Here are some words of wisdom, do you know any?

[Pit Bull]

1. Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.



2. The closest I ever got to a 4. 0 in school was my blood alcohol content.



3. Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.



[Eww!]



4. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it... so I said "Implants?"



5. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.



6. I have my own little world. But it's OK... they know me here.



7. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.



8. I got a sweater for Christmas... I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.



9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?



10. I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.



11. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.



12. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.



13. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.



14. I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!



15. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.



16. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?



17. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?



18. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?



19. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.



20. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

 

[RonaldLarson]

Wise words

If age increases intelligence, I must be a genius.



Men age like wine, women age like milk.



Christ is coming, and he ain't too happy.



Ron

 

[Bob Wagner]

Do the job right the first time !!!!



and do your homework too

 

[EMDDIESEL]

"If it looks like roast beef, dont eat it" "Tracers work both ways" "If the enemy is in range, so are you"

 

[jhartley]

Don't sweat the petty things,and don't pet the sweaty things.

 

[Shovelhead]

If Momma ain't happy, nobody's happy.



Never share a foxhole with somebody braver than you are.



In combat, the buddy system is essential to your survival.

It gives the enemy sombody else to shoot at.



The most dangerous thing thing in a combat zone is an officer with a map, and compass.

 

[mikel]

Incoming fire has the right-of-way.



Military Intelligence -- Contradiction in terms



If at first you don't succeed, maybe skydiving isn't your thing.



Learn from the mistakes of others, you won't live long enough to make them all yourself.



Mike

 

[nickleinonen]

beauty is in the eye of the beerholder

 

[Morphious]

I like to practice... ... Mind over Matter... if you don't mind, it doesn't matter.





Another word of advice... . Don't **** on electric fences.



Morph.

 

[phoekema]

more

Man who marrys for money soon earns it



Better that a child should cry when corrected than his parrents years later



It is better to keep silent and let others think you are a fool than to speak out an remove all doubt



If your mind goes blank, don't forget to turn off the sound

 

[JCockrell]

A closed mouth gathers no foot. I should heed that more.

 

[FAllen]

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

 

[KPhillips]

Arbitrary power is most easily established on the ruins of liberty abused to licentiousness. -- George Washington



“Do or do not. There is no try. ” Yoda



kerryp

bastrop, tx

 

[Scot]

Force to fit. File to hide. Paint to cover.



Tighten it until it cracks, then back off 1/4 turn.



Micrometers should not be used as c-clamps.



It is always darkest just before it goes completely black.

 

[BFC]

No matter how good looking she is, somebody, somewhere is tired of her I TRIED TO BY-PASS THE CUSSING FILTER.



Glenn

 

[EMDDIESEL]

"If you cant fix it, Duck it" (An ode to the fabulous Duct tape)

 

[lschultz]

Do as I say not as I do!

 

[Blu-meanie]

Don't squat with your spurs on.



Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.



Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.



Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.



There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.



If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.



Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.



Never miss a good chance to shut up.

 

[Champane Flight]

Kind

"Argueing on the internet is like running in the Speicial Olympics, somebody does win, but both people are retarded. "



"If things were any better, I would be suspicious. "

 

[Hummin Cummins]

Never let 'em see ya sweat