....mmmmm, lecho'n,mmmmm.....
First, get a plane ticket to the Philippines. (bring about $500 US)
Next, make your way out into the countryside, where, just like here, farmers are farmers, and just like here, are hospitable to a traveler who behaves in a civil manner.
Find one or two that have about a 200 lb hog. (they're a very common piece of livestock)
Negotiate a deal for "lechon" (roast pig)
Invite the whole Barangay (smallest unit of Philippine government, sometimes only comprising a few city blocks).
The guys will start early in the morning, some gathering buko (coconut tree) wood, and some slaughtering and cleaning the hog.
When he's cleaned (watching is not for the squeamish

remember this is a nearly 3rd world country) they'll skewer him from stern to stem with a 4"diameter bamboo spit. Each end will be supported on a Y stick, and the square end will have a smaller piece of bamboo poked thru at 90* angles to make a "T" handle.
The buko coals are under the pig. the 2 guys in charge spend the next 5-6 hours taking turns turning the pig or water-basting the skin.
In the meantime, the "womenfolk" cook all the other fiesta food, some of the other guys go back and forth, supplying an endless river of San Miguel beer and Royal orange soda.
The businesses nearly all close, everybody comes and goes, and you get to be a local hero for a day, meeting the reps from the Barangay government and you'll swear up and down til your dying day that that was the best $500 you ever spent!
The preferred sauce, available here in the States, BTW, is called "Mang Tomas' Sauce". Dip the pork chunks in it, but don't read the ingredient list.
It's even better when the Barangay is your wife's family's "home town" and everybody there is a cousin of varying distance. Imagine Mayberry with palm trees and an ocean!
