Things I've learned since moving to TX

[GAmes]

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.



'Twiced' is a word. 'Fixinto' is one word. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them. There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Texas



There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas , plus a couple no one's seen before.



If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.



People actually grow and eat okra



There is no such thing as 'lunch. ' There is only dinner and then supper.



Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!



'Backwards and forwards' means I know everything about you!



Djeet is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'



You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.



You measure distance in hours. Like its 6 hours from Houston to Dallas .



You'll probably have to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day.



'Fix' is a verb. Example: 'I'm fixing to go to the store. '



You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.



Yes, Friday night high school football is serious football!



You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.



There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.



100 degrees Fahrenheit is 'a little warm. '



We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.



Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' to Wally-World. '



A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.



A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop. . . . . it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: 'What kind a coke you want?'



Fried catfish is the other white meat.



We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.



If you understand these jokes please forward them to your friends from Texas (and those who just wish they were).



EVERYONE can't be from Texas . You might say it's a gift from God!



And the most important thing I've learned since being transplanted to TEXAS is...







IN GOD WE TRUST

 

[DHD]

Well said!

Glad to have ya' here.

 

[SHobbs]

Welcome to Texas. Nice to see your adjusting to our own lilttle country, lol.

 

[JFought]

i am transplanted as well... so ture... i also partake in the speech. lol!!

 

[Wingate]

Welcome to Texas... ... Ya know, we have had concealed-carry permits here for some years. I remember shortly after Texas passed the law there was a senator interviewed, he was asked what he thought about citizens walking around with a handgun hidden in their jacket. His response was," An armed society is a POLITE society!"

Just in case any of you transplants wondered why everybody is so nice!!!.

 

[pullya]

Welcome to Texas!!! Be polite to women, say please and thank you, don't drive like a d*ckhead and take your hat off when you eat. You'll fit in just fine----

Jay

 

[GAmes]

Thanks ya'll, but I didn't move here recently. The Army sent me here briefly in 1966, then again in 1974-1977, 1980-1985, then again in 1987. I retired out of Ft. Hood in 1993 and have stuck around for the most part. My daughter is a grad of TX Tech.



Looking forward to many more years of the best bass fishing in the U. S.

 

[2Rowdy]

Wreck'em Tech. Well it was close Saturday night. You should come up to west Texas and try Lake Alan Henry.

 

[pullya]

Not close enough:-laf:-laf:-laf:-laf

Jay

I'll admit they have a hell of a q-back though!!!!!! 400+ yds ain't to shabby

 

[GAmes]

I watched that game too. When the Raiders and the Horns meet it is always a good game.

 

[CValiquette]

Killeen? That's not really Texas. I've lived in Killeen 6 years and I still don't consider it Texas. All the Ft Hood soldiers that aren't from TX judge the state by that town and it usually ruins their perception. And it's only 3-3-1/2 hours from Houston to Dallas. Who wrote that? Anyway, welcome to "Texas. " As Lyle Lovett said, that's right you're not from Texas but Texas wants you anyway!

 

[GAmes]

What about Ray Wylie Hubbard "Screw You We're From Texas"?

Ray Wylie Hubbard, Screw You We're From Texas Lyrics

 

[The patriot]

"Djeet is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?' "

Thought that was a new joisey thing... . ?

 

[GAmes]

All the Ft Hood soldiers that aren't from TX judge the state by that town and it usually ruins their perception.

That may be true of the young soldiers who live in the barracks and only go to the T and A bars for recreation. Those of us who have explored TX and all it's resources know better. I would say the same thing applies for the students at A&M that are from out of state. If they never get out of Bryon/College Station they think that Texas is populated by morons:-laf

 

[CValiquette]

That may be true of the young soldiers who live in the barracks and only go to the T and A bars for recreation. Those of us who have explored TX and all it's resources know better. I would say the same thing applies for the students at A&M that are from out of state. If they never get out of Bryon/College Station they think that Texas is populated by morons:-laf

I heard that. Watch it with the A&M comments lol. And yeah, RWH great, particularly that song. I also like Gary P Nunn's London Homesick Blues when I'm over here.

 

[GAmes]

Watch it with the A&M comments lol.

Ya the Aggies do get a bad rap. I once worked with an A&M graduate that by the time he made Captain he COULD pour p*** out of a boot (with directions on the heel). Oo.

 

[Dieselnut59]

I got this same exact message about a year ago, except about Georgia. It is also true for us, except we say "Jeet yet?" for "did you eat yet?" That was made famous by our redneck comedian Jeff Foxworthy!

 

[DennyDay]

When You Get Ready to Tackle Dallas

GAmes - - I think you've been in Texas long enough now to tackle Dallas. Here are some of the rules and a few suggestions!



Tips for Riding/Driving in Dallas

First you must learn to pronounce the city name.

It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.



Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Denton or Collin County and your Mapsco is one-day-old, then it is already obsolete.



Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. (Frisco has screwed everything up. )



Dallas has its own version of traffic rules. “Hold on and pray. ” There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.



All directions start with, “Get on Beltline,” which has no beginning and no end.

(It REALLY DOESN’T!!!)



The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.



Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that; we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.



All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, “Oh, we’re in Fort Worth!”



If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually “Road Rage” indicators - and remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas ...



All old ladies with blue hair in a Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas.



Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end, it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman.



The North Dallas Toll Way is our daily version of NASCAR. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85 mph, anything less

is considered downright sissy. It also ends in Sherman.



If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas, you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed... And remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas.



The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!



A trip across town east to west will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have un-posted minimum speeds of 75. It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway. Don’t let this confuse you. LBJ is called “The Death Trap” for two reasons: “death” and “trap.



If it’s 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it’s 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round (if it’s Spring) - and it is the Texas State Fair if it’s Fall. If you go to the Fair, pay the $8. 00 to park INSIDE Fair Park. Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, and possibly a gunshot wound. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him. Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks, airports, etc. , are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.



Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers ... Remember, it's legal to Be armed in Texas

 

[pullya]

That is all factual information that should be furnished to new all residents. There used to be an abundence of bumper stickers that said

"Welcome to Texas, now go home!"

Jay

 

[DennyDay]

Seems to me, that several years ago (about 1972) we'd see a car with blue license plates (Michigan) south bound on I-35, We called it the Blue Plague. When we saw a car with Blue License plates pulling a U-Haul trailer north bound on I-35 that was a good day!