Attention: TDR Forum Junkies [1] Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin. "
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
[2] I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description
in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall. " - Eleanor Roosevelt** :-laf
**
[3] Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited
by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain** laf
**
[4] The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns**
**
[5] Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. -
Victor Borge**
**
[6] Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -
Mark Twain**
**
[7] What would men be without women? Scarce, sir... mighty scarce. -
Mark Twain**
**
[8] By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates** :-laf
**
[9] I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -
Groucho Marx**
**
[10] My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then
she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante**
**
[11] The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper**
**
[12] I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. -
Zsa Zsa Gabor**
**
[13] Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential
food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine**
**
[14] Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes
you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain**
**
[15] My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
Ed Furgol**
**
[16] Money can't buy you happiness. . but it does bring you a more
pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan**
**
[17] What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. -
Henny Youngman**
**
[18] I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer
me the position. - Mark Twain**
**
[19] Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up. -
Joe Namath**
**
[20] Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. -
Herbert Henry Asquith**
**
[21] I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until **noon**.
Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope**
**
[22] I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -
W. C. Fields**
**
[23] We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work
its way through Congress. - Will Rogers**
**
[24] Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will
avoid you. - Winston Churchill**
**
[25] Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. . but everything else
starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller**
**
[26] The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out. - :{
Unknown
**
[27] By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old
to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
[2] I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description
in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall. " - Eleanor Roosevelt** :-laf
**
[3] Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited
by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain** laf
**
[4] The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns**
**
[5] Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. -
Victor Borge**
**
[6] Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -
Mark Twain**
**
[7] What would men be without women? Scarce, sir... mighty scarce. -
Mark Twain**
**
[8] By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates** :-laf
**
[9] I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -
Groucho Marx**
**
[10] My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then
she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante**
**
[11] The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper**
**
[12] I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. -
Zsa Zsa Gabor**
**
[13] Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential
food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine**
**
[14] Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes
you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain**
**
[15] My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
Ed Furgol**
**
[16] Money can't buy you happiness. . but it does bring you a more
pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan**
**
[17] What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. -
Henny Youngman**
**
[18] I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer
me the position. - Mark Twain**
**
[19] Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up. -
Joe Namath**
**
[20] Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. -
Herbert Henry Asquith**
**
[21] I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until **noon**.
Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope**
**
[22] I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -
W. C. Fields**
**
[23] We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work
its way through Congress. - Will Rogers**
**
[24] Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will
avoid you. - Winston Churchill**
**
[25] Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. . but everything else
starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller**
**
[26] The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out. - :{
Unknown
**
[27] By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old
to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal
