They walk among us....Scary!

[fkovalski]

Ya' gotta' love the last one... .







IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore... This one was from Kingman, KS.



______________________________________________________

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce. " He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg... And he was a Kansas City chef!



______________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask. " ... Happened in Birmingham, Ala.



______________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" ... . She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS



___________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often. " Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare... . This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.



________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. ... (A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office no less. )



____________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side. " ... This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!



*** they walk among us . . AND REPRODUCE!!!

 

[TRAMPLINEMAN]

It makes one wonder how people like this actually make it thru life!?

 

[klenger]

Ya' gotta' love the last one... .



IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore... This one was from Kingman, KS.



*** they walk among us . . AND REPRODUCE!!!

... and worse yet, they vote too.



My wife used to work for CDOT (Colorado DOT) that had someone call in about the deer crossing sign shortly after the C-470 bypass opened up. She asked to have the sign moved because it was not a good place for the deer to cross.

 

[mgonske]

"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

I can't help but wonder what response you would get if you answered that question (and were able to keep a straight face) with a simple "I don't know. "



:-laf

 

[TPCDrafting]

Reminds me of Dad's story of when he was a tech for IBM installing and repairing their "State of the Art" super high tech IBM Selectric typewriters in businesses all over town. This was when some businesses had huge rooms with desks all with typists putting text on paper. Some typists would complain that it was too fast and causing them to make mistakes. They actually had a SOP for the techs to tie a knot in the power chord and ask if that made it better. Sure enough most of the time they claimed it was much better. He used to just shake his head in disbelief.

 

[JApol]

I heard a story that someone has disconnected the 3 phase wires and the gound off of a 115vac motor and tied the wires in a knot around each other. I don't know how he did it without killing himself but he couldn't figure out why he would get shocked every once in a while. This was naval aircraft power, that runs at 400hz makes you move a little quicker than that 60hz house power

 

[Rotty]

Who was the person that thought of having brail on a drive through ATM???

Think about it...

I see this on a regular basis here in the NW.

 

[TRAMPLINEMAN]

At a local McDonalds, they have a sign on the wall that says, "If you need it, we have menus in braille".

 

[WDaniels]

Those are some good ones. Almost as good as when I was at commanders call in the base theater when one of the officers that was giving a briefing at the end, said that he would close "with a famous Helen Keller quote", to which one of my subordinates off the side of me pipped up and said, " uggggg, ark, eekk, errrggg, ahhhhhh, ouhhhhh". Needless to say, everyone around was dieing with laughter. :-laf :-laf :-laf



Some lead ins are just better than others.

WD

 

[mberry]

OMG!!! I haven't laughed that hard in weeks!! Really! "I LOVE MY JOB!". After being in the USMC that Hellen Keller story just made me laugh so damned hard!



Thanks everyone!

 

[fkovalski]

T.W.A.U. updated...

Be very careful - They Walk Among Us



A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge,

he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good

home. You want it, you take it. " For three days the fridge sat there

without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that

people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true,

so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50. "

The next day someone stole it.



Caution... They Walk Among Us

====================





One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone

shouted... . "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and

said... "where???"



They Walk among us

====================





While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which

direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking

him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When

my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for

sometime,she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that

stuff. "



They Walk Among Us

====================





I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I

got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was

open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7

days a week. " He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting

to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific. . "



They Walk Among Us

====================





My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we

overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn

she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a

convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was

moving".



They Walk Among Us

====================





My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through

a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk...



They Walk Among Us

====================





My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were

discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier

multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount on both... .



They Walk Among Us

====================





I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the

lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed

up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained

professional and I was in good hands. "Now,"

she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"...



They Walk Among Us

====================





While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza

to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like

it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just

cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.



Yep, THEY Walk Among Us

====================



They do walk among us, AND reproduce! AND just think, they voted.

Be very careful - They Walk Among Us

 

[GFritsch]

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were

discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier

multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount on both... .

Souds like you and your friends "walk among us as well" I would have gone back and grabbed 8 more cases for the 100% discount. :-laf

 

[fkovalski]

... I would have gone back and grabbed 8 more cases for the 100% discount. :-laf

I thought the same thing when I first read that!

 

[GFritsch]

Here's more of you sign.





The Idiot Report... .....



Number One Idiot

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the

poison control center.

Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little

daughter eating ants.

I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be

no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at

the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her

daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room

right away.



Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Number Two Idiot



Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal

a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out

of the plane and home.

Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a

Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.

It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator

beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.

They are no longer employed at Boeing.



Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Three Idiot



A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch

and wrote this. "Put all your muny in this bag. "

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began

to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the

police before he reached the teller's window.

So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo

Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the

Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors

that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she

could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of

America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells

Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.

He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at

Bank of America.



Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it

anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Four Idiot



A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that;

measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later recei

ved in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of

payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.

Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained

another picture, this time of handcuffs.

He immediately mailed in his $40.



Wise guy... ..... but you still get a sign

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Number Five Idiot





A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all

of the cash from the cash drawer.

After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of

Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.

He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier

refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21. "

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him

because she didn't believe him.

At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet

and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and

she put the Scotch in the bag.

The robber then ran from the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of

the robber that he got off the license.

They arrested the robber two hours later.



This guy definitely needs a sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Six



A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving

revolvers.

The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the

startled first bandit shot him.



This guy doesn't even deserve a sign

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Seven



Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that

he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some

booze, and run.

So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.

The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the

liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.

The whole event was caught on videotape.

Yep, Here's your sign