Hunting Joke

[RBrunson]

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. (is that legal?)

The pilot came back as arranged, to pick them up.



They started loading teir gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind. "



They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity.



Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness.



Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, Doc, do you know where we are?"



"I think so, says Doc, it looks like the same place where we crashed last year. "

 

[Shovelhead]

Another hunting story

Two hunters were in the woods when they ran across a large grizzly bear.

The two started running for all they were worth, when one stopped, took off his backpack, removed a pair of sneakers, and put them on in place of his boots. His buddy said "you can't outrun that bear you idiot!". The other replied " I know, but all I need to do is to outrun you!"

 

[Papa Joe]

After checking two green-horn hunters for guns, licenses, and tags, the Game Warden commented they would have an easier task if they pulled their deer out of the woods by the horns rather than the hind legs.

Later, when they stopped to take a break one hunter says, "You know, the warden was right. The horns are a great grip, the hair doesn't pick up pine needles, and the rear legs don't snag the brush like the horns did. "

The other replied, "Yup, but we ain't gettin' no closer to the rig. "



Joe

 

[JAK]

Two guys are out hunting, suddenly one grabs his chest and keels over. The other guy dials 911 on his cell phone and when the operator answers he yells "I think Bubba's dead!, what do I do?". Very calmly the operator says, "OK, first you have to make sure that Bubba really is dead". The guy says, "OK!"..... BANG!! "Now what do I do?"

 

[work2muchplay2little]

OK, here's one for the medical people out there:



There were four doctors who go duck hunting; a family doc, an internist, a surgeon, and a pathologist. They're sitting in their blind when they see some birds heading their way. The family doc stands up trying hard to tell if there are any ducks in the flock, he turns to the other three doctors inquiring if they think any of the birds are ducks and if he should shoot, the discussion goes on and on and the birds fly overhead and not a shot is fired. An hour goes by and the next flock flies over and the internist aims his gun, muttering to himself; rule out geese, rule out pigeons, rule out hawks and the flock flies over and he never gets off a shot. Two more hours go by and the next flock approaches, just as they get within range the surgeon jumps up and begins firing rapidly, reloading several times as the flock passes overhead. Birds are falling out of the sky everywhere. As the last bird falls the surgeon turns to the pathologist and says; go out there and see if I shot any ducks.

 

[Doc Tinker]

One morning, a father and his young son were in the forest hunting rabbits. After about an hour, they finally came across some rabbit tracks. In between the tracks, there were these little round brown pellets, and the son said to his father, "Dad, what are those?"



The father replied, "Those are smart pills. Try a couple. " So the kid grabbed a couple of them and put them in his mouth. The boy made a funny face and said to his dad, "Ewww! Yuk! They taste like ****. "



The father replied, "See, you're getting smarter already. "

 

[Doc Tinker]

A farmer was having problems with a bear climbing up his tree in the back yard, so he hired this guy who came very highly recommended to catch the bear.



The hunter came with a shotgun, rope, and a small dog. He gave the shotgun to the farmer and said, "Stay down here and I'll climb the tree, and shake the branches. When the bear falls, my dog will bite on his ***s, and while the bear is in agony, I'll come down and tie him up with the rope. Okay?"



The farmer nodded his head and asked, "But what is the shotgun for?"



The hunter replied, "Well, sometimes I fall off the tree. In that case, shoot the dog - fast!"

 

[jwdeeming]

Two guys go dove hunting. They come upon a meadow surrounded by trees and set up on one side to wait. Presently a dove comes zipping by and as the first bloke raises up to shoot, the bird falls from the sky - drops in the grass, graveyard dead. Not a sound was heard.



Soon another bird flies past and before either fellow can fire a shot, the bird drops lifeless in precisely the same spot. After a third dove does the same, they stroll out into the meadow to investigate.



They find a guy out in the grass, lying face up, with three dead doves at his side. Seeing he has no shotgun, and having heard nothing, they ask him how he is doing this.



"I just Ugly them down" he replies. "When the doves fly over, I just make the ugliest face I can and they drop dead!"



The two shotgunners are impressed and ask him how he learned this trick.



"My wife taught me. But I had to quit bringing her - -



- - she was tearing them up too bad!"

 

[hammersley]

Talking Dog

This guy goes into the bar with his yellow lab named Abby.



The bartender sees him and says "Hey-you can't bring a dog in here!"



The guy says, "Wait a minute, this is a talking dog. In fact I'll bet you a beer that he can answer a question for me!"



The bartender says - you're on!



The guy says "Abby, what's on top of a house?"



Abby looks intently at him and barks WOOF!



That's right a Roof, the guy says.



The Tarbender can't believe he fell for this but gives him a beer.



A half hour goes by and the guy says, I'll bet my dog can answer another question.



The tarbender says, well OK, but it had better not be like the last one!



Ok - Abby - What quality does sandpaper have? Abby barks out - RUFF!



That's right - it's Rough! Give me another beer.



The tarbender is besides himself, but gives the guy a beer.



Well you guessed it - the fellow finishes his beer, looks at the tarbender and says, I've got another one for you!



To that the tarbender replies, "Ok, but if it's like the last two - I kicking your butt outt'a here!



Ok Ok.



Abby - Who was the best baseball player of all time?



Abby replies - Woof!



That's right - Babe Ruth.



Well that was enough and the next thing the fellow was out on the street with his trusty lab sitting next to him.



The guy says "Abby, I guess he didn't like your answer. "



Abby looks over at the guy and says "Do you think I should have said DiMaggio?"