promisedland
TDR MEMBER
Maybe the hare is in the bag?
Nick
NEVER mess with a guinea!
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E-Mail Joke Of The Day.....
- Thread starter mwilson
- Start Date
Attention: TDR Forum Junkies To the point: Click this link and check out the Front Page News story(ies) where we are tracking the introduction of the 2025 Ram HD trucks.
Thanks, TDR Staff
NEVER mess with a guinea!
GAmes
TDR MEMBER
Washington Redskins give in; Will Change Name
NFL TEAM GIVES IN:
Daniel Snyder, owner of the NFL Redskins, has announced that the team is dropping the word "Washington" from the team name and will henceforth be simply known as "The Redskins."
It was reported that he finds that the word 'Washington' offensive and imparts a negative image of corruption, cheating, and lying, and is not a fitting role model for young fans of football or American Indians.
NFL TEAM GIVES IN:
Daniel Snyder, owner of the NFL Redskins, has announced that the team is dropping the word "Washington" from the team name and will henceforth be simply known as "The Redskins."
It was reported that he finds that the word 'Washington' offensive and imparts a negative image of corruption, cheating, and lying, and is not a fitting role model for young fans of football or American Indians.
HHhuntitall
TDR MEMBER
OH, yeah, sadly more than true.... Very not so funny... but kinda. I laughed until I cried... or cried until I laughed.... Stinkin' politicians... They and diapers often have to be changed, and often for the same reason....
Missing Wife Found - An Alaskan Story
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident an anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife", said one of the troopers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?", Wilkins exclaimed.
The troopers looked at each other.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemake Bay.
"Oh my God!", exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, "Whats the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-sized dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The trooper replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident an anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife", said one of the troopers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?", Wilkins exclaimed.
The troopers looked at each other.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemake Bay.
"Oh my God!", exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, "Whats the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-sized dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The trooper replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
Found on Waste-of-time Book
A Wyoming Poem:
It's winter in Wyoming,
And the gentle breezes blow.
Seventy miles an hour,
At thirty-five below.
Oh, how I love Wyoming,
When the snow's up to your butt.
You take a breath of winter air
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful,
So I guess I'll hang around.
I could never leave Wyoming,
'Cause I'm frozen to the ground!
A Wyoming Poem:
It's winter in Wyoming,
And the gentle breezes blow.
Seventy miles an hour,
At thirty-five below.
Oh, how I love Wyoming,
When the snow's up to your butt.
You take a breath of winter air
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful,
So I guess I'll hang around.
I could never leave Wyoming,
'Cause I'm frozen to the ground!
Always get a much needed laugh when I come to this forum. Hugs, Di
GAmes
TDR MEMBER
Is sex work?
A U.S. Navy captain was about to start the morning briefing to his
staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the
captain decided to pose a question to all assembled..
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before
and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how
much of it was "pleasure?"
A commander chimed in with 75-25% in favor of “work”.
A lieutenant said it was 50-50%.
An ensign responded with 25-75% in favor of “pleasure”, depending upon “His state of inebriation at the time”.
There being no consensus, the captain turned to the seaman who was
in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young seaman responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
God bless the enlisted man.
A U.S. Navy captain was about to start the morning briefing to his
staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the
captain decided to pose a question to all assembled..
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before
and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how
much of it was "pleasure?"
A commander chimed in with 75-25% in favor of “work”.
A lieutenant said it was 50-50%.
An ensign responded with 25-75% in favor of “pleasure”, depending upon “His state of inebriation at the time”.
There being no consensus, the captain turned to the seaman who was
in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young seaman responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
God bless the enlisted man.
D
Deleted member 995608
Guest
Two good ole boys spent their day fishing together. On the way home, they spot this flock of sheep. One of them has its' head stuck in the fence.
The passenger yells, "Stop the truck!" "Stop the truck!" The trucks stops and this big ole corn feed boy jumps outta the truck, runs down down the hill, and has his way with the lamb.
The driver says, "Man, I want some of that!" So he climbs outta the truck, runs down the hill, and sticks his head in the fence.
The passenger yells, "Stop the truck!" "Stop the truck!" The trucks stops and this big ole corn feed boy jumps outta the truck, runs down down the hill, and has his way with the lamb.
The driver says, "Man, I want some of that!" So he climbs outta the truck, runs down the hill, and sticks his head in the fence.
Marital Bliss
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour , sir ." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting his wife says: "Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control"
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?"
His wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
"Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine. "
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket. "
His wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?? "
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am? "
She smiles sweetly and replies, "Only when he's been drinking, Officer."
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour , sir ." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting his wife says: "Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control"
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?"
His wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
"Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine. "
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket. "
His wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?? "
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am? "
She smiles sweetly and replies, "Only when he's been drinking, Officer."
View attachment 94446 hope this works
GAmes
TDR MEMBER
Superdawg
TDR MEMBER
Women and Cats
I've never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
I've never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
So True, So true
Ambidextrous Lady Golfer
A group of men live and die for their Saturday morning golf game. One transfers to another city and they're lost without him.
A new woman joins their Club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?
"No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says. Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m. He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay". She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant, and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbours a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth."
"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his Willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."
The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"
She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."
A group of men live and die for their Saturday morning golf game. One transfers to another city and they're lost without him.
A new woman joins their Club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?
"No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says. Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m. He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay". She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant, and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbours a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth."
"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his Willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."
The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"
She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."
A wife treats her hubby by taking him to a strip club for his birthday.
At the club, the doorman says, "Hi Jim. How are you?"
The wife asks, "How does he know you?"
Jim says, "Oh dear, I play football with him."
Inside, the bartender says, "The usual Jim?"
Jim says to his wife, "Before you say anything, he's on the softball team."
Next a stripper says, "Hi Jim. Do you crave the special again?"
The wife storms out dragging Jim with her and jumps into a taxi.
The taxi driver says, "Hey Jimmy boy! You picked up an ugly one this time!"
Jim's funeral is on Sunday.
At the club, the doorman says, "Hi Jim. How are you?"
The wife asks, "How does he know you?"
Jim says, "Oh dear, I play football with him."
Inside, the bartender says, "The usual Jim?"
Jim says to his wife, "Before you say anything, he's on the softball team."
Next a stripper says, "Hi Jim. Do you crave the special again?"
The wife storms out dragging Jim with her and jumps into a taxi.
The taxi driver says, "Hey Jimmy boy! You picked up an ugly one this time!"
Jim's funeral is on Sunday.
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
P.S. - I didn't see it coming, either
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
P.S. - I didn't see it coming, either
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Issue 128 – Digital Version
Digital Magazines
FREE!
TDR Test Drive - Digital Edition
Renew
Subscribe
Gift Subscriptions
Back Issues
Subscription Status
Address Change Form
Buyer's Guides
Ram Diagnostic Trouble Codes
The Perfect Collection
The Perfect Collection Vol. II
TSB Updates
Dodge/Cummins Historical Overview
Cameron Collection
What Makes Us Tick?
Product Showcase
Advertising
