Barf

[Doc Tinker]

OK - We've seen all about the Fart. What about the Barf?



Barfing in public is not usually a good experience.



When we were teenagers, my brother drank so much Mountain Dew everyday that he developed an acid problem, which caused him to chow on Rolaids. On vacation, he was chugging Dew and eating Aids at an alarming rate and I knew he was going to blow a gut over it. I was worried he'd do it all over the car, with me trapped next to him. Sure enough, it happened. We were crossing over the Blue Water Bridge, between Sarnia, Ontario and Port Huron, Michigan when he errupted like a foaming valcano. We happened to be moving rather slowly (about 20mph). I immediately vacated the backseat and tumbled out the door, onto the bridge.





Doc

 

[BFC]

When I was still living in Canada, we had one Skydiving center thar awarded the "Silver thundershack" award to the jumper that had the most entertaning barf of the year! I have seen people barf on the way up, both in the airplane(aeroplane in Canada) and out the door, in freefall, that's the coolest to see and after landing.



I take a lot of student on tandem skydive and one time I got to wear one girls breakfast, she pucked while we were under canopy, wich have a forward speed of about 25 MPH, Imagine the rest... ... ... ... ..... Once out of 2000 tandem jumps, ain't too bad



Most barf that I have seen happens on the first jump Sunday morning, wonder why? Must have something to do with those Saturday nights



Glenn

 

[Rob Thomas]

... ... ... ... . jumpin' out the door prolly wasn't the smartest thing you ever did, especially on that danm bridge.



Later, Rob





Now that you got me thinkin' 'bout bridges, I have a story fer ya... ... ... ... ... ... ..... sooooooooooo, one day, drivin' back from the UP ( thats Michigan's Upper Penninsula, fer you non-Michiganders) anyway, drivin' back from huntin', mid November, cold as a gut-shot, ***** wolf-dog, with 9 suckin' pupps, pullin' a #4 trap up a mountain, in a snowstorm, with a mouthful 'o porkupine quills, type 'o cold,



So I'm drivin' across the Mackinac Bridge (which is 5 miles across, and 250' over the water, which is again, well, cold!) I got my Ram pullin' a trailer full of huntin' stuff, well on the front of the trailer is a toolbox, like the ones in the beds of trucks, well the lid was facing towards the front of the trailer(held down with bunjie-cords, NOT MY TRAILER!!) anywhooo, I'm right smack in the middle of the bridge, when a HUGE gust of wind whipped open the lid, (the wind was gale-force at that time and the bridge people had it closed fer awhile, that day).



Well, inside the box was all my wet huntin' shi! including my huntin' coat (Browning Gore-Tex $400 smackeroos) so the wind whipps the lid open and yanks my $400 coat outta' the box (just happen to see it in the corner of my eye in the mirror) the coat hit's the deck, and sticks in the steel grating, which is the roadway in the center two lanes.



Now most people woulda' just said "darn" and kept drivin', well, not me. I'm only drivin' 20 mph and slowing 'cause of the coat thing, not much traffic 'onnacounta it was an "off day", so I STOP! Right there in the middle of the 250' high bridge, get out and run back 100 or so yards, which went real quick 'cause the wind was roughly 60+/- mph , grab my $400 coat, and turned around to head back, which was the time I realized that this was a stupid idea!



The deck was slippery then snot 'cause of the ice, the wind, like I said was 60+/- mph in my face, and the ice in the air was drillin' me at well you guessed it 60 +/- mph, (not the best feeling) I'm struggin' to walk at about a 30* angle to the road (thats what it took to keep my balance) eventually make it back to the truck, luckily I didn't get blowed over the 2' railing (which I'm sure woulda sucked) get in, put my seatbelt on and commence to beatin' my own a$$!!! I was still shakin' 2 hours later, but, hey I got my friggin' coat.



Never used that trailer again, and now don't really care if I loose the danm coat. There's no moral to this story, other than it was just, well, DUMB!



Sorry fer so long, but Doc brought-up bridges.

 

[Doc Tinker]

The Big Mac gives me the willies everytime I go across. Those railings can't be there to stop anyone from going over



Doc

 

[Rob Thomas]

Originally posted by Doc Tinker

The Big Mac gives me the willies everytime I go across. Those railings can't be there to stop anyone from going over



Doc

No kiddin', a couple of years ago, a semi-truck went over, and then a Yugo!



Later, Rob

 

[Bill Lins]

Yep, we're talkin' CULTURE here! (See "Friendship" thread)

 

[Diesel Freak]

FWIW, do not mix Coors Lite, Zima, Smirnoff Ice, Jack, and Dorito's on an empty stomach

 

[Jim Fulmer]

Man, I've been on the down wind (flying terms) doing touch and go's (flying in Boeing 707's for the Navy) and get up go back to the can and Barf then come back and never miss a step in a checklist... . try HOT, ROUGH pattern work in Oklahoma in the summer, Makes me hate it, but nice calm days around teh hole country is were it pay's you back. BOTW, I was in the Gulf of Mexico this morning.

 

[LarryB]

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[lschultz]

Back in the old days when I was younger(16) we were riding through the park roads drinking beer. Well we finished that then got us some wine. I was driving(56 chevy 4dr sedan 6 cyl)parents car. Well I guess I had to much wine. I feel some movements in my stomach and I knew something was on its way up. I open the door(fellow with me grabs the steering wheel and steers). I was holding on as best I could. I think my head was dragging on the ground(I wonder it that was the start of my hair thining)and out it came. I left a trail of puke etc. I don't know how long. Had the dry heaves. I felt like sh** But it passed.

I think it was in 85 and I was comming back to Austin from Smithville on my Harley. I was getting hungry so I stop at this resturant and get me a good chicken fried steak and a cold one. I eat everything and drink and get on my Harley heading back to Austin. A few miles down the road I fill that movement in stomach again. There was not much to do I could not stop so I just turned my head to the side and kinda down and here it came. Did not get anything on the bike. Don't know about the cars behind me. Finally was able to stop and just hung on the bike till it passed. I can think of some more times but thats all for now. Doc you trying to top my farts thread?



What kind of mind you got Doc? Farting and now Barfing. Whats next?

 

[RottnDogue]

B. A. R. F. ? My Dogs are on the B. A. R. F. Diet... .....



Darren

 

[Todd G]

Back in my college days I remember going into this one frat bar. This was the kind of bar that always had a sidewalk out front covered in barf. You really had to watch your step to keep from slipping on all that barf and ending up horizontal in the muck.



Well this one time I go in there and there's this horse at the bar with his head in a bucket of beer. I couldn't believe my eyes. I heard from someone it was a police horse. Oops. This horse downed 2 pails of beer after I got there. I don't know how long he was there before I arrived.



I saw a big ruckus and everyone scattering. That horse finally lost it and hurled over a large area of the bar. You never smelled anything so bad in your life. Nasty green stuff everywhere. I saw at least 6 people lose it along with that horse. Right about then then police show up and I ran like heck trying not to slip on all that slime.

 

[lschultz]

I don't know if I should be reading this stuff now-I just finished eating. Doc-Is that you purging yourself?I was following this at work and did not have the speakers turned on so this is the first time I have heard you. Scared the he** out of me. Almost made me fart. Kinda like that one where you are staring at the picture trying to find out whats wrong with it and then#@$%! Well I have to lay my body down shortly and go to sleep. Got to work tommorrow and 4:00 am comes around shortly.

 

[Bill Lins]

Originally posted by Diesel Freak

FWIW, do not mix Coors Lite, Zima, Smirnoff Ice, Jack, and Dorito's on an empty stomach

People need to be TOLD this?

 

[BK]

In my teens. .

In the bowling alley

With some trips back into my van in the parking lot to play a few games of the board game "PassOut".

1 case of coors lite later (most empties crushed on the forehead)

many bags of doritos.

=

2 hours hugging my cold porcelain friend in the boys room in the bowling alley.



I later learn that it wasnt the beer, it's the doritos... need to eat them sparingly when consuming mass quantities.

 

[LarryB]

Originally posted by BK

2 hours hugging my cold porcelain friend in the boys room in the bowling alley.

Seems I too can vaguely remember driving the porcelain bus a few times. Not an entirely enjoyable experience.



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[Bill Lins]

Ralllllllllllllph! Earrrrrrrrrrrrrlllll!

 

[QRTRHRS]

I can get kinda moody watching military shows on TV. So, one night after dinner which was pasta washed down with some wine, my wife heads for the computer and me the TV with another glass of wine. This show is getting to me and I am doing my best to kill this bottle of wine. I get through that and, still wanting more decide rather than open another, finish off a bottle of Zambuka. By the time the show is finished, I am too. So, I crawl off to bed, not saying a word to wifey. She comes in about the time I am hugging the garbage can and thinks I am throwing up blood (Zambuka). She's about to dial 911 when I tell her, check the empty. Ahh...

 

[me4osu]

Yes, I spent quite a few of my college days neeling to the porcelain god praying for Buicks.



Two of our wildest fraternity brothers found a pledgeling in the bathroom during one of our big functions. He was sitting on top of the toilet tank and hurling into it between his legs. The two members offered the guy a cold glass of water. Before I could figure it out (I was pie-eyed myself), they were giving the guy STRAIGHT VODKA! Luckily, the guy just puked even harder, instead of getting poisoned.



However, I have never tossed the cookies on an airplane, yet. I have been on quite a few (in different parts of the world), and the worst one I have seen is what we fondly refer to as the vomit comet. This would be any plane (mainly a Beechcraft 1900) that flies from Farmington, NM to Denver, CO. I had to concentrate a few times on that one to keep dinner down.

 

[Extreme1]

Once upon a time...

I was in a night club a few years back. I wlked into the men's room and saw this poor schmuck kneeling with his head stuck in a urnal. He was just starting to catch his breath after puking up a huge volume of spagettios. I took upresidence with a spot between us, make a great show of looking at what he's done and said "Spagettios for dinner, huh? Well, at least those come easy!"



He was still ralphing when I walked out after washing my hands.