Attention: TDR Forum Junkies Why We Love Children
>
> (or, at least one reason why)
>
> 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but
> it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked
> her pupil. "Because I pisssed in its ear and it didn't move,"
> answered the child innocently.
> You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You
> know, "explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and
> it didn't move. "
> 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
> later..... "Da-ad... . " "What?"
> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No, You had your
> chance. Lights out. "
> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..... " "WHAT?"
> "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
> I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
> Five minutes later... ... "Daaaa-aaaad..... "
> "WHAT!"
> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
>
> 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into
> mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into
> Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in
> and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St.
> Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>
> 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother
> was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the
> light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will
> you sleep with me tonight?"
> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
> "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room. "
> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
> "The big sissy. "
> 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
> children's sermon. All the children were invited to come
> forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty
> dress and, as she sat down, the
> pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is
> it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into
> the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a
> ***** to iron. "
> 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three
> year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to
> get into the shower.
> She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
> I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in
> her tummy. "
> "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
> 7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to
> himself,
> "Two plus five, that son of a ***** is seven.
> Three plus six, that son of a ***** is nine... . "
> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you
> doing?"
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom. "
> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother
> asked.
> "Yes," he answered.
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What
> are you teaching my son in math?"
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition. "
> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus
> two, that son of a ***** is four?"
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I
> taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four. "
> 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of
> Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story
> where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "... .
> and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky
> is falling, the sky is falling!"
> The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think
> that farmer said?"
> One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said:
> 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'"
> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
> 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
> "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter. "
> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane
> Sugarbrown. "
> The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you
> Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
> She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not. "
>
> 10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play
> with the boys?"
> Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're
> too rough. "
> The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
> "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
> 11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She
> stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair
> cut, eating a snack cake.
> The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on
> your Twinkie. "
> She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too. "
>
> (or, at least one reason why)
>
> 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but
> it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked
> her pupil. "Because I pisssed in its ear and it didn't move,"
> answered the child innocently.
> You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You
> know, "explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and
> it didn't move. "
> 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
> later..... "Da-ad... . " "What?"
> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No, You had your
> chance. Lights out. "
> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..... " "WHAT?"
> "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
> I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
> Five minutes later... ... "Daaaa-aaaad..... "
> "WHAT!"
> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
>
> 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into
> mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into
> Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in
> and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St.
> Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>
> 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother
> was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the
> light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will
> you sleep with me tonight?"
> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
> "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room. "
> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
> "The big sissy. "
> 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
> children's sermon. All the children were invited to come
> forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty
> dress and, as she sat down, the
> pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is
> it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into
> the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a
> ***** to iron. "
> 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three
> year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to
> get into the shower.
> She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
> I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in
> her tummy. "
> "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
> 7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to
> himself,
> "Two plus five, that son of a ***** is seven.
> Three plus six, that son of a ***** is nine... . "
> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you
> doing?"
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom. "
> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother
> asked.
> "Yes," he answered.
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What
> are you teaching my son in math?"
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition. "
> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus
> two, that son of a ***** is four?"
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I
> taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four. "
> 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of
> Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story
> where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "... .
> and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky
> is falling, the sky is falling!"
> The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think
> that farmer said?"
> One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said:
> 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'"
> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
> 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
> "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter. "
> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane
> Sugarbrown. "
> The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you
> Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
> She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not. "
>
> 10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play
> with the boys?"
> Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're
> too rough. "
> The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
> "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
> 11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She
> stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair
> cut, eating a snack cake.
> The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on
> your Twinkie. "
> She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too. "
