Here I am

A long read, but worth it. Females explained

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I need y'alls opinion on something (work related)

ran across this the other day







I dont know where this was plagarized from... but wow...





"So, if you are between the ages of 15 and 25, or mentally so, pay attention and tattoo these pearls on the inside of your thigh. When you have lived a long and failed life of disasterous encounters with the fairer sex, you will want to read back my little laundry list and slap yourself for not taking it to heart.



Item 1: Do not listen to what women have to say about women. They are not privy to the keen powers of self-instropection, nor are they honest when the mirror paints the picture of womanhood in a less-than-flattering light. If women were to be trusted about how they tick, we'd all have it figured out, and women would be happy. Society is afraid of saying what I am, that women have been led to believe they are a noble half of the human race, and more suited to matters of the heart. Fact is, they're just as clueless as you. Next.



Item 2: Women are 95% a product of the relationship (or lack thereof) between they and their fathers. Men are made by their mothers, women by their dads. If daddy beat them, left them, or otherwise was a ****bag, you had better believe they will not have healthy impulses and chaos will follow them throughout their days. This is an absolute, so trust me when I say, if they don't have a healthy relationship with pops, they're not having one with you either, so ****ing run. Yes, they're going to be fun in the sackeroo, but trust me... . run. That other 5% of their nature comes from lucky genetics, but you're not turning that into anything by yourself. You ain't fixing a broken girl, so just run.



Item 3: To attract women, you need but one thing... . to be in charge. Not necessarily of the world or the building you work in, but in charge of your surroundings. You need to be in charge of whatever setting you and the womenz will be in. In any herd of animals, the females obey the alpha. You must be, no matter what the situation, the "guy". You might need to be the funny guy, or the cool guy, or the host, or the entertainer, or even the "taken" one, but you had better be the center of attention that day. To be this thing, you need some confidence, you need your **** in order, and you need some sort of talent that will put you in the alpha spot - no matter if that's at the library or at the night club. Women do not fawn at the slowest, weakest gazelle. They look at what's running out front, and follow. Get your life in order. Women are not laying in the tub right now letting the water hit the pink parts dreaming about a gun nut who's playing Rainbow Six in his mom's basement. You follow? This leads me to item 4.



Item 4: Women, real women, do not want a boy. They want a man, so be one. Don't get ******** haircuts, tribal tats, spinners for your ghey car, the latest trendy clothes or skin care products. These are the tools of vain boys, and a woman does not want these things from you even if she acts like she does. You may get some dates, you may get laid, you may even get married by being a boy..... but bet your *** that your woman will dream of a man (which is not you).



Item 5: Women, contrary to ARFcom legend, do not want sex that often... especially once the relationship cools off (normalizes). If they do crave the weenie all the time, they are messed up (see item #1). Women do not have testesterone pumping through their organs, and will not crave sex, at least not like you think they do. Get used to it, deal with it, and make your peace with the fact that a normal woman wants sex about 1/10th as much as you. Sadly, the sexaholic women are usually reliving some sort of childhood trauma, and sex gives them control over their neuroses about that past. See, women have sex for very different reasons than we do. They have it to feel sexy, to feel loved, to feel wanted, even to feel in charge... . but they don't have that physical drive like us. We, by contrast, have sex to purge the evil venom from our balls, and that's about the extent of it.



Item 6: There is nothing a woman can sniff out like desperation. If you have even one tiny cell of creepy in you, she'll smell it all over you like a possum carcus in the sun. One of the lessons of adulthood is ****ING RELAX. Do it, for all our sakes. Don't chase women, for there is no need. Be a man, be yourself, have a good time and get your life in order, and the women will forever come to you. Believe this fellas..... nothing could be truer. If young swingset would have only known this... . but that's another story and it involves copious masturbation and alot of Boone's Farm.



Item 7: Women, contrary to another urban legend, are ****bags too. They will have you convinced, if you talk to them enough, that they are the masters of reason and emotion. Bull****, fellas. They are contriving, maniacal masters of chaos and work feverishly against their own happiness sometimes. Nothing will disturb a woman so deeply to her core as true contentment. Some women shudder at the thought of a placid, pleasing life. It's a very rare thing, a woman at peace and comfortable with herself... . so when you find one, say "I do" and keep her away from other women. Wanna see proof of this? Work along side alot of women. When one finds happiness, the others go about dismantling hers with ant-like industry. Nothing on earth is quite so destructive as women screwing with a happy one. It's a pretty safe bet that if your lady friends hang out with other girls, they will try (even unwittingly), to **** you up. Sorry girls, you know this one is true.



Item 8: Get to know your prospective inlaws... . even if you have no idea you're going to marry the girl you're banging. If you don't love them like they're your own parents, RUN. Seriously, it's that simple. Run. Look at their relationship - her mother and father's. Look at it hard, because that's you in 25 years... . or some variation of it. Your woman will make sure of it, because she's hard wired to.



Item 9: A woman's beauty is her worst enemy, and her only true servant. Be very afraid of a woman who has relied, or counted on her looks to survive or succeed - for when those looks or your attention to them wanes, she will self-destruct before your eyes. You will come home to find her gone, or on top of your best friend. Again, not to drive a point too fine, but stay away from the 10's. A stripper model does not live to enjoy a 50 year wedding anniversary, and she will not change your diapers when you're old. Believe it or not, that stuff really matters. You, like women, are driven by your nature. If you're always attracted to the worst kind of women, it's not their fault bucko. It's yours... . so fight your impulses and go with what's smart not what "feels good".



Item 10: Lastly, I leave you with this. It's a difficult lesson to be a man. It's a painful, self-sacrificing labor and part of the human condition to be a man. You must accept that much of your life and your ties to women rely on your honor and your good nature. Sadly, most of us choose our mates based on nothing more than a tiny dab of sexual experience and a lot of ignorance about human nature. The women you meet, fall in love with, screw, and hurt, are all human beings with complex pasts, desires and dreams. Treat each woman, no matter who she is, as if she is your best friend's girl. Give her respect, even if you don't choose to engage her in a meaningful way. Understand that she is a daughter, a sister and someone's baby and if she's not good enough to be kind to, then leave her alone. Your dealings with the chicks will come back to haunt you, and each ****ty act will be revisited on you, or your children, or your future women. Trust me here... it really happens. Be a good man, a smart man and an observant man, and women will not be a source of pain in your life. Take my word on it. "
 
Wow alot of that talk about women being crazy sounded exactly like my ex-gf, I wonder if the guy who wrote this knew her??????????????



Also I almost peed my pants when I read this:

Get your life in order. Women are not laying in the tub right now letting the water hit the pink parts dreaming about a gun nut who's playing Rainbow Six in his mom's basement.
 
biggieou said:
Also I almost peed my pants when I read this:

Get your life in order. Women are not laying in the tub right now letting the water hit the pink parts dreaming about a gun nut who's playing Rainbow Six in his mom's basement.



Why? Are you playing Rainbow Six? :-laf
 
PToombs said:
Why? Are you playing Rainbow Six? :-laf





Hahaha no, I took it back to the video store last week, I only rented it for 5 days :-laf Seriously I did rent it and played it, it was cool, but I just thought that line was hilarious. And lets make it clear I am a college student w/time on my hands, that is why I play video games :D
 
"They are contriving, maniacal masters of chaos and work feverishly against their own happiness sometimes. "



Wow. I have seen that more often than not. I never saw it written out though, .
 
Sled Puller said:
"They are contriving, maniacal masters of chaos and work feverishly against their own happiness ALWAYS. "



Wow. I have seen that more often than not. I never saw it written out though, .

There, fixed it for ya' Gene!! :-laf
 
Here's the background info i was given:



It's an excerpt from a book written by a German PhD. Supposedly, this subject is his life's work.
 
biggieou said:
And lets make it clear I am a college student w/time on my hands, that is why I play video games :D

Guess then that this line applies too huh? :-laf



... . but that's another story and it involves copious masturbation and alot of Boone's Farm.
 
BErmoyan said:
NPS, o. k. , coming from another college student that is straight up mean. No I'm kiddin, that was pretty smart. :-laf

Time may not be the only thing on his hands huh? :-laf :-laf
 
the guy version is shorter

We always hear "the rules"

From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note. . these are all numbered "1"

ON PURPOSE!



1. Men ARE not mind readers.



1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.



1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon

or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.



1. Shopping is NOT a sport.

And no, we are never going to think of it that way.



1. Crying is blackmail.



1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!



1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.



1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.



1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.





1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.



1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one



1. You can either ask us to do something

Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.



1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.



1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.



1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.



1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.

We do that.



1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.



1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.



1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.



1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,

or golf.



1. You have enough clothes.



1. You have too many shoes.



1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!



1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
 
nps said:
Time may not be the only thing on his hands huh? :-laf :-laf



Sounds like you put a lot of thought into this nps. I'll try not to make any judgements with you bein in sin city and all..... ;) :-laf
 
BErmoyan said:
I'll try not to make any judgements with you bein in sin city and all..... ;) :-laf
Nah - I'm here tryin to clean the place up. :D



Sorry biggeou, but once you set yourself up like that I just couldn't resist. :cool: And I won't make a play on things gettin strewn around. :-laf
 
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