E-Mail Joke Of The Day.....

[DavidC]

What deep thinkers men are... I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.
Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.
Time for another beer.

Dave

 

[mwilson]

Courtesy of my daughter..

 

[mwilson]

I'm rolling now, got this screenshot thing figured out..

 

[mwilson]

And finally..

 

[stockplug]

This is sooooo true

#ad

 

[mwilson]

From a friend of mine.....

 

[mwilson]

Never really gave any thought to the double meaning of the word "transmission" until now..

Bwah ha ha....

 

[BIGNASTY]

What deep thinkers men are... I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.
Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.
Time for another beer.

View attachment 89750

Dave

Dave you are my HERO!!! Have another beer for Me

BIG

PS get a bigger mug, that way they cant complain about having just ONE BEER !!!

 

[Blu-meanie]

I'll drink to that....

 

[DavidC]

Dave you are my HERO!!! Have another beer for Me

BIG

PS get a bigger mug, that way they cant complain about having just ONE BEER !!!

Looking for a keg now. Just the engineering of how to drink out of it is still in the works, it is either siphoning or a lift

Dave

 

[fest3er]

Looking for a keg now. Just the engineering of how to drink out of it is still in the works, it is either siphoning or a lift

Dave

Exo-skeleton.

 

[BIGNASTY]

Looking for a keg now. Just the engineering of how to drink out of it is still in the works, it is either siphoning or a lift

Dave

A 12V RV water pump could work???

How would it look to others if ya get a hernia drinking beer?

 

[DavidC]

A 12V RV water pump could work???

How would it look to others if ya get a hernia drinking beer?

Now that will work!!!!!!. Just happens I have a spare in the RV.

Dave

 

[mwilson]

Today's winner...

 

[GAmes]

Why Athletes Can't Have Real Jobs!


1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
“I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me.”

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skins say:
“I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl.”
Matt Millen of the Raiders said:
“To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too.”

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
“He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings.”

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
“I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” (Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
“You guys line up alphabetically by height."
And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.”

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
“Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
“That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
“He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
“My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
I asked him, “Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?”
He said, “Coach, I don't know and I don't care.”

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:
“Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject.”

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
“I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.”

15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips:
Phillips responded: “Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye.”

 

[GAmes]

Have you ever listened to pro football players in an interview?
Remember, these are all COLLEGE GRADS.
You may wonder, “How do these guys get into college and for free? Do
they have to pass an entrance exam to get in?”
This is an actual example of a football players entrance exam:
College Entrance Exam, Football-Player Version *
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
Name: _____________________________
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular
reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -ORgive
the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
___ (a) build a bridge
___ (b) sail the ocean
___ (c) lead an army or
___ (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
___ (a) Jewish
___ (b) Catholic
___ (c) Hindu
___ (d) Polish
___ (e) Agnostic
(check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
___ (a) Westerners
___ (b) Southerners
___ (c) Northerners
9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and Clinton
Bush: ___________________________________________
Carter: __________________________________________
Clinton: __________________________________________
10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five:
11. Where does rain come from?
___ (a) Macy's
___ (b) a 7-11
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
___ (a) yes
___ (b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
___ (a) New York
___ (b) Florida
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) Wisconsin
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?
19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?
20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
___ (a) B.C.
___ (b) A.D.
* You must correctly answer three or more questions to qualify.

 

[GCroyle]

Mike,

I'm still cracked up on the parenting done right, our Grandson would do that in a second.

Gary

 

[Superdawg]

Bill Clinton was driving past the White House when he accidentally ran over the Obama's new puppy, Sunny, crushing it flat as a fritter. He climbed out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass
totally distraught. He knew Michele would go friggin' ballistic.

Then he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out. "You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the Genie "As a reward
I shall grant you one wish."

"Well," said Bill, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this damned dog."

They walk over to the splattered remains of Sunny. "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" Bill asked. The Genie looked at the remains and shook his head. "This critter is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Maybe there's something else you'd like?"

Bill thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. "I had an affair with this beautiful young girl called Monica," said Bill, showing the genie the first photo. "But I'm actually married to this woman called Hillary" and he showed the genie the second photo. "You see Hillary isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make her look like Monica?"

The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, "Damn, let's have another look at the dog!"

 

[Superdawg]

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was told to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his 'private part' hanging out.
'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said.
'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, she'd come and pick me up from school.

 

[GAmes]

After a meeting several days ago, I couldn't find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal "TSA Pat Down."

They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition.

She's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized she was right.

The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all to my wife:
"I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."

There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard her voice. "Are you kidding me?" she barked,
"I dropped you off!"

Now it was my turn to be silent.
Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

She retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your car!"

Welcome to the golden years..............