Things you wish you could say at work

[CGoyette]

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK...



1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of ****.



2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.



3. How about never? Is never good for you?



4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.



5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.



6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.



7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.



8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.



9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.



10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...



11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.



12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.



13. I have plenty of talent and vision, I just don't give a damn.



14. Does everyone visualize duct tape over your mouth so early into the conversation?



15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about your being competent.



16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.



17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.



18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.



19. What am I?... Flypaper for freaks!



20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.



21. And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be... ?



22. Do I look like a people person?



24. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.



25. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.



26. If I throw a stick, will you leave?



27. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.



28. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.



29. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.



30. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.



31. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?



32. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.



33. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?



34. CHAOS, PANIC, & DISORDER - my work here is done.



35. How do I set a laser printer to stun?



36. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

 

[Whitmore]

my all time favorite is

I would love to have a game of witts with you but I see you are unarmed ... ... ... ... Kevin

 

[JConley]

Here is my favorite



I would love to see your point of view, but I cant stuff my head as far up my butt as you can.

 

[Bob Beauchaine]

Here's a couple:

The six phases of the project:

1. Enthusiasm

2. Dissillusionment

3. Panic

4. Search for the guilty

5. Punishment of the innocent

6. Praise and honors for the non-participants.



OR

We the willing led by the unknowing are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.



and one of my favorites

Acthung!

Alles Lookenspeepers

Das computenmachine is nict fur gerfingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen, und poppencorken mit spittzenzparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pokets - relaxen und watch das blinkenlights.

Happy Trails

Bob

 

[TKilgore]

Undoubtedly you have mistaken be for someone that gives a sh**! Oh, wait a minute, I DID say that. OOPS, wrong thread. Tom

 

[Doc Tinker]

HAHAHA!!! - You guys don't even WANT to KNOW some of the things that I've said at work. Hmmm... I wonder if that's got something to do with my demotion to a job that pays 1/2 of what the old job paid.



Doc

 

[Whitmore]

hey Doc, a while back they were givin you the biz on your avitar, I was wonderin if you were one of the loofah's on the willey wonka chocklet factory?? hows the pay on that?



umpa umpa umpadedo - I have got some choclet for you



as mayor of munchkin town



follow the yellow brick road



if you had blue skin you would be in

 

[Hummin Cummins]

I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to make money

 

[Shovelhead]

Gee, I'm sorry but you have me confused with someone who gives a flying f***



DILLIGAF= Do I Look Like I Give A F***?

 

[LarryB]

Here's a quarter... ... ... .....

 

[Shovelhead]

Larry, we've had to update that one around here as payphone calls are now 50 cents.

 

[klenger]

We the willing led by the unknowing are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little we are now qualified to do anything with nothing ...

... in no time at all.



We had a couple of motos:



You can buy better, but you can't pay more for it.



We're not happy till you're not happy.



I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[LarryB]

We do three kinds of jobs here



1. cheap

2. fast

3. good



Pick any two!

 

[Deezul1]

I find myself saying, Boss you are awsome and nobody can do it better than you.







I am self employed, best boss I ever had and I never have to beg for time of to go to Diesel Rallies.

 

[The Sequel]

Your life is not my fault!

 

[Deerhound]

If it wasn't for mis-management, we'd have no management at all.

 

[Scot]

Prior to class, Emergency Medical Instructor is I TRIED TO BY-PASS THE CUSSING FILTER chatting with Captain about people born without brains and what can be done with them. I offered "send them over here and we can make them a Captain. " He was not amused...



Then there was the time I asked an elementary school class if he looked like Homer Simpson... Actually he looks and acts a lot like Homer. We have even trained him to say D'oh! properly.



Then there is that little mystery of how 2 pink flamingos appeared in the yard of the fire station shortly after we were moved into a trailer house after the station was condemned as a health hazard due to mold infestation. "Uh Chief, I don't have a clue. "

 

[NVR FNSH]

I work in what has to be the last bastion of white male engineering groups in my company - the boss is the only 'diversity' and it's because he's a white male Scot. We have 3 degreed engineers between 25-35, 4 degreed engineers between 35-50 and 3 crusty old guys that came up from the shop floor - 2 machinists & a tool/die maker - they know everything, literally.



I hear or say most of those lines every day.



The project mgr wasn't too amused by my comment about good, fast or cheap - pick two in the last project meeting.





Brian

 

[Bill Lins]

"A failure to plan on your part does not necessarily constitute an emergency on my part. "

 

[Shovelhead]

Sign on my office door:



Welcome to the offices of Priority one, Emergency, Rush, and Hot.



We adopted this name as every request we receive is labeled this way.



Should we RUSH your RUSH job ahead if the RUSH job we were rushing before you rushed in?





Bill,

When dealing with the "Powers" around here.....

Their failure to plan ALWAYS makes it an emergency on my part.