A Question for the Fathers Out There

[jglasgow]

Ryan -

Where should I begin?!

I waited until I was 36 to have my first (and only) child. He's almost 4 now and he's my best friend. Like you, I was worried about giving up certain freedoms, offshore fishing, hanging out with the guys, the normal stuff. But after he started walking (13 months or so) I have a new fishing partner and now the guys come to my house to hang out with the little motor mouth instead of me!

Any major change in life is scary and you are smart to be thinking this through but I can tell you that my little monster has added more to my life than any of my friends or hobbies ever did.

Hope this helps, John

P. S. Did I mention we get to sit around on Saturday mornings while my wife's at work and watch Sponge Bob, drink chocolate milk and eat powdered doughnuts?!?!

 

[DieselMinded]

Well, last night my wife and I discussed having children (we're only 27... married less than 2 years). Since the TDR has been such a great wealth of information to me, I thought I'd ask the current fathers out there how they felt before having kids and how they feel now. I have this sort of selfish "fear" (that I'm rather ashamed of) that kids will be so much work and effort that I won't be able to enjoy the freedoms I have now (taking off on vacation, having plenty of money, etc. ).



On the other hand, I know there must be some really great things about having kids since everyone seems to do it. And I'm sure it would be cool to raise a new generation of dieselhead.



Guess I'm just looking for some encouragement and opinions from successful fathers out there.



-Ryan

:-laf



YOur already acting like a Dad



Im 25 and have a 2yr old Son Been married for 7 years



Thats right got marrried @ 18 waited till 23 and we had one child .



I only have one



One family income here and if we had anymore kids my truck would be bye bye and I would be driving a YODA just so my wife can be a full time mommy



if you think your scared now just wait ... ..... that first look will hit you like a brick wall . the first thing I thought was ... . ITS A LITTLE ME :-laf then whitin' 30 seconds I was happy to scared plum to death. So small So fragile ... yet so important .



Mostly mommy does all the hard stuff and sacrifies everything and I mean everything her body ,, hobbies,,,,,wants,,,,goals,,,ect



While you will continue to do most of what you do now with a little of regret in the back of your mind.



GOD BLESS WOMEN thats for sure



He blessed them with something we dont have !



I was Mr. mom last week and MY goodness I think I have gray hair now ... . I CAnt handle it I lasted about 4 hrs and was lost ... kept driving around and doing anything that would keep him happy... like I said that only worked for a little bit... . by the end 5 days he spent most of the time with my sister inlaw and here 2 young kids I would walk in and a 2yr old a 3yr old and a 5 yr old would be running around like rug rats and with in 15 mins I had to be any where but here :-laf Maybe Im a bad person I dont know but my brothers the same way (28) Just cant handle it I guess. .



As long as my wife is around Im fine she knows what she is doing Some How. I think all women do.



SO anyway Dont worry about it have them now and that way you can be a Healthy Grand PA one of these days . Its really not that hard on our end as long as Mommy around.



You will do good Dont worry



DM



Its a blast in few hr incriments by our selves ,,,,but when its 24 hrs a day for 5 days I run out of popcicles

 

[midlife crisis]

Ryan old buddy, your fears are nothing new. Fatherhood is indeed, a whole new ballgame. Look at things from this perspective... . you can worry and plan and fret and be happy and scared and all the different emotions every caring father has... . for 9 months. And then it is all out the window. Speaking from experience, since the first time I carried my girl (the first to do so) from the delivery room to the newborn "bullpen", it just becomes clear, nothing else in the world matters. You and your wife manage, cope, deal with, provide, secure, feed and just love that little person in a way you never thought possible. You just do. . it just happens.



We just got in from my (4yo) daughters dance recital rehersal. I was the only dad there, waited 90 minutes surrounded by cackling hens, and saw her 2 minute routine. No place in the world I would have rather been. You do things for them, not so much yourself, but you learn to enjoy.

Camping is a blast, washing the truck with my helper is hysterical, the look on her face as she kicks a soccer ball, her giggle when she plays with bubbles, and her happiness when I tell her I am proud of her when she does something correctly on her own. Good stuff.

Now, enough reading this drival and go make a baby... me & my wife wish you & yours all the luck in the world--

 

[TRAMPLINEMAN]

We weren't thinking of have a baby and were no where near financially secure. I had just gotten laid off with no real work in site. When she told me she was pregnant, I couldn't of been happier. We were a couple who had everything we wanted, always went places spur of the moment and were out every weekend. We moved out of town for a new job opp. (IBEW apprenticeship) and spent all our money to get there. When our son was born, like many others, it changed evrything. Our child is such a big part of our lives that everything else we used to do doesn't really interest us anymore. We never really had the "selfish" feelings that most had. When you finally hold your child in your arms, everything else seems to fade away. The only regret I have is not having kids sooner.

 

[Swamp Donkey]

My wife and I got married @ 22 and had our 1st son when we were 27. Just 7 months ago we had a daughter @ 30. I am now 31 and could not be happier. Just had our 9 year anniversary yesterday. As mentioned, we don't have the "freedom" to pick up and go and do whatever whenever. But there is still absolutely nothing we can't do with a little planning. One of the advantages of my mom being absolutely bonkers to do anything with our kids.



On my days off I don't ever want any "freedom" anyways. I would rather, and do spend all my time with momma and the 2 little ones. As for the financial aspects... ... ... . In our situation there is no more bombing for the 98, and we really have not spent any money on anything of much significance. Will be spending money on junglegym/slide/playhouse/swingset though! No regrets that the little ones are getting all my money! Heck between the 2 of them they I am already putting away over 300 dollars a month for registered education savings plans. I would recomend it to anyone that will love them and look after them. Plus it is kinda neat having a mini-me! The single and married women just flock to a dad with a good lookin kid! :-laf Just two days ago our banker girl who was really hot said oh my god he looks just like his dad. After the apointment she was saying how cute he was and how he was going to be a "lady killer" when he grows up. Now if that don't make a dad puff up his chest I don't know what will! LOL Go have some kids. Nothin to it.



PS... ... Our girl was born by cesarian and the Mrs got her tubes clamped so we are done having kids. I get to keep myself intact! What a good woman. Yeah that is 90% of the battle having a good woman raising your kids, she keeps me and my son in line.

 

[rbattelle]

Fortunately, this is what I needed to get a focus in my life, i. e. Jesus.

Amen.



You know, lots of people around here read something in the forums that helps them fix their truck; something that saves them a few hundred dollars. Then they post and say "wow, that made the $35 subscription fee worth it!".



I've never said that in any thread here before, but I think I'll say it now. This thread, among the (literally) thousands I've read, more than makes the lousy $35/year subscription worth it.



Lately there's been a lot of talk in the forums about people being "uncivil", but threads like this remind me that the TDR membership continues to be populated by a large number of genuinely great people.



-Ryan

 

[Todd T]

yourself included, Ryan.

 

[Harley152]

Had my first at 42 years old and my second at 44---if you think bombing these trucks is expensive you won't believe what children cost!!! You will learn all about sleep deprivation, soon your house will seem really small and noisy!!! You'll worry about everything the little ones do---when the wife and I took a 3 day trip to Vegas at the urging of the mother in law(she decided we needed a break and wanted to take the babies and "bond" with them at ages 2 and 4) we jumped at the chance. Upon arrival at our hotel we looked at each other and said in unison "I miss the babies"!! I wouldn't change it for anything!!! Of course I've yet to deal with a dating daughter and realize that most people my age will be retired and playing with thier grandbabies I'll be arguing over the car keys!!!



Jerry

 

[loncray]

When my first wife got pregnant, I was scared to death. I didn't really like kids (though I didn't dislike them either), and I worried a lot about the cost - monetary and time. I worried most that I wouldn't be a good father - esp. when I last saw my own dad 11 years earlier. I worried about things both significant (there was a preliminary diagnosis of spina bifida at one point) and not - what if I don't think he's beautiful? What if he doesn't like me? Am I ready to be a father?

And ya wanna know something? Other than the possibility of medical problems, none of it mattered the moment he popped out. I got to hold in my arms a screaming, squirming little bag of flesh that loved me absolutely unconditionally - and for whom no amount of time or money sacrificed will ever be enough. My son is 9 now, and turning out a lot smarter than his dad will ever be. Until you experience it yourself, you cannot understand how it feels to hold your baby in your arms the first time. You cannot understand how his first smile feels, or his first word, or the first time he calls you Dada. All the later experiences - first bike ride, first day at school, first time performing before an audience - are special too. I'm looking forward to his first kiss, his first girlfriend, first time off to college... and his own first child to start the cycle all over again. No, you'll never be ready to be a father. My son is 9 and I'm still not ready. But I'm loving every minute of it!

 

[JCasper]

I am 26 and my daughter just turned 4. She was are souvenir from our honeymoon. It was a big surprise and pushed us to grow up and settle down a little sooner then we really planned. I think my daughter is the greatest thing that has ever happened to us. My Wife and I are just now coming up on our 5th anniversary and are planning on having another in the very near future. We also have a foster child who lives with us that just turned 1, and we are thinking of adopting him.



Financially we were very not ready, we rushed into buying a house. Got all the things we needed, set up the babies room just how my wife wanted it. And then spent the next couple of years catching up. Kids are very expensive, more so then you could ever imagine. Living off of one income was something that was very hard to adjust to. My friends are buying big houses, fourwheelers, going on vacations. There are times that I wish I could go out and purchase a new toy for the truck but most of those things have to be on hold. On our first trip to the doctor once we found out my wife was pregnant, we were sitting and talking to the doctor and telling her how this was not planned. Her response has stuck with me to this day. She told us that if you keep waiting for the right time there will always be something that you think you need first. Whether that be a new car, house, vacation whatever. That helped me out a lot, probably one of the most true statements I have ever heard. Not to say Family planning is not a good idea just that you shouldn't wait for everything to be perfect.



Being a Dad has to be one of the best experiences you will ever have. I am usually very busy at work and commute 30 miles so I am gone quite a bit. Do to the company I work for running on the verge of shutdown I have had some extra time to spend with my daughter, and it has been great. I don't get very many chances to take her to school or tap class, but today I got that chance. It is an awesome feeling when you walk your child into preschool and she is so excited that she introduces you to everyone, then when you go back to get her and she comes running across the room yelling "Theres my Daddy". My Daughter has become a Daddy's girl in the last few months, and my wife is loving the break while I am enjoying every minute of it. I am taking advantage of this lack of work I have right now to spend all the time I can with the two kids I have at home.



Sorry if this post seems a little hard to read, it is late and my wife is out of town this weekend, so I have had a long day with the kids at home. You'll find out what I mean. rbattelle I wish you the best.

 

[Gene Arnold]

There's a whole bunch of good stuff coming thru this chat. In my first post I tried to be careful to not "preach" (an occupational hazard for me ), but several of you guys have done a great job of stressing the spiritual side of marriage/parenting. I don't even want to think about how different my experiences would have been without that inner support that a relationship with Jesus brings. I've had countless times when I flat didn't have a clue what to do about some issue but after calling out to God for help, wisdom came!



Parenting issues are best resolved much like twelve-step programs--ONE DAY AT A TIME. That being said, there is a wealth of great materials out there that were not available when I needed them most. Whatever you might think of the politics of James Dobson, his books and other materials about parenting are stellar. Gary Smalley and John Trent are two more that come to mind. I could recommend more if you want. Visit a Christian book store and they'll have a whole shelf of helpful materials. Also, there are many local churches that offer short parenting seminars, etc. that are valuable and usually very reasonably priced, sometimes free.



When my dear favorite aunt learned of our first pregnancy she clucked her tongue and said, "Dear me, I don't know how you could think of bringing up a child in these terrible times!" Well, it has gotten worse but I've learned that every generation of parents has had to face and solve its own unique challenges. You'll do fine if you keep your humble attitude and never quit learning. If you are not already in a good church, find a kid friendly church in your neighborhood and plug in. There is a lot of peer support there.



Gene

 

[EBottema]

My fiancée and I are getting married on Sunday

Congrads and hope you guys have a wonderful day tomorrow.



... ... ... ... ... ...

Ryan- I'm not a dad but someday will be. I would go for it, kids are fun. Make sure you teach them right from wrong and how to listen from day 1 or raising them will become very time consuming... .

 

[mjoppie]

well, in my eye being a dad kicks *****. its the best thing that ever happened to me. i had some problems with the ex at first but it was way worth the hassel. theres no number of words how a kid can change your life for the better. not sure if i could take two but the one is great, they turn into your little side kick and nothings better. he goes to all the tdr days and events with me and anything else i do. being a dad is natural, being a great dad is even more fun, they will consume your life and anything you do will be around them. best of wishes and great luck to you both.





matt

 

[JR2]

After reading all the posts in this thread there is not much else that can be said about the joys of being a father, the guys on here have coverd it quite well.



What I will do is tell you a story that may help you realize what father hood is all about.



Last week when I was in town on days off (I work out of town) I was getting up with my boy Jack (10 months old) and giving his morning bottle followed by his breakfast of some yummy goo. I noticed in the kitchen that there was some new food for him, oatmeal. So I took it upon myself to fix this new food for him. We sat down at the chair and he ate it, just like he eats all the other paste we feed him.



Now I guess you are asking yourself what is so special about feeding a baby oatmeal and writing about it on the TDR. Absolutly nothing, it was a non event to him (other than his stomach was full) and it made no difference in the world to anyone..... but me. To me it was a grand occasion and a huge step foreward in his life. I felt proud that my boy ate some oatmeal and that I fed it to him. That is what fatherhood is like. If you had told me 5 years ago that at 7:30 AM on May 15th, 2005 I would be feeding my baby oatmeal and taking pictures of it, I would have told you that you where nuts and that no one would take pictures of a baby eating oatmeal (and remember the time and date of the event). But it happend and i have pictures to prove it.

 

[DHayden]

Children are a blessing. All I can say is if your freedoms are important to you then wait a while. Another year or two won't hurt anything, just be sure you are ready for it, don't rush if there is any doubt. If there is any doubt hold off and maybe shortly you will know for sure you are ready. Then there will be no regrets, a whole new life begins and you will enjoy it.

 

[tractorface]

I searched for the "meaning of life" since I was a little chittlin. Family and especially kids are the answer. My wife and I were in our thirties and married 11 years before the first one came along, now we want more. He is the absoulute brightest star in my life and I never could have anticipated how he would make my world. My wife and I sold our big new house and built a smaller one so she could stay home with my son and I don't regret that at all. He is a handfull at times and she gets really uptight but amazingly we would not change a thing. Strange how life can be so challanging and yet fabulous at the same time. One word of caution, A child is a huge change and can be difficult on a marriage. I know plenty of examples of good people from broken homes but it sure is nice to raise a child together and see his smiling little face every morning when he wakes up, those are cherished times indeed. Go for it, just be patient with one another and be ready to deal with "issues".

I thought I never wanted kids for exactly your reasons and am now so glad my wife talked me into it.

If I brought my parents as much joy as my son has brought me I owe them nothing at all for the sacrafice of raising me

 

[loncray]

Tractor's post reminded me of two things - one, the time you have with your kid or kids goes by TOOOOOO fast! I remember holding my son on my forearm and bathing him in the sink - now his shoes are the same size as my wife's, and he's up to my armpit (I'm 6'5 and the kid is 9!!!). Two, I was an awful kid - my mom had a curse for me when I was bad: that I would someday have a kid as bad as I was. Somehow I lucked out and got one of the good kids.

Fatherhood is one of those professions that gets little respect. Mother's Day is the busiest day for phone companies, and has tons of flowers and gifts - Father's Day is an afterthought (if that!). So many fathers leave their kids these days, and fathers are the butt of most sitcom jokes. When the camera goes down the sideline of the football game, the kids all say "Hi, Mom!". In a lot of households, the father is the one who makes the money (if he's even around) while the mother raises the kids. But there's no profession more rewarding. I have only to look at my boy sleeping to be reminded of that. I don't remember ever loving anything or anyone as much as I love that kid.

 

[red-rider]

Ryan,



You did a great job on this thread.



>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



Erik,



Thanks, you did a good job on your paper as well.



>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>





I thought about this thread on Sunday while I was chillin' with my best man, watching my son run outside with the other boys, watching my daugther dance the night away with the other girls. Im a father/husband.



well done, well done. great pictures guys.

 

[surfbeetle]

So much great info

Ryan,

My wife and I dated for six years before getting married, we have now been married almost eight. Our 14 year anniversary since our first date is in June. We had alot of time to do what we wanted without having the responsibility of children. My daughters are four and two years old. I wish I would have had them sooner! They are so much fun. But yes, it also is a ton of work at times, the late night feedings, diapers, etc. It does infringe on your "me time", but it is a sacrifice that you have to be willing to make when you decide to have kids.



Please remember, like everything else in this world, the more effort you put into something, the more reward you will receive back. By this I mean that you and your spouse must be ready to tend to your children's every need no matter what. The more quality time that you spend, the more your child will soak up that attention, effecting how they will act in return. It really makes a difference in how they will act later when they grow up. One other important thing to consider is that your parenting style will probably differ from that of your spouse. Make sure that you both communicate and decide together how to raise your children in best possible manner.

Good Luck!

Craig

 

[drawson]

I have a foot in both worlds here. From my first marriage I have three kids, my oldest boy is 18 and friday graduates from High school, then I have a daughter that will be a senior next year, and and my youngest will be ain 10th grade. I was 26 when my oldest was born and if I had it to do over I would have had him sooner. It was scarey at first thinking of being a dad but I grew up alot and the Lord blessed me fro bring these special souls into the world!! All of my kids have brought great joy into my life!! A Joy I could have never experienced with out them!!



Now the other side, Last year in July I married Marie, Marie has a three year old girl which I am in the process of adopting. 5 weeks ago we found out that Marie is pregnant. I couldn't be happier!! It is truly wonderful to see in your kids both of the parents.



I have one question have you prayed about it??