Attention: TDR Forum Junkies 
Whilst I've never been married, I did have heterosexual parents, five older and married hetero brothers and two younger and married hetero sisters. Thus, I offer a lifetime of observations:
That's probably enough for today. Maybe enough to get me banned from TDR for a while.
* Note the spelling: S E R V E, not S E R V I C E.
- Don't ever refer to her, within earshot, as She Who Must Be Obeyed. She is always your wonderful, most perfect goddess, of whom you are completely unworthy.
- While she may not always be right, you never are.
- Always give her something on Valentine's Day, be it a token of jewelry or a measure of exquisite chocolate (enough to satisfy, but not enough to make her fat).
- Take her to a quiet dinner on your anniversaries. While the kids are (still) home, refer to rule #3.
- Every few years, do something that will bring tears of joy to her eyes (clean the toilet, empty the ash tray, do a load of your own laundry).
- Never, ever, do her laundry except after receiving explicit instructions, which, of course, you will have written down. You'll do it wrong anyway, but at least you'll know you can follow instructions as given.
- Never say, or be tempted to say, "I told you so," "I was afraid that might happen," or any other variant. Women are sensitive, not stupid.
- In every argument, yield. Be it with grace or with reluctance, yield. See rule #2.
- Unless you know she would be mortified if her friends saw her in such a state, always compliment her appearance, be she gorgeous, lovely, the picture of death warmed over, beautiful, handsome, or just so-so. Women are vain, not stupid.
- Graciously, eagerly and avidly accept sex whenever she's willing; it won't last forever. Get used to cold showers.
- If sex doesn't last an hour or three and she isn't gasping for breath, dripping with perspiration and seeing spots before her eyes, her heart isn't pounding, she isn't paralyzed from the waist down and her head isn't spinning when you finish, you aren't doing it right.
- Put a lock on the bedroom door. You don't need, "Mommy? I feel sick," a cold wet nose where it doesn't belong or sharp claws swatting at dangly things interrupting your performance.
- When her lady friends visit, give them room and serve* them as asked; but otherwise stay away. And, once or twice a year, do something dumb that makes them roll their eyes and sigh, "Men!" So long as they know you know your place, you can get a little uppity on rare occasion.
- Prepare her a wonderful, fantastic 'estrogen' room so she won't complain too much when you build your 'testosterone shop' out back where you and your guy friends can hang out, lift heavy objects and tell lies I mean tales.
- You will never find the right balance between being obsequious and being dominant. Live with it.
- Man up and accept your shortcomings as she perceives them.
That's probably enough for today. Maybe enough to get me banned from TDR for a while.
* Note the spelling: S E R V E, not S E R V I C E.
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and a lot of beer in the garage to keep you happy too.
