Things you wish you could say at work

[me4osu]

Now I know why giving 96 & 98 % never worked

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100%.



Well here's how you do that. Here's how you can achieve 103%.

First of all, here's a little math that might prove helpful in the future.



How does one achieve 100% in LIFE?



Begin by noting the following.

IF: A = 1 B = 2

C = 3 D = 4

E = 5 F = 6

G = 7 H = 8

I = 9 J = 10

K = 11 L = 12

M = 13 N = 14

O = 15 P = 16

Q = 17 R = 18

S = 19 T = 20

U = 21 V = 22

W = 23 X = 24

Y = 25 Z = 26



Thus: H A R D W O R K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = Only 98%



Similarly, K N O W L E D G E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = Only 96%



But interesting (and as you'd expect), A T T I T U D E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%



This is how you achieve 100% in LIFE.



But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO NOTE (or REALIZE), is that



B U L L S **T = 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%



So now you know what all those high-priced consultants, upper management, and motivational speakers really mean when they want to exceed 100%!

 

[Shovelhead]

ROFLMAO me4osu,

I'll have to send a copy of that one to the boss.

 

[Mark_Kendrick]

I resemble #8. . LMAO

 

[RBrunson]

Sign on my desk says, "Don't think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who is allways right".

 

[redneckdr]

more

someone drained the gene pool before you got yours.....

you're depriving some village somewhere of their idiot... ...

i'm going to promote you, and place you in a different department... you've created about all the hate, insurrection, and unrest this department can stand... .

 

[klenger]

"What part of NO don't you understand"!

 

[Bigsaint]

" Really, only two beers, is it possible thay they were contained in 1 gallon jugs ???"



Scott W.

 

[Bigsaint]

" I'm sorry sir, my internal lie detector just went off and I soiled my trousers, excuse me while I change before you run that story by me again".



Scott W.

 

[Bigsaint]

" You found your way to Pearl Harbor, I know you can find your way back to NYC if you try REAL hard". ( that one cost a trooper his job).



Scott W.

 

[Bigsaint]

" Here's $5. 00 to reimburse you for my salary that you pay, now let me tell you what I think".



Okay, I've vented and will stop now.



Scott W.

 

[me4osu]

funny if it weren't true

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field. "

"You must be an engineer!" says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone. "

The engineer says, "You must be a corporate manager. "

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault. "

 

[klenger]

me4osu:



Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Now I'm unemployeed.

 

[Scollins]

Re: Now I know why giving 96 & 98 % never worked

Originally posted by me4osu

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100%.



Well here's how you do that. Here's how you can achieve 103%.

First of all, here's a little math that might prove helpful in the future.



How does one achieve 100% in LIFE?



Begin by noting the following.

IF: A = 1 B = 2

C = 3 D = 4

E = 5 F = 6

G = 7 H = 8

I = 9 J = 10

K = 11 L = 12

M = 13 N = 14

O = 15 P = 16

Q = 17 R = 18

S = 19 T = 20

U = 21 V = 22

W = 23 X = 24

Y = 25 Z = 26

Yes, but you can achieve much, much more:

PASSTHEBUCK = 125%

 

[Bill Lins]

For BigSaint: (after a violator asks the officer if he gets a commission on every ticket he writes)



"Yessir- ten more speeding tickets and my wife wins a new toaster!"

 

[Bigsaint]

LOL@Bill !!! Thanks Bill, made me laugh and I needed that tonight



Scott W.

 

[redneckdr]

another

"if you don't know where you're going, you'll most likely end up somewhere else"..... credited to Yogi Berra.

 

[me4osu]

PASSTHEBUCK

Good one SCollins.



Klenger

Topic = "Things you WISH you could say at work" Although I am not considered politically astute (otherwise I would be among the ranks of the true delegators), I can tell the real CLM items from things I would get a good natured one finger salute from. Honestly, my manager is pretty cool; we smart off to each other constantly.

 

[willyslover]

I can see your living proof that the Indians Forked the buffalo



you are proof that the peter principal was 100% correct you big pric*

 

[rich m]

I used this one before there was "sensitivity training"...

"You're entitled to your opinion. Would you also like the facts?"



7"p"'s Proper Prior Planning Prevents ****-Poor Performance.



From an old guy who always would call in his Rx's about 5 minutes before coming to the store. (NO! this is NOT a good definition of lead-time!! ) : "A guy could die waiting for you!"

My response: "Promises, promises!"

 

[RHARVEY]

I am not your mother... . clean up your own mess!!!!!







Rick