I remember being there not too long ago. The folks have gone home and I'm bored again so here's the 100mile post on how to fry a turkey.
Do a google search for "How to Fry a Turkey" or "Deep Fried Turkey" and start reading.
It's not too difficult.
1. Get a fryer and a bird that will fit in it. I go shopping with a tape measure and make sure it's less than 9" wide so I know it'll fit in mine.
2. Put the bird in the basket and in the pot. Fill it with water until it's a few inches from the top of the pot. Remove bird and basket. This is how much oil you will need to heat up to cook the bird. I measure from the top of the pot and mark the pot with a sharpie.
3. Pick a marinade, make it and inject it into the bird the day before. Put it in a bag and keep it cold (I put it in the shed). Don't buy a marinade, it's more satisfying to make it yourself and see bighammers post above about watery marinade.
4. Heat the oil to 325-350F, I tend to get it to 350 at first because it'll cool when the bird goes in.
5. Put the bird in the basket and slowly lower it into the oil. I wear welding gloves.
6. Cook it for 3 minutes per pound + 5 minutes. Check the oil temp frequently to keep it between 325-350. It will cool at first when the bird goes in so keep the heat cranked. As the bird cooks the oil will get hotter so you'll likely need to slowly turn the heat down. If the oil gets much over 350 it won't necessarily ruin the bird but it'll burn the skin blacker than... , the meat should still be OK though. Pull the bird and check the temp, the meat needs to be at 170+, if it's much lower, toss it back in for another 5 minutes.
7. Let it cool for 15 minutes or so with foil over it. This'll help keep the juices in it when you carving it.
8. Eat
Tips:
-Use peanut oil, it's not the cheapest but it is the best and can be re-used if you don't burn it. We fried 3 birds one day, 2 with vegi oil, 1 with peanut. The peanut bird was way tastier, more golden (less black) and the oil lived to fry another day. At most you'll likely need a 3 gallon jug of oil.
- Stay off the deck, fry in the middle of the lawn of a gravel driveway. I almost always boil a little oil out when dumping the bird in and start a small fire. It burns itself out when the lid goes on. The rest is self explanatory.
- If you plan on doing this more than once spend the money on a stainless fryer. The cheap ones are aluminum and are a pain to get clean and don't last. I just fill mine (stainless) with soapy water, warm it up on the burner and wipe it out.
- See above about finding other snacks to toss in the oil for feeding the spectators while the bird is cooking.
- Keep lots of cold ones in the cooler. This is a good excuse to stay out of the house while the girls are messing up the kitchen and a good way bond with the father in law and toss a few cold ones. Remember, it takes time to get everything ready outside to cook the bird so give yourself LOTS of time to get it ready outside
- Make sure you have a good knife to carve the bird with. I've been to grannies and had to sharpen a 100 year old knife on the bottom of a coffee mug to try and hack up a bird..... and it sucks.
- Get a digital meat thermometer for checking the temp, I have one with a remote probe and use it to check the oil and the meat. It's better to overcook a little than under cook. A few whiners complaining about meat that's a little dry is better than everyone tossing there cookies with food poisoning.
- You can never be too clean, I keep a box of clorox disinfecting wipes around for wiping off anything that's touched raw turkey.
Mike
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