Attention: TDR Forum Junkies 
Out Sourcing Jobs Reaches New Heights
by Staff Reporter Melynda Jill Satire
Washington D. C. - Congress today announced that the Office of President
of the United States will be outsourced to overseas as of June 30th, the
end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in
salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related
overhead. "The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman
Adam Smith (D - Wash) who, with the aid of the Congressional research
arm, the General Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American
jobs extensively. "We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay
and remain competitive in the world stage," Congressman Smith said.
Exporting American jobs has been a popular trend lately, ironically at
the urging of President Bush. Mr. Bush was informed by email this
morning of the termination of his position. He will receive health
coverage, expenses and salary until his final day of employment. After
that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be eligible for $240
dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately
he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage
as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit.
"I'm in shock," Mr. Bush stated. "I thought for sure I'd have some job
security around this place. I have no idea what I'll do now," he
further lamented.
Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move.
Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be
assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr.
Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on
student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will
receive a salary of $320 USD a month but with no health coverage or
other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr.
Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US
Government will not be open.
"I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an
exclusive interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the
American Express call center. I always knew I could be President
someday. "
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional
Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script "tree" to
follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The
Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as
these scripting tools have already been used previously by Mr. Bush here
in the US. Such scripts will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer
without having to fully understand the issue itself. "
Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including
that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.
by Staff Reporter Melynda Jill Satire
Washington D. C. - Congress today announced that the Office of President
of the United States will be outsourced to overseas as of June 30th, the
end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in
salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related
overhead. "The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman
Adam Smith (D - Wash) who, with the aid of the Congressional research
arm, the General Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American
jobs extensively. "We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay
and remain competitive in the world stage," Congressman Smith said.
Exporting American jobs has been a popular trend lately, ironically at
the urging of President Bush. Mr. Bush was informed by email this
morning of the termination of his position. He will receive health
coverage, expenses and salary until his final day of employment. After
that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be eligible for $240
dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately
he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage
as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit.
"I'm in shock," Mr. Bush stated. "I thought for sure I'd have some job
security around this place. I have no idea what I'll do now," he
further lamented.
Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move.
Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be
assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr.
Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on
student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will
receive a salary of $320 USD a month but with no health coverage or
other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr.
Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US
Government will not be open.
"I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an
exclusive interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the
American Express call center. I always knew I could be President
someday. "
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional
Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script "tree" to
follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The
Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as
these scripting tools have already been used previously by Mr. Bush here
in the US. Such scripts will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer
without having to fully understand the issue itself. "
Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including
that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.
