bolts mit der fingers undt den I give him big uggghh with wrench. One uggghh getting him pretty tight I tink... . "
According to Dodge CTD owner Mike Ellis, who recently changed out his starter contacts, one "uggghh" on a starter bolt appears to be the equivalent of 400 ft-lbs. Mr. Ellis will soon undergo surgery to shorten his right arm, which was stretched an extra 1. 5' during the gargantuan struggle to loosen the bolts on his starter. Said Mr. Ellis, "I knew I was wrenching pretty darned hard when the truck flipped over on its side, but I didn't know it was because the bolts were Sasquatch tight. When he uggghhs, he really UGGGHHs!"
When asked if the bolts really needed to be that tight, Cummins officials said, "A tight bolt is a happy bolt. "
According to Cummins officials, the 8-ft tall, 575-lb beast has been employed at the plant for several years installing starters, oil pan drain plugs, and oil filters on Cummins 5. 9L turbo diesel engines. Dodge Cummins truck owners who have speculated for years as to how the manufacturer attained the incredible torques these assemblies exhibit, may finally rest easy knowing the truth at last.
Plant co-workers indicated that the beast is quite intelligent and during subsequent interviews it was learned that he actually speaks English, albeit with a thick German accent. He is reportedly quite excitable, rather set in his ways, and violently opposed to the use of torque wrenches. "We gave him a torque wrench, but he just uses it to kill rats. He got kinda mad when we asked him about it, and threw an engine block across the room. We decided he didn't have to use a torque wrench unless he wanted to," said shift supervisor Lars Poker.
In an exclusive interview, the hairy giant was asked what technique he favors for installing these parts. He replied, "Yah, I tightens der bolts mit der fingers undt den I give him big uggghh with wrench. One uggghh getting him pretty tight I tink... . "
According to Dodge CTD owner Mike Ellis, who recently changed out his starter contacts, one "uggghh" on a starter bolt appears to be the equivalent of 400 ft-lbs. Mr. Ellis will soon undergo surgery to shorten his right arm, which was stretched an extra 1. 5' during the gargantuan struggle to loosen the bolts on his starter. Said Mr. Ellis, "I knew I was wrenching pretty darned hard when the truck flipped over on its side, but I didn't know it was because the bolts were Sasquatch tight. When he uggghhs, he really UGGGHHs!"
When asked if the bolts really needed to be that tight, Cummins officials said, "A tight bolt is a happy bolt. "
