Good Ol' Southern Sugar-Teat

[Mike Ellis]

Deeply saddened by the number of my online brethern and sistern who get bent out of shape after exposure to ideas and opinions different from their own, I have decided to try to help soothe their jangled nerves by offering up a traditional Southern pacifying solution - the Mk I Sugar-Teat.





SUGAR-TEAT PRINCIPLES AND PRACTICES

Indications:

- Intended primarily for toddlers, but usable by all ages

- CAUTION, not a substitute for real teat, does NOT provide milk all by itself



Ingredients:

- Cloth rag, 1 ea.

- Rubber band, string, or twist tie, 1 ea.

- Sugar, brown or white, 1 tablespoon

- Butter (optional), 1 pat

- Liquor (optional, medicinal purposes only), few drops



Assembly:

- Form fist with one hand

- Drape cloth evenly over fist

- With finger of opposite hand, poke cloth down into fist to make a small pouch

- Drop in sugar

- Drop in butter (if required)

- Sprinkle in liquor (if required)

- Carefully pinch top of pouch closed with finger and thumb of the fist hand, then use opposite hand to wrap rubber band etc around the enclosed ingredients, forming a handy little lump

- Poke lump into mouth and curl up in fetal position, enjoying sweet sweet comforting taste while hating those who have offended you. Use dangling dry ends of cloth to wipe away tears of bitter frustration.



Notes:

- Can substitute lump of chocolate instead of butter

- Clean linen cloth may work better than dirty old shop rag

- Do not eat entire sugar teat, cloth and rubber band may cause indigestion

- Although salt looks like sugar, it makes for a less satisfying teat

 

[jmeehan]

I'll try this next time the truck is resisting being worked on.

A little suger in the liqour and all is good again

 

[Forrest Nearing]

LMAO! I'll stick w/ my Franziskaner

 

[B.G. Smith]

If you are old enough to remember the "sugsar teat", you probably have heard of the "coal oil and sugar" medecine too and maybe the asphidity(sp) bag?

 

[Mike Ellis]

B. G. ,



I remember my granny teasing me about giving me a teaspoon of coal oil and sugar when I was a kid, all of her family in the old days was very poor (sharecroppers and farm workers) and had to rely on the old home remedies. I never had the coal oil cure used on me, but I remember her talking about turpentine used in salves and such. I didn't have much done to me in the way of home cure-alls other than a couple of poultices, tobacco compress on stings etc.



I have heard guys from outside of Texas mention a thing they called an "asafatida bag" (sp?) never heard of this plant down here but they said it stunk to high heaven and was put in a bag that you would wear on a necklace to help with colds and flu and such. Also had a guy tell me about using a poultice made out of that stuff and leeks (something else I haven't run into), said if you could stand the stench on your chest overnight by morning you would be cured of anything... .

 

[JTBMC]

Sugar teats yea,

I also look forward to a sweet sugar teat in the evenings, a pair is even better for the inside and the outside of me.

TJ