CAts,G%#^@$#*&^% Cats!!!!!

[Mike Ellis]

I always liked cats OK, had a house cat for about 15 years until she died of old age. Always had a few running around the barn, never seemed to have any overpopulation problems as the dogs, coyotes, and assorted varmints thin them out.



Funny cat stories: My sister and her family had a cousin staying with them for a few weeks. Sister had a huge black tomcat with tufty looking ears and a bob tail, looked a black lynx. Not too mean but willing to scratch. Cousin takes a dislike to cat, gives it a huge kick in the butt one day after it scratches him. The next night when he comes home from 2nd shift and hits the sack (lights off to avoid waking sister's family) he hits a HUGE pile of cat dumplings that the cat had deposited on his pillow. Said they were still warm, like cat was waiting on him to get home before depositing. He was one unhappy camper... had a beard too...



When I was in college, wife and I lived in a trailer house that became the favored breeding ground for the neighborhood cats. About 2:00 in the morning they would start yowling and screeching and running back and forth on the roof... bumpity bumpity bumpity YEOOEWOW SCREECH bumpity bumpity. ARGGH! Try to sleep through that. Finally had enough, and took the blowgun out to confront them. When I went down the steps, a tomcat was peering over the edge of the roof at me with ears back and giving me the old hate growl. I turned a dart around backwards (ball end first) and shot him right between the eyes from about 10-15 feet - made a loud "tock" noise and he fell off the roof but had all 4 feet going all out before he hit the ground. (Didn't want to kill him, just get his attention) The results seemed promising, so I started popping the others in the butt when I saw 'em and soon they stayed off the darn roof. Imagine being in a tin box with lovesick cats fighting and fornicating on it. . the sounds were unimaginable, and in symphonic stereo too... !

 

[daveshoe]

Connibear

Would a Connibear trap kill them quickly enough to not be too cruel?

 

[Briar Hopper]

You should see what stray cats can do to the underpinning of mobile homes in the wintertime. I've had to repair my mother's trailer, and those of her friends and neighbors more than I care to remember, as well as setting traps to catch the strays.

Cats are simply too feral to make decent pets... .

My neighbor has a cat that loves to explore our backyard and deck, I don't mind, I've seen it carrying off mice, on two occasions. Lucky for me the cat stays away from our trucks.

 

[Scot]

Re: some people are going to kill me, but this is too funny to not post!

Originally posted by charlan

-Chris-

I have the bumper sticker!

 

[Rogue Ram]

Well, I talk a good story..........

... ... ..... and then my wife comes in looking like she ate the rat--er uh the cat--- and she's holding my slipper... ... ... !!! This was a week or two back when we were all typing on this thread... ... ..... and the slipper is soaked in cat pee!!! Her cat did it not mine... ... . mine knows better... ... ... ... her cat is now on "mind altering drugs". Don't ask me, I could cure it for about . 02 cents, but I'd be paying for the divorce shortly thereafter. Vet gave her some stuff that is supposed to make it not so "nervous". NERVOUS??? AROUND ME?!?!?!

 

[rich m]

some of you may have read this before...

... 'cause, you know, at my age, I tell the same story about 9-10 times a year.....



When I was a kid, one (actually several) of my buddies used to have one of those P. O. S. pump-up Crosman BB/pellet guns. He left it in the living room one day, and, while he was out doing something, and his dad was home alone (think 'unsupervised'), a young cat (like 6-8 month old mid-sized kitten) came up on the porch... Well, Lyle didn't want the critter making a habit of coming around, so he thought to "zing" him good and he'd run away... . he "misunderestimated" the muzzle velocity at 10 pumps ("just a BB-gun, right?")... ...



can you say "exit wound"? deader'n a hammer... right there on the porch... he felt bad... son and I laughed our a$$e$ off!

 

[Champane Flight]

Cute.

> > CALLING IN SICK

> >

> > Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how

legitimate

> my

> > illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.

> >

> > On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because

the truth

> was

> > too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head

injury

and

> I

> > hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could

think

up

> a

> > doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

> >

> > The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's

wishes to

> adopt

> > a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no

problem, but

> one

> > morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast, when I heard my

wife,

> Deb,

> > call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! The garbage disposal is

dead. Come

> > reset it. "

> >

> > "You know where the button is," I protested through the

> > shower(pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"

> >

> > "I am scared!" she pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me

in?"

> > (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second. "

> >

> > So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a

statement

> about

> > how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched

down

and

> > stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last

action I

> > remember performing.

> >

> > It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances.

Nay, it

> > wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.

It was

> our

> > new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied

between

my

> > legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I

took the

> > bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most

vulnerable, she

> > leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her

> > needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly

bodily

> > movements, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with

the

full

> > weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

> >

> > Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight"

syndrome. Men,

> in

> > this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing

straight up,

> the

> > sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me

out

> cold.

> >

> > When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having

been

fully

> > briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to

conduct

their

> > work while suppressing hysterical laughter. At the office,

colleagues

> tried

> > to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was

too

> painful

> > to talk about. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

> >

> > If they had only known!!

> >

> >

> >

> >

 

[nps]

Stumbled on this and have to bring it back to the top.



CF - laughed my a** off at work reading the 'dangling toys' post - crying so hard almost fell off my chair.

 

[Kissfan113]

blast em, and get a big dog for good measure, my old hound hates just about anything that moves smaller than another dog his size, even then he aint happy. better on mice than my old cat, and works on larger pests like squirrels, rabbits, possums, groundhogs, skunks on rare occaision(wee doggy boys does that ever stink). just my opinion, if they're dead they ain't gonna cause me any more problems

 

[NPloysa]

I have had many cats, strays, farmcats, housecats, etc. My favorite is our housecat. She picks on the 15 yr old female but only wants to play. I don't hurt cats (animal lover) and this kitten we have is a sweetie.



I do, however, understand some of the tom cats doing damage to vehicles and property and such. But, if it were me, I would call the Humane Society first.



Nick

 

[Coolslice]

This is all just a damn shame. These animals do what they can to survive because ignorant humans have given them no other choice. Then in an act befitting of the most worthless coward, they are killed and tortured by tough guys who get a kick out of it, perhaps compensating for something that is missing in their lives? I'm a hunter, but being cruel to cats makes no sense to me at all.



I was at a cookout one time and this redneck started bragging and laughing about how he had killed the cat next door that belonged to a little girl with a hammer because it was on his porch. I called him out in front of everyone, and said "If I ever did something that F^@&^$ stupid, I wouldn't go around bragging about it, because then everyone KNOWS you are an idiot!" He wasn't real happy, and one thing lead to another and by the end of the night I had to show him what a beating really was. He found out the hard way that he wasn't so tough when facing something his own size that wasn't defensless, but I already knew he was a pu@#!&, because a REAL tough guy wouldn't go around killing little girls pets.



I can honestly say that if I ever caught someone harming my cats or dog for no reason, they would remember it as being one of the worst mistakes they have ever made.

 

[AKAMAC]

I have 2 of 4 left in my bathroom. Baby strays from the track. One will stay for my room mates kid, the other will go when she stops hissing. I've downed my share of feral cats but they have all proven uncatchable. If the offending cat is adult then the choices are limited. I understand euthinaisa, I just try other methods first. BTW... . Anyone looking for an orange tabby kitten???????? I have one... ... ... . Mike