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The Ranch Hand

Don't be too patriotic! - chew on this!

Wouldn't want any out-of-state guys to see this. ;) :D





Green Garden Grass snakes can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not

rattlesnakes.



A couple in Rockwall, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent

cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from

a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was

hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and

the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream. The

husband, who was taking a shower, ran out into the living room naked to see

what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got

down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the

family dog came and cold-nosed him on the leg. He thought the snake had

bitten him and he fainted. His wife thought he'd had a heart attack, so she

called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the

stretcher and started carrying him out.



About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency

Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when

the man broke his leg and why he is in the hospital at Garland. The wife

still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor

man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up

newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and

told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But in relaxing, her

hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling

around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa, and

the neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out tried to

use CPR to revive her.



The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery

store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband

in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and

cutting his scalp to a point where it would need stitches. The noise woke

the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor

with his wife bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by the

snake. She went to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey, and

began pouring it down the man's throat.



By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the

whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to

arrest them all, when the two women tried to explain how it all happened

over a little green snake. They called an ambulance, which took away the

neighbor and his sobbing wife. Just then the little snake crawled out from

under the couch. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He

missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on one side of

the sofa. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb

broke, it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat

out the flames and fell through the window into the yard on top of the

family dog, who, startled, jumped up and raced out into the street, where an

oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car and

set it on fire. Meanwhile the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the

entire house was blazing.



Neighbors had called the fire department and the arriving fire-truck had

started raising its ladder as they were halfway down the street. The rising

ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and

disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area of south

Rockwall along Texas State Route 205.



Time passed ... ... ... . Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house

was re-built, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their

world .....



About a year later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold

snap for that night. The husband asked his wife if she thought they should

bring in their plants for the night.



She shot him.
 
Originally posted by Jumbo Jet

I am offended. A victim of citizenship profiling. I protest. Everyone knows that Texans drive Fords!



You are absolutely correct! We need to call in the Rebm. Jesse Jackson to rectumufy this tragedy of demogramuphical segremugation! :D
 
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