A lil joke for all you sour pusses

[biggieou]

Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.



After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"

which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.



Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.



P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.





P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



And the best one for last ... ... ... ... .....

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

[BGarofalo]

Hilarious!!

 

[The Adjuster]

Now that's tooo funny ... :-laf



Kevin

 

[jwilliams3]

Great stuff!! :-laf

 

[PToombs]

Thanks! I really needed that tonite! :-laf

 

[Paychk]

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

I didn't know that civilian aircraft were equipped with IFF



PS IFF is Identify Friend/Foe and only found on military Aircraft

 

[Turbo1Ton]

I didn't know that civilian aircraft were equipped with IFF



PS IFF is Identify Friend/Foe and only found on military Aircraft

Haha, I was gonna ask about the 'target radar' one! I guess they're hunting Kangaroo's! :-laf



Jeff

 

[WDaniels]

They are good ones. But those have been around forever. I read about those when I came into the Air Force in 1977. But, they have a common thread from then until now. Pilots haven't changed one bit. Most of them are still dummer than dog dirt. :-laf

WD

 

[bulabula]

Paychk, IFF is indeed on Comair - transmits info like tail numbers and altitude - I've spent many hours on watch looking at that stuff. What they (Commercial air) don't squawk is Mode IV (encrypted).