are you having an affair ?

[lizzyhermit]

My wife and I were enjoying a quite late lunch at a local fish resturant celebrating her brand new vehicle. Suddenly she becomes very quiet, then serious, and asks "... . are you having an affair?".



I casually answer (after almost choking) , "No, but why would you ask?".



Her reply, " men don't spend that much money on a gift for their wives unless they really love them, or they are having an affair!"



(okay guys, here it comes... )



my reply, "no Dear, neither of the two" !



my shoulder still hurts from where I got smacked... ... ... .

 

[HoleshotHolset]

D'oh!!



Matt

 

[klenger]

Get to the important part, what kind of vehicle is it?

 

[lizzyhermit]

Originally posted by klenger

Get to the important part, what kind of vehicle is it?

2004 Chrysler Pacifica, only two options it doesn't have, On-board telephone system and AWD. She even let me drive it (before the comment mentioned above).



Nice wheels...

 

[JSmith]

My wife would shoot me if I had an affair

 

[klenger]

I think it's easier for them to understand an affair with another woman than with a truck.

 

[JConley]

You should have said... "And what if I am???" Gauge her reaction to see if it would be OK to find a girlfriend.

 

[lizzyhermit]

some things aren't worth it !

JConley - does "stump hung" bring visions to your mind ? the lady in my life has a saying that has always brought fear to the minds of all in the household:



remember! you sleep some time !!!!!









:--)

 

[Bill Lins]

Here ya go...

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says,



"Who the hell was that?"



"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress. "



"Well, that's the last straw!" says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"



"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours. "



Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.



"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.



"That's his mistress. " says her husband.



"Ours is prettier. " she replies.

 

[Champane Flight]

Another one

A man gets a taxi at the airport and asks the taxi driver to come with him into his house to witness his wifes fooling around on him. The taxi driver agrees for a crisp new hundred dollar bill and they go in the house. They go straight to the bedroom and the husband throws the covers down on the bed and low and behold there is his wife and another man naked! He pulls a gun out of his jacket and aims at the guy. His wife starts babbling.



"Do you like your new Vette, that I told you came from my aunts inheritance?" He says "Yes". It came from this man. "Do you like our summer cabin?" "Yes". "He bought it for me". "Do you like your cabin cruiser?" He turns to the Cabby who is standing at the door " What would you do in this situation?" The cabby answers "I would cover the guy up, he might catch cold!"

 

[PRout]

I figured she smelled "fish" and thought it was coming from you. . Oo.

 

[Steve M]

No but... ..... There's a waitress in a local diner where the fellers and I eat two or three times a week. She's been married for 20yrs to her highschool sweetheart. She's been an excellent waitress and has made eating at the diner a pleasure. She's also pregnant with her second yungin. This morning I asked my wife what would be appropriate to give Lisa for a Christmas tip. She said whatever you want to give her. I said $50 would be nice and not excessive. She agreed that I could give Lisa $50. I stopped at the bank for a crispy 50 and then to the store for a money card. Tonight my wife asked if I gave Lisa the $50. Yes, I bought a money card so it wasn't just a 50 accross the counter. How did you sign it? I simply signed it "Steve". You didn't sign it from both of us?:-{} :-{} :-{} :-{} ... ..... :-{} Oh well, at least when I'm in the dog house I'm still sleeping in my own bed. She's out there on the couch all . Jeez, I even asked for and had permission.

 

[rkressg]

That's why I ain't married

Oo. Oo. Oo. Oo. Oo. Oo.

 

[dpuckett]

Originally posted by Steve M

... . Jeez, I even asked for and had permission.

See? Proof positive that women will never be happy, you cant please them, because as soon as you do one thing that is ok, the next minute they change their mind and all of a sudden you're wrong again. It's a no win situation, my friend. May as well put a cot in the doghouse, or fix up the pickup to be more accomodating.

 

[3atatime]

Originally posted by dpuckett

See? Proof positive that women will never be happy, you cant please them, because as soon as you do one thing that is ok, the next minute they change their mind and all of a sudden you're wrong again. It's a no win situation, my friend. May as well put a cot in the doghouse, or fix up the pickup to be more accomodating.

dpuckett really meant men will never be happy. Sorry for the missprint.

Kat

 

[lschultz]

Hormones

You got to remember a female has a body full of hormones and you just don't know how they are going to react together. For ever good hormone theres two bad ones pulling her the other way. And when they get some years on em look and I mean look out. :-{} :{

 

[3atatime]

You can't spell Larry!

 

[lschultz]

And what word might that be Miss 3atatime? I thought I used spell check. I know I am not perfect(cause I get reminded of that:-{} )on a regular :-{}

 

[3atatime]

See, you still can't spell. This is hilarious! Sorry dude. You don't have much grounds to bash something when you can't even spell!!!:-laf