Why Do Babies Smile?

[Doc Tinker]

I suppose there are many reasons for a baby to smile, but I've been told that they often do it when they pass gas. That suggestion could probably expain why some of us act as we do.



Please select an option from the poll to help me with my subsidized studies.



What do you do when you pass gas in public?



a. I do it loudly and laugh about it

b. I do it loudly and blame it on someone else

c. I just do it loudly

d. I do it silently and laugh about it

e. I do it silently and blame it on someone else

f. I just do it silently

g. I do what Emily Post recommends

 

[gitchesum]

Actually, I do it loudly and then act like my wife is crazy when she says something.

What noise??

 

[JR2]

I do it loudly and blame it on the North American Barking Spider.....



bfffffff... ... freaking spiders are everywhere...



The one I really love is walking in the store... . bffffff..... then I say... . then I say don't walk back the other way... . hehehehhe



Okay I am sick... I know it... .

 

[Briar Hopper]

It ain't the sound, Doc, it's the smell. If it wasn't for the smell, deaf people couldn't enjoy them too ! Since I don't know how loud mine are at any time, it's twice as much fun waiting to see if I get away with it !

 

[illflem]

I usually lift my leg to eliminate backpressure while making an armpit fart at the same time.



Bought a remote control five tone fart machine a couple of months ago, $15. It has real natural tones. Taped it under the table in the lunch room, the one where the women tend to congregate. I sit at the other table while activating it. It's a gas watching the reactions, no one has figured it out yet.

 

[klenger]

Interesting that you should ask this tonight. I was surfing the cable tv channels, and stopped at "Blazing Saddles". Yup, it was the fart sceen.

 

[rich m]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again..."Dammit, Bill!"

Originally posted by illflem

I usually lift my leg to eliminate backpressure while making an armpit fart at the same time.



Bought a remote control five tone fart machine a couple of months ago, $12. It has real natural tones. Taped it under the table in the lunch room, the one where the women tend to congregate. I sit at the other table while activating it. It's a gas watching the reactions, no one has figured it out yet.

Don't hold out, gimme a website where I can get one, too! a real hoot to be had if you could get multiple receivers, and cast "simulfartz" to several locations

 

[illflem]

Rich, where else but Fartmart.

 

[Happy Camper]

I look around and loudly say "HEY CAN ANYONE TOP THAT!?

 

[BillH]

Doc, now I know why you walked around with a smile on your face at SBC on Saturday.

 

[Papa Joe]

Reminds me of a story... ... ... .....

I was alone on a two-hour flight coming home from my brother's annual chili cook-off on a Sunday afternoon. An attractive lady sat next to me on the plane which was nice, but I was rather 'restrained' due to her presence. When we landed, she was headed for the same parking garage as me (no luggage) and we maintained our conversation. My restraint continued. She proceeded ahead on the first floor and I took the elevator to the fifth floor. Alone in the elevator, I became unrestrained - to the point my unrestraint could have taken the paint off the walls.



Unknown to me was the fact that a family of six, plus grandma, was eagerly waiting for the elevator on the fifth floor. They were obviously racing to a flight. They were probably doing the Arkansas Two-Step anxiously waiting the arrival of the elevator.



When the door of the elevator opened, I'm sure the look on my face was one of guilt. All I know is I darted out of the elevator and they darted in.



Never before, and never since, have I heard the word 'pew' sung in seven-part harmony.

 

[radixr]

This Is True!!

I was in 9th grade at the time. English class was held in the cafeteria due to a lack of classroom space. Our teacher was a strict, unpleasant sort who took every opportunity to point out to us our transgressions. Did I mention she was about 100 years old?



One morning, she was late coming to class. When she finally did get there, everyone immediately shut up and you could hear the cockroaches breathing. In the process of sitting down, she let out what, at the time, seemed like a fart right out of the "Nutty Professor" dinner scene.



I looked at my buddy next to me. He had a big, s****y grin on his face and I lost it. Unfortunately, I was the only one who was unable to control himself. I got a look from the "farter" that would make Osama cringe! She couldn't rebuke me without acknowledging her transgression so I got away with it that day. Needless to say, I flunked that grade period!!

 

[fest3er]

We usually:

• comment on the attack, sustain, decay and tonal properties of the trouser trumpet,
  
• look for a hammer to nail down the loose floor board, or
  
• grab for the shotgun to shoot the errant duck.
  

In an elevator after someone farts and excuses himself, one or the other of us has been known to ask him if he excuses himself after orgasm, too. After all, they're both natural bodily functions.



Actually, babies mostly smile when they are filling their diapers; gas is merely a by-product of the process.



Fest3er

 

[DennyDay]

Smile

Some would believe (my wife for one) some of us didn't have anthing better to do!

At least i can blame sombody else for this

Denny

 

[QRTRHRS]

So much for your poll, Doc.

Used to work with this guy who's saying went like this. "A man who farts never tires, the man who farts is the one to hire

 

[LSMITH]

LMAO@Papa Joe and Briar!!!!!!!!!

 

[willyslover]

looks like there are 31% of us who FIBB

 

[Doc Tinker]

LOL@willyslover



I want to know who voted for Emily Post and what does Emily Post say anyway?



Doc

 

[DHatfield]

I usually pass gas and then blame it on a barking spider or I just say it's my funny was of reliefing stress.

 

[DieselDoghouse]

do it loudly then blame it on one of the dogs, giving a medically-sound, tuition-endorsed gastroenterological cause to make it all plausible!! Damn those whipworms!!