Parents: Daycare vs. Home-Care vs. "Nanny"

[rbattelle]

You guys that are parents and require some form of daycare, what do you use?



We have 3 options: daycare at a nearby daycare center, at-home care where we drop off the child at someone's home, or "nanny"-type care, where she comes to our house (like a babysitter, but 3 days a week for 8 hours).



Daycare doesn't look very plausible - my wife can't handle the idea of sending our daughter to a daycare center.



So that leaves at-home daycare, or the nanny thing.



We've got a college student daughter of a friend of my wife's who is willing to come to the house and watch our daughter for $175/week.



We're trying to find someone with space in their home to watch our daughter, to see how that works.



So I was interested in what some of you have done.



Ryan

 

[JoeBioDiesel]

My wife and I bit the bullet. She quit work and stayed home full time for 12 years, then went to work part time. She will return to work full time this year. It was a major financial hit and a big change of lifestyle. For us, the decision was a "no-brainer". Having a change of lifestyle was a much easier choice than trusting our daughter to someone else's care for so many hours of her day.

I know that answer sounds like I'm being "Holier than Thou", but that is definitly not the case. If this question was asked on a different forum, I would have kept my mouth shut, but the TDR is much more of a brotherhood than any other on-line group. I just wanted to share our choice and give a reason why.

It's not that I don't have regrets. I definitely do. But if I had it to do all over again, that's one thing that wouldn't change.

Ryan, the fact that you care enough about making the right decision that you asked about it here shows you're a concerned parent. That's cool. Why don't you give one of them a try, and if it doesn't work out the way you think it should, then change to a different type of child care? That might work as long as you don't have to pay a bunch of tuition up front.



Joe

 

[TRAMPLINEMAN]

My wife and I bit the bullet. She quit work and stayed home full time. It was a major financial hit and a big change of lifestyle. For us, the decision was a "no-brainer". Having a change of lifestyle was a much easier choice than trusting our daughter to someone else's care for so many hours of her day.

We did the same thing. Other than going to school, our son will never be in any kind of day care. The only people who will ever watch him are my wife and me or grandparents. I don't trust anyone and never will.

 

[CumminsBu]

Wife watches our children and gets paid to watch her friends kids.

 

[KAlder]

My wife is going to start watching other peoples kids at our house- to make up for the lost income when she quit her job. Taylor is our first child, so we are pretty protective over her. I don't want someone else raising my kid, but they NEED to socialize. So the wife is going to get licenced and all that crap. That was what we decided to do.

 

[PToombs]

We went thru all that. First we had a friend babysit in her home. It was convenient, my wife dropped the boy off when she went to school. It was along the way. But it was a strain on the friendship. Then when my wife changed schools, it was 9 miles out of the way, one way. Then we heard about a woman who ran a daycare out of her home, 2 blocks from our house. It's tough trusting your 1st born to somebody else. Her kids were home schooled, and helped with the kids. Her husband works at UPS nites, and helps too. She's great! Briar can count over 15, knows colors, is the politeest kid you ever heard!

When we had the 2nd baby, the wife was going back to school, 2 weeks after a C-section. The baby went to the sitter too. Now he's 20 months, and Briar starts kindergarten in 1 week. No pre-k, he learned at the sitters.



My . 02; organized day care can be not human enough, too many kids for the adults to get to know well.

I'm not sure I'd trust a college age girl alone in my home. Boy friends, girl friends, text messages, on the computer or phone. Not paying enough attention to the kids.



Pro daycare is expensive, sometimes $200 a week here. Our daycare is $125 for the baby, $100 for the 4. 5 yr old.

Hope this helps,

 

[rbattelle]

I'm not sure I'd trust a college age girl alone in my home.

I'm not sure I do either, but I don't think I have much choice.



Ryan

 

[nickleinonen]

I'm not sure I do either, but I don't think I have much choice.



Ryan

always the option of a nanny cam... as long as she doesn't find out, everything will be ok. if she finds out, then it will come across that you don't trust her

 

[The patriot]

We have an 8 month old. My wife is staying home.

Were going to sign her up at the "little gym"... which is really a place for the pre K kids to socialise,play and learn pre K stuff. I dont think it's a child care type place.

The Little Gym International: Child Development Franchise Opportunities

As for me, I dont think I'll be back to work any time soon.



I've explained to the wife all of the advantages of getting say a 20 yo nanny and sending . . er . . ahh... . having my wife continue her career. She didnt buy it. :-laf

 

[rbattelle]

always the option of a nanny cam... as long as she doesn't find out, everything will be ok. if she finds out, then it will come across that you don't trust her

On the contrary, I intent to tell her from the beginning that I don't trust her, and that she must earn my trust by doing a good job. Furthermore, that any violation of that trust is grounds for immediate dismissal.



Ryan

 

[Dieselnut59]

We went thru all that. First we had a friend babysit in her home. It was convenient, my wife dropped the boy off when she went to school. It was along the way. But it was a strain on the friendship. Then when my wife changed schools, it was 9 miles out of the way, one way. Then we heard about a woman who ran a daycare out of her home, 2 blocks from our house. It's tough trusting your 1st born to somebody else. Her kids were home schooled, and helped with the kids. Her husband works at UPS nites, and helps too. She's great! Briar can count over 15, knows colors, is the politeest kid you ever heard!

When we had the 2nd baby, the wife was going back to school, 2 weeks after a C-section. The baby went to the sitter too. Now he's 20 months, and Briar starts kindergarten in 1 week. No pre-k, he learned at the sitters.



My . 02; organized day care can be not human enough, too many kids for the adults to get to know well.

I'm not sure I'd trust a college age girl alone in my home. Boy friends, girl friends, text messages, on the computer or phone. Not paying enough attention to the kids.



Pro daycare is expensive, sometimes $200 a week here. Our daycare is $125 for the baby, $100 for the 4. 5 yr old.

Hope this helps,

You know if her children are home schooled, you can partner with them and her in a home school group. Apparently she has taught your child well and home schooling sure beats turning your child over to the pathetic government system to be "educated"!

 

[nickleinonen]

On the contrary, I intent to tell her from the beginning that I don't trust her, and that she must earn my trust by doing a good job. Furthermore, that any violation of that trust is grounds for immediate dismissal.



Ryan

that works too...

 

[fest3er]

On the contrary, I intent to tell her from the beginning that I don't trust her, and that she must earn my trust by doing a good job. Furthermore, that any violation of that trust is grounds for immediate dismissal.



Ryan

For completeness and to be sure both of you know the plan and requirements, put it in writing. I would expect it to take a couple weeks for both parties (y'all and the sitter) to conclude that the agreement is fair and reasonable to both parties. And be sure to put an amendment clause in there, and be very clear that adjustments may *always* be discussed, so that the agreement (or arrangement) can be kept fair to both parties.



Both parties are, in essence, entering into a contract, and it's only fair that each party know what is required of the other, and both know the 'way out', and both know that the agreement can be adjusted should requirements change or should it turn out to be unfair to one party or the other. ) In other words, she can learn (and you can teach her) to look out for herself and to heck with everyone else, or she can learn (and you can teach her) to look out for herself while being a 'team player'.



Remember, you cannot change the world, but you can certainly change your corner of it for the better.

 

[bmoeller]

Wife watches our children and gets paid to watch her friends kids.

That is what my best friend and his wife do. They have 2 of their own, and about 3-4 others, part-time.



If I was married and had kids, that would be my first choice.

 

[HOBrian]

Ryan, this is a hard decision.



1. Can you have the wife stay home with the little one and can you afford to have her stay home??



2. How much is daycare and how much does your wife make. Is it worth her to go to work for $1,000 a month?? (take home for the wife minus the daycare amout)







To all:

(I don't want to make this about money however I think it is important to look at every option. )

 

[PToombs]

Brian has a good point. If you can afford for the wife to stay home, it's a good thing. My wife had to start school then to continue the deferral of her loans. So we went the way we did.

If she can stay home, and watch a couple other kids for a little income, thats better yet. I know here you can watch up to 3 or 4 kids before they consider you a daycare.

 

[rbattelle]

If my wife stopped working it would be an enormous financial burden. She makes more than I do (she's much smarter than me), and I feel I'm very well compensated. She makes so much money that even at 1/2 time her income is quite substantial.

But the loss of current money isn't what I'm concerned with - it's the loss of retirement income. If she stops working, she stops saving for retirement. That means big trouble later on.

Interestingly, the vast majority of people I know are dual-income houses with the kid(s) in some form of daycare. Looking at responses to this thread, I would think that was atypical. I'd love to have a friend's wife care for my daughter, but I don't have a single friend or acquaintance with a stay-at-home wife. Neither does my wife.

Ryan

 

[Steve St.Laurent]

When our first daughter was born my wife stayed home for 2 years and then she went back to work for the health care. Being self employed and a one man company decent health care is nearly impossible to get. I had a policy when she was off and that company stopped writing insurance in Michigan and cancelled us. With our youngest Wendy went back to work after a few months. Both our kids went to a day care center that is run by a church and is a VERY high quality center. My wife went to work there for a few months when our first daughter started going there and then she went back to work there about a year ago. We've never had any qualms about our kids being there. They teach the kids every day and we get a slip at the end of the day exactly what they did all day (learning, eating, sleeping, etc). There are good quality day care centers out there but you do have to look for them - and they aren't cheap. I would much prefer she was able to stay home with the kids but that simply won't work in our situation - we tried it and we got buried in debt.

 

[CSnyder]

First of all I would like to say life IS short, family is the most important thing, and you cant take money with you when you die.



Many of you know I lost my wife almost 2 years ago in a car accident and was left alone to care for 2 year old twins and a 7 year old step daughter. My wife was a stay at home mother working part time nights at a club to have a social life. She didnt do it for the money because what she made almost all went back into her fuel tank. She only worked 3 or 4 nights per month. She always took care of everything at home because I was self employed doing hotshot trucking. I had to buy all my own insurance for our whole family which was exspensive but not close to what it would have cost for her to work in town and then deduct daycare costs, fuel, meals, etc etc. From the time our twins were born until she had her accident they got to spend every single day with their mom and they remember her very well now. Myself... I dont have a single memory from my early childhood because my parents were always too busy working. Now I have no regrets for the way we chose to raise our children at the time.



I have hired 3 different nannies since then and 2 of the 3 sucked! The first one thought crawling into my bed in the night was part of her job description, the second one was GREAT except she is a college student and only summers work for her and occasionally she stops out just to see my kids, and the third one just couldnt handle the work of 3 kids. Each of them was paid 400 per week plus room and board. This is all in an area where the average wage is 9. 00 per hour. Now after all this I have hired my mother who quit working in town to take care of them for me. I also pay her the same wages even though she fought me on it from the start because she needs something for her time. She comes to my home and stays here all week long and most weekends takes the kids with her home because Im usually working weekends in my shop for those of you who cant afford to take weekdays off to get stuff done. Im still buying all my own insurance for my family and my mom now and social security only pays me 238 per month for my whole family in death benefits so I use that money towards insurance that costs me 598. 31 per month.



Most guys dont realize how good they have it at home with a wife that takes care of everything for them. I know I was one of them until it was all gone and I now have to do it all for myself. Make sure you take time each day for your wife and kids and do what you really feel is important inside your heart. If your kids mean so much to you that you dont want to take them to daycare and you have concerns about nannies... tell yourself this... life is short and I cant take money with me. I stay determined with my work to give my kids whatever they want and be able to put enough money away for their future and still be able to enjoy life without being stressed about money all by myself. I also take quite a bit of time each day to hang out with them so they know daddy loves them and they understand when I go out to the shop Im working but Im nearby if they want me. Now that they are getting older they get to come out and see me a few times a day when nothing dangerous is going on and they love that and they will all tell you daddy drives a Cummins Turbo. If I can do it alone anyone of you can do it too. The guys from here that know me personally and have been to my place know my kids are spoiled and well taken care of and Im still able to be self employed and have no government help and have several trucks and toys of my own. Life is what you make of it and with a little effort and determination anything is possible!