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E-Mail Joke Of The Day.....
- Thread starter mwilson
- Start Date
Attention: TDR Forum Junkies To the point: Click this link and check out the Front Page News story(ies) where we are tracking the introduction of the 2025 Ram HD trucks.
Thanks, TDR Staff
mwilson
TDR MEMBER
TFucili
TDR MEMBER
I resemble that remark!
11. Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
(Stole that one from a real warped mechanic I once worked with)
Actual Ad Published in 1964 .....
for those that are old enough to remember .....
I am.
for those that are old enough to remember .....
I am.
It reads more like an ad for KY Jelly lol!!
mwilson
TDR MEMBER
Garden snakes can be dangerous!
>
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>
>
>
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> Garden snakes can be dangerous!
>
> I didn't think twice about this tiny fellow on my baby boxwood until I got this letter:
>
> GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...
>
> Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.
>
> A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
>
> It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants.
>
> When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
>
> She let out a very loud scream. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
>
> He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
>
> His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
>
> The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
>
> About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and
> the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.
>
> That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
>
> The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch..
>
> Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
>
> But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
>
> The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
>
> The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
>
> The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring itdown the man's throat.
>
> By now, the police had arrived.
>
> Breathe here...
>
> They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!
>
> The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
>
> Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
>
> The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
>
> Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department.
>
> The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
>
> Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
>
> A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
>
> And that's when he shot her.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Garden snakes can be dangerous!
>
> I didn't think twice about this tiny fellow on my baby boxwood until I got this letter:
>
> GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...
>
> Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.
>
> A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
>
> It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants.
>
> When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
>
> She let out a very loud scream. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
>
> He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
>
> His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
>
> The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
>
> About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and
> the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.
>
> That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
>
> The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch..
>
> Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
>
> But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
>
> The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
>
> The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
>
> The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring itdown the man's throat.
>
> By now, the police had arrived.
>
> Breathe here...
>
> They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!
>
> The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
>
> Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
>
> The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
>
> Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department.
>
> The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
>
> Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
>
> A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
>
> And that's when he shot her.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Long one but so worth it. Hugs Di
HHhuntitall
TDR MEMBER
Okay, so those were funny.... but I bet the story behind the 2015 Gnome Killer is even funnier.... I just saw that... WTHey? Do explain, my dear Mr. Wilson......
mwilson
TDR MEMBER
HHhuntitall
TDR MEMBER
Hmm, rapid Gnome removal and recovery.... just add a mulch bag.... 
promisedland
TDR MEMBER
Nice, but thats a guinea pig! :-laf
An old geezer became
very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical
clinic.
He put a sign up outside
that said: "Dr.Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for
$500, if not
cured, get back
$1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was
positive that this old geezer
didn't know beans about
medicine, thought this would
be a great opportunity to get
$1,000. So he went to Dr.
Geezer's clinic.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my
mouth. Can
you please help me ??"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse,
please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr.
Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: Aaagh !! --
"This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've
got your taste back. That will be
$500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his
money.
Dr. Young: "I have
lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse,
please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the
patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no
you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer:
"Congratulations! You've got your memory back.
That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having
lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more
days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight
has become weak ---I can hardly see
anything!!!!
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I
don't have any medicine for that so, " Here's your $1000 back."
(giving him a $10 bill)
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!
Dr. Geezer:
"Congratulations!
You got your vision back! ; That will be $500."
Moral of story --
Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart
an "old Geezer"*
Remember: Don't make old
people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it
doesn't take much to **** us off.
very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical
clinic.
He put a sign up outside
that said: "Dr.Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for
$500, if not
cured, get back
$1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was
positive that this old geezer
didn't know beans about
medicine, thought this would
be a great opportunity to get
$1,000. So he went to Dr.
Geezer's clinic.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my
mouth. Can
you please help me ??"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse,
please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr.
Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: Aaagh !! --
"This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've
got your taste back. That will be
$500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his
money.
Dr. Young: "I have
lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse,
please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the
patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no
you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer:
"Congratulations! You've got your memory back.
That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having
lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more
days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight
has become weak ---I can hardly see
anything!!!!
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I
don't have any medicine for that so, " Here's your $1000 back."
(giving him a $10 bill)
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!
Dr. Geezer:
"Congratulations!
You got your vision back! ; That will be $500."
Moral of story --
Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart
an "old Geezer"*
Remember: Don't make old
people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it
doesn't take much to **** us off.
Last edited:
NIsaacs
TDR MEMBER
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington
recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls
were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their
lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night,
the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put
them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
maintenance man....She explained that all these lip prints were causing
a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every
night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors,
she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was
required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet,
and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are
teachers, and then there are educators...
recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls
were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their
lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night,
the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put
them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
maintenance man....She explained that all these lip prints were causing
a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every
night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors,
she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was
required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet,
and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are
teachers, and then there are educators...
promisedland
TDR MEMBER
YESSSS!!! I LIKE IT!!! Point shoved home! :-laf
promisedland
TDR MEMBER
Maybe the hare is in the bag?
Nick
NEVER mess with a guinea!
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Issue 128 – Digital Version
Digital Magazines
FREE!
TDR Test Drive - Digital Edition
Renew
Subscribe
Gift Subscriptions
Back Issues
Subscription Status
Address Change Form
Buyer's Guides
Ram Diagnostic Trouble Codes
The Perfect Collection
The Perfect Collection Vol. II
TSB Updates
Dodge/Cummins Historical Overview
Cameron Collection
What Makes Us Tick?
Product Showcase
Advertising
