Tell me about child support

[DHayden]

I'm not airing dirty laundry or shlupping responsibility here but who can give me a good legal explanation of child support? I pay a good chunk a month and I'm happy to do it to make sure my kiddo's are taken care of. However, the "ex" seems to like dragging me over the coals. Clothes, books, car repair, braces, after school activities, food, shelter? What are the traditional "accepted" legal coverages and what is considered "extra"?

Like I said I'm all for doing everything I can for my kids, I'm getting a tad frustrated with the kids car repairs, the ex's car repairs, a new refrigerator because it was only twice as much as repairing the old one would have cost. the list goes on. Everything is always attached to the kids somehow to get me to cover expenses.

Sorry this probably isnt proper for here but I need some education.

 

[SHobbs]

Before I got custody of my daughter I was told that child support is just that. Anything for the kids and usually half the medical, school supplies, clothes and extra curricular activites. If you are paying for the ex's car repair and fridge and so on then I think she is taking you to the cleaners. I hope you have kept all receipts and have been documenting EVERYTHING.



Sounds like you are paying child support and spousal support as well. I may be wrong but child support is not paying for things your ex may need or wants. Might be worth it to pay for a consultation with family law attorney unless the two of you can come to an agreement.

 

[AStrand]

I believe what the county sets the child support at is what you are required to pay. I have a co-worker that is in court all the time trying to get things straightened out.

 

[jgillott]

Do you have a court ordered or mediated custody agreement?

 

[JDiepstra]

All I know is that my buddy pays $500 a month and she does with it what she pleases. This is the court ordered amount, and I believe it is based on what he makes. I have never heard of what you are talking about where she tells you she needs stuff and you pay for it.

 

[DHayden]

I have a court ordered amount but when the fridge breaks its; the kids have to have a refrigerator. When my daughters car breaks she has to get to school, when the ex's car breaks she has to take my other daughter to school or work. She does not plan well but everything is related to kids needs which guilts me out. She claims that support is pretty much for food and shelter only. I havent seen child support defined all I can say is I'm tired of being guilted out.

Only problem is she screws me over on a whim. She always threatens court which I am not afraid of, however I would rather give my money to my kids than lawyers, besides the fact I would have to travel across the country. She has lied to the state before messing up my credit report and security clearance which took me 2 years to straighten out. I proved she's a liar but that cost me allot of time and money in those 2 years and she gets no repercussions so nothing is to stop her from doing it again.

 

[JDiepstra]

Have you explained to her that what you have been ordered is what you will be paying and that maybe she needs to budget better? I know you are in a very tough spot but hey if she wanted the kids with her, across the country, she needs to step up and take responsibility.

 

[The patriot]

All I know is that my buddy pays $500 a month

One of my co-workers was paying $2500/mo for 3 kids. And last time I saw him was over 5 yrs ago.

 

[p-Bar]

One of my co-workers was paying $2500/mo for 3 kids. And last time I saw him was over 5 yrs ago.

He probably put a gun to his head. All joking a side You are required to pay the support only. This is based on the mother having the child 30-31 days per month so when you have them you have out of pocket expenses for those weekends. The whole system sucks I went in for a reduction in support which I got then my kids didn't want to see me anymore. You need to decide what you want more money in your pocket or a relationship with your children, it basically becomes a "shakedown" . My kids are 26 and 27 and still don't want to see me. Go figure

 

[TboneMan]

I think I'd be talking to my lawyer instead of the TDR. Laws vary a lot from state to state.



But then again, a few TDR'ers might have stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night and be more than willing to give you great legal advise after their great night's sleep. :-laf

 

[SHobbs]

I have a court ordered amount but when the fridge breaks its; the kids have to have a refrigerator. When my daughters car breaks she has to get to school, when the ex's car breaks she has to take my other daughter to school or work. She does not plan well but everything is related to kids needs which guilts me out. She claims that support is pretty much for food and shelter only. I havent seen child support defined all I can say is I'm tired of being guilted out.

Only problem is she screws me over on a whim. She always threatens court which I am not afraid of, however I would rather give my money to my kids than lawyers, besides the fact I would have to travel across the country. She has lied to the state before messing up my credit report and security clearance which took me 2 years to straighten out. I proved she's a liar but that cost me allot of time and money in those 2 years and she gets no repercussions so nothing is to stop her from doing it again.

Sounds like she is using the kids as an reason

to get money out of you. Sounds you like have a winner of an ex like I had. As I said before I have been down this road. I know you don't want to get a lawyer involved but you would be better off if you can afford it. Also like I said I hope you have receipts and have documented everything, this is something an attorney will tell you to do.

 

[GIT-R-DONE]

It all depends on what you are paying. In my state, PA, you pay suport based on your inocme. The money goes to her, and what she does with it is her business. If you have the money taken out of your check, or are paying her directly, and its a set amount through the courts, you DONT have to pay anything else. Paying more is at your option, but I wouldnt do it. JMO

 

[GIT-R-DONE]

Lessons learned, dont ever get married again. Dont have any more kids. Take care of yourself and dont buy back into the marriage thing again, as its not worth it. I am going through that all over again. I will remain single the rest of my life, at least I wont be heading to the alter again. Been there, done that, aint going back!

 

[mberry]

Why does divorce cost to much? Because it's worth it.

Talk to a lawyer. Get her to stop whatever it is she is doing and get yourself healthy. Talk to your kids and tell them everything that's going on since they sound old enough to understand the situation. Do not let your ex keep manipulating you and do not pay HER more than you are court ordered to pay. If you want to pay for extra stuff for your kids directly, great. That will hopefully show them you care about them and not just put more money into your ex's purse.

 

[DHayden]

Thanks for the replies, I know a lawyer is the answer but like I said I would rather my kids get my money than a lawyer. I was just extremely frustrated last night because I had sent $3,000 dollars to my daughter because she is starting college next week. I wanted her to have a laptop, her books and other little things she might need starting out. The money made things tight around here but I wanted to get her a good start.

Where I screwed up was sending it to her moms account so she wouldnt have to wait for it to clear and thinking her mom wouldnt screw everyone over. Some of the things I listed above such as fridge, and car repairs ate up the money I sent. I am livid and and extremely disappointed, its also frustrating all the things that she relates EVERYTHING to the kids to guilt me out. Them not wanting to see me is the last thing I want, I think they understand but you never know what time, distance and brainwashing will do. Thanks again.

 

[SHobbs]

As long as you have a very honest open relationship and you are there when your kids need you no one can take that away. You can try talking with your ex if you think it will work. IMHO pay what you are expected to pay she can't take you to court and win just because you didn't pay to fix her car or fridge. Another option if possible when your kids need things take them and get what they need keep the ex out of the loop.

 

[Dobeman]

One word VASECTOMY... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... uh-oh too late huh?

Sorry... ... been there, done that for 16 years and didn't start living again until I was 38.

 

[BarryG]

Like yourself I got divorced. It has been over 15 years now and we had our issues with money. You are only required to pay what the Divorce Decree states you must pay (as far as what you legally have to pay). Some states also require you to provide medical insurance for your kids and some states also require you to cover your exspouse if it doesnt cost you extra. What they do with the support monies you have no control over. Until you can prove her unfit in court and get custody you really have no say over how she spends the support money. The other money that she may ask for is another story. That is up to you. To try and alleviate future issues you might make the purchases yourself. Such as the laptop computer you buy it, have it shipped to your daughter. Clothes buy gift certificates for the stores they shop in their area and send those. Try things like that to keep cash flowing between you and your exspouse to a minimum.



If she feels the support doesnt cover your share of the childrens expenses she can take you back to court for an increase, she can try doesnt mean she will get it. Many states have some sort of predetermined formula based on income as to what the amount should be.



My ex once told me my payment never made it and that I was behind and I needed to send another one right away because of x reason. Shortly after both checks were cashed I got a hold of the state and had my child support payed to them and I even had automatic payroll deduction so she could never do that again. She no longer had any issues with me for payment. My employer always took my deduction and sent it to the state and the state always sent her the money. If she ever called me for late support payments I would tell her call the state they have the money not me.



Now what you do out of your personal moral, ethical, or guilt reasons is up to you. It can be a tough act to balance. You dont want to get screwed but at the same time you want to provide properly/adequately for your kids.

 

[AKAMAC]

Wow!

You've taken the high road and now question the tactics.

Don't let your former "family" suffer if you can. If the extra you send causes you no harm or hardship then by all means smile. You were in love with the her once, just be aware of that.

You have 78 years to leave your legacy, your kids will see what you and the X have done for them and remember both for that.

If you don't have it, you don't, if you do and you give, then that will be remembered by those that count. That is the currency that matters when you need it.

My X lives free in my other house because my last minor child stays there at times. Belive me, the other two know what that means to the youngest and what it meant to them.

Do what you can, it will catch up with you.