Hot is one thing, overly hot is another. Until you can monitor a temp that makes sense it is still a guessing game. In 4HI and D on a soft road with a dead weight pulling at low speeds the TC wasn't locked and it was generating massive amounts of heat in the fluid coupling, that is normal. Dropping it into 2nd or even 1st would have increased the air flow and the leverage to where it likely would not have gotten that hot.
Everything you are detailing at this point does not indicate a mechanical issue, rather, it is indicative of an operational oversight. You can't know that for sure until you add a gauge that will monitor the temps in the correct spot, adjust the driving style, and monitor the results. You can start throwing parts at it hoping to find the solution, or, add some monitors and test the results.