Child Custody ?'s and Help...

[justinp20012500]

I am going though a huge custody battle right now.



For the boring part of the story...



My ex girlfriend and I had a child together in December of 02. The hospital never did ask me to sign a birth certificate and his last name is hers not mine.



Well about a year after the birth we split the sheets. She said the "baby is not yours so just leave me alone. "



I didn't get to see him for about 4 months. I even voluntarily paid child support without an order to do so.



I thought that was a bunch of bull ___ so I went to Office of Recovery Services and had them do a paternity test. Well I was right he is mine!!.



The only thing ORS did was make me pay a huge amount of child support and said they could not give me my visitation.



After the ORS ordeal i got to see him off and on. Her mood that month determined if I got to see him or not.



I retained an attorney a long time ago and had him draft up the basic utah code visitation and joint legal custody for her to sign. She said she would not sign it and I would have to go to court.



So after all that I had her served with a summons on tuesday of this week.



She has very wealthy grandparents that are paying all of her legal fees.



So, I am hoping the judge is going to see that I paid child support without a court order, I went to ORS to confirm paternity. I have a log that I kept every time she would not let me see him.





Now that I have to resort to court I am going to ask for joint legal and physical custody, along with his name to be changed. (She still lives and home with mommy and daddy, does not have a job and is not going to school) I have a home, a steady job.



Did any of you guys have a similiar situtation that I am in. What was the outcome??



Any lawyers out there think i have a good chance of getting joint custody and maybe legal fees.



I am hoping so because I have tried to keep this out of court and had no other option then to occur these fees.



What about the last name change?



I know they look at the age of the child and other things regarding the name. He is only 2 1/2, and if the mother gets married she will have a different last name and he will have a different last name and I will have a different last name. I dont want him to become dissalusioned from the family.





I just want to see my son. There has to be some sort of repercusions to not letting me see him.





Man, just had to get this off my chest... I hate women and lawyers!!







Justin

 

[I-6DZL]

Sorry to hear about your custody battle, and hope everything works out for the best.



Sounds like you better start to like lawyers until the battle is over.



Good Luck

Curtis

 

[JFinke]

I think the name change and at least partial visitation is what you can expect to get. I'm not a lawyer but this has been my experiance with several friends in the past. Not to flame you but in the beginning when you were together why didn't your son have your last name from the start? Jake

 

[justinp20012500]

I think the name change and at least partial visitation is what you can expect to get. I'm not a lawyer but this has been my experiance with several friends in the past. Not to flame you but in the beginning when you were together why didn't your son have your last name from the start? Jake

Well, when we were at the hospital they never did ask me to sign the birth certificate.



About a week after he was born I started pushing her to go with me the Buruea of Vital Statistics to get it changed and she kept blowing me off.



I tried to do it by myself, but they said either she needs to sign, or I have to get a court order.

 

[tractorface]

Good luck

Not sure 20012500 is a good last name but who am I to say :-laf



We had a guy at work in a similar situation and he eventually ended up with full custody as his ex-girlfriend slid out of control. As bad as this sounds she eventually signed whatever papers were needed as payment for an Old early 90's Turbo Diesel pickup. Crazy but true. Dad was really happy with the deal as I would have been.



I really wish you the best. I can not imagine how bad you must feel not being able to be able to see your son. Sounds like Mom needs to get a clue and do what is best for the child. I sincerely wish you all the best in your efforts, I think your son will appreciate it as well.

 

[Boomer II]

Keep detailed records of everything, canceled checks for the support would be useful too.

 

[justinp20012500]

Keep detailed records of everything, canceled checks for the support would be useful too.

Yep, got all that.



I have a day planner that I keep in my truck that I write everything down that happened including the time and date.



I then transpose it into a word file i have on my computer. Its 38 pages on long right now and still growing.



I go over to her house on the days that I am supposed to have him and sometimes she tells me to f___ off and go away.





I am thinking about getting a tape recorder and recording stuff like that. Is that within my legal rights???





When I was paying her child support without the order from ORS I wrote "child support" in the memo line and kept copies of the canceled checks.



I now have ORS just deducted it from my pay checks, that way its their fault if they don’t get it right.

 

[loncray]

Man, that's messed up. When my first wife and I split, I made sure the final decree of divorce incorporated joint custody, and I worked out things like taxes and visitation with her ahead of time.

It used to be that a father was hosed in the court system - everything was weighted in favor of the mother. I dunno about Utah, but a lot of places are now a lot more equal. If your attorney is on the ball and you've got all the documentation relating to this straight, you should be okay. I think I would've gotten her "It's not yours" in writing. The fact that you've got a steady job and she doesn't ought to be in your favor. I agree with the post that says the name change and partial visitation is about the best you can hope for - anything more is a blessing.

As to recording conversations, you need to check the laws of Utah to see if it's legal or not. You might want to bring an adult witness with you if you think she'll make a scene.

One more thing - enjoy every minute you have with your son - all that time slips away a lot faster than you think.

 

[justinp20012500]

Man, that's messed up. When my first wife and I split, I made sure the final decree of divorce incorporated joint custody, and I worked out things like taxes and visitation with her ahead of time.

It used to be that a father was hosed in the court system - everything was weighted in favor of the mother. I dunno about Utah, but a lot of places are now a lot more equal. If your attorney is on the ball and you've got all the documentation relating to this straight, you should be okay. I think I would've gotten her "It's not yours" in writing. The fact that you've got a steady job and she doesn't ought to be in your favor. I agree with the post that says the name change and partial visitation is about the best you can hope for - anything more is a blessing.

As to recording conversations, you need to check the laws of Utah to see if it's legal or not. You might want to bring an adult witness with you if you think she'll make a scene.

One more thing - enjoy every minute you have with your son - all that time slips away a lot faster than you think.

Ever since I had her served I have been taking my dad with me to pick him up.



I have a great attorney, he has done lots of good for other people that have used him. The only down side is he is $200. 00 an hour!!!



The only thing I am worried about is her dragging this out for a long time. She is not paying for anything so she doesn't care.



I am sure she is going to pull the "unfit parent thing, or deformation of character"



I hate how these things take so long!!

 

[loncray]

Taking a witness - good.

Having a good attorney - better!

Dragging it out - not so good but to be expected. The worst part of the process is the waiting. Be patient, never let her see you frustrated, and everything will work itself out in the end.

 

[scootergmc]

Be very patient, the Court process sucks. Don't hate attorneys, not all are leeches. Keep records, but the last thing a judge usually wants to hear is "she told me to #@$%! off, etc. , etc. , etc. " Arguements will annoy a judge faster than anything else. But your attorney will probably let you know that also. Be ready to turn the other cheek at all times. Always take someone with you to the child exchange, pending the disposition of your case. The Court wants facts... like, "I've had a steady job for ___ years. I've been paying her $___ month, and she really has no other expenses (that you know of). I have ___ health insurance. I have room for the child in my home. I have ___ criminal convictions (hopefully this is zero)... This is my schedule... "



But as the father you have tons of rights to see your child. I don't think you'll have too much problem achieving joint custody. Shoot, you might even get full custody. $200/hr. is a good shot at that...



Granted, I have never been through this situation, but I have been a party to a few of these hearings.....



edit: and if you feel like using the recorder... let your attorney review them and decide what's appropriate for the Court. Half the battle is knowing the judge and his/her tendencies. Which is also why having an attorney (who appears in Court regularly) is good.

 

[CIverson]

Best of luck.



I think nowdays you can expect joint custody. I was in a similar situation, but got her to sign him over to me w/o going to court.



There are some good websites out there about fathers rights (if you can weed through all of the ones sponsered by lawyers looking for clients ).



Also, get a phamplet from your local friend of the court to see what kind of tests they use for support, and how they decide custody. This is one of the reasons I got my ex to sign my son over, as she knew I would whip her but in court, as I had all of the items in the phamplet on my side, and a good lawyer.

 

[SGibson]

If I could do it all over again I'd hire a P. I. who is held in high regard by your judge and I would have her investigated, I would request a physcological exam for her, watch what you do, how you act, and what you say on the phone. Her daddy being a cashcow is a doubledged sword learn how to make it work for you, nobody is above having thier hat handed to them, I've heard having a female attorney looks like you are trusting and don't have a "problem" w/ women. be pleasent,amicable, suggest parenting classes etc. It sure beats laying in bed dreaming up justifiable homicide angles.