E-Mail Joke Of The Day.....

[PBJ2500CTD]

Angry wife: "I should have married the devil, he would make a better husband than you!"

Hubby: "They would have arrested you! Marriage between relatives is illegal in this country."

 

[GCroyle]

Borrowed from another forum of course.

Just Little Larry

A new teacher was trying to make
use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying,
'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'
After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up.
The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?'
'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing up
there all by yourself

Larry watched, fascinated,
as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother,
who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'

The math teacher saw that Larry
wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, 'Larry!
what are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'
Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN
and the Cartoon Network!'

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip
to their local police station where they saw pictures
tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.
Larry pointed to a picture
and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
'Yes,' said the policeman.
'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'
Larry asked,
"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse,
running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump,
and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad,
why are you doing that?' His father replied,
'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that
they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad,
I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom

 

[fest3er]

Found on FB.

 

[NIsaacs]

BARTENDER JOKE

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides

 

[mwilson]

#ad

 

[mwilson]

 

[mwilson]

 

[mwilson]

 

[GCroyle]

Mike,

Another slow morning in Beep Beep Maine I see.

Good stuff.

Wile E. Coyote

 

[dieselshadow]

 

[mwilson]

This one is for you Dave!!

 

[DavidC]

Now that's HI-TECH. Great load distribution and quick disconnects

 

[jhenderson]

I’m impressed. They used actual plugs in the power strip instead of just stripping back the wires and shoving them in. Not that I’d ever do that, but I’ve heard stories.

 

[TFucili]

I actually went to look at a job to measure for millwork once, and the guy(homeowner)had wired a small addition entirely with zip cord(lamp cord)

 

[mwilson]

 

[mwilson]

 

[Cooper_D]

Ok this is just wrong, but since Christmas is coming I thought it would add a little humor.

 

[mwilson]

 

[mwilson]

 

[GAmes]

Little Johnny walks past his mother's room on the way to his room. Her door is ajar, and he sees her in there lying on her bed, rubbing her chest, and saying "I need a man! I need a man!"

He doesn't think about it too much.

The next day Little Johnny again walks past his mother's room on the way to his room. Again, she is in there lying on her bed, rubbing her chest, and saying "I need a man! I need a man!"

"Whatever", thinks Johnny.

The next day, he walks past her room and she's in there with a man. Johnny walks into his own room, lays down on his bed, rubs his chest, and says "I need a bicycle! I need a bicycle!"