Totally off the record...

[schu777]

I was on a web site of http://www.totallyofftherecord.com/story/ and saw this... love the part of the "... had been neglected of oil. "



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Totally off the record... We had this terrible storm coming our way this particular spring evening. Several guests had apparently heard it on the radio and TV of the storm coming.



As the evening got darker, we noticed that several cars had now been parked underneath the huge canopy to the entrance. It had now started raining and one guest was barely able to squeeze his car in so he could actually check in to his room.



He told us of his difficulty getting in underneath so he could come in. I'd made a decision to examine the situation.



I proceeded to ask the guests in the cars if they did not have a room here, that they'd have to leave. They did so with the understanding - only to leave room for others to park underneath there.



The final one was a scruffy woman driver who was pulling a 25-ft trailer full of big mechanical stuff. She'd asked us if she could park her huge Cummings pick-up and trailer underneath there.



We told that she couldn't because it blocks the entrance to the hotel and prevents other guests coming in so they can check in safely without being hit by any possible hailstones.



We must've enunciated something wrong, because she threw a rod and said she has expensive stuff on her trailer and doesn't want it to be wet or damaged.



We'd suggested that she'd have plenty of room parking it all underneath the interstate's overpass safely from the storm. This didn't sit well with her either.



She stormed off in a pounding fit -much like any engine does when it had been neglected of oil.



Wouldn't ya know it, she was bound and determined to get all of her 25+ ft of stuff underneath there. She did.



The rest of the evening was spent calling her room because other guests demanded her to move her trailer somewhere else so they can get in.



Maybe in the future, if there is a storm coming into town, the weathermen should clearly say NOT to park their vehicles underneath any hotel canopies because they're not safe. It was just not a good night that night.

 

[lil red cummins]

cummings??





too sad

 

[gds3076]

When I click the link this is the article that I read. and I thought it was pretty funny





Totally off the record... I was flying to San Francisco this weekend, and the stewardess reading the flight safety information had the whole plane looking at each other like "what the heck?".



So once we got airborne, I took out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't forget. I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most of it.



Before Takeoff... .



Hello and welcome to Alaska flight 438 to San Francisco. If you're going to San Fransisco, you're in the right place. If you're not going to San Francisco, you're about to have a really long evening.



We'd like to tell you now about some important safety features of this aircraft. The most important safety feature we have aboard this plane is... The Flight Attendants. Please look at one now.



There are 5 exits aboard this plane, 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and one out the plane's rear end. If you're seated in one of the exit rows, please do not store your bags by your feet. That would be a really bad idea.



Please take a moment and look around and find the nearest exit. Count the rows of seats between you and the exit. In the event that the need arises to find one, trust me, you'll be glad you did. We have pretty blinking lights on the floor that will blink in the direction of the exits. White ones along the normal rows, and pretty red ones at the exit rows.



In the event of a loss of cabin pressure these baggy things will drop down over your head. You stick it over your nose and mouth like the flight attendant is doing now. The bag won't inflate, but there's oxygen there, I promise.



If you are sitting next to a small child, or someone who is acting like a small child, please do us all a favor and put on your mask first. If you are travelling with two or more children, please take a moment now to decide which one is your favorite. Help that one first, and then work your way down.



In the seat pocket in front of you is a pamphlet about the safety features of this plane. I usually use it as a fan when I'm having my own personal summer. It makes a very good fan. It also has pretty pictures. Please take it out and play with it now.



Please take a moment now to make sure your seat belts are fastened low and tight about your waist. To fasten the belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle. To release, it's a pully thing - not a pushy thing like you're car cuz you're in an airplane, hello!



There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put you out. This is a free service we provide.



There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit. We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight, hold on, let me check what it is... ... ... . Oh here it is, the movie tonight is 'Gone with the Wind'.



In a moment we will be turning off the cabin lights, and it's going to get really dark, really fast. If you're afraid of the dark, now would be a good time to reach up and press the yellow button. The yellow button turns on your reading light. Please don't press the orange button unless you absolutely have to. The orange button is your seat ejection button.



We're glad to have you with us on board this flight. Thank you for choosing Alaska Air, and giving us your business and your money. If there's anything we can do to make you more comfortable, please don't hesitate to ask.



If you all weren't strapped down you would have given me a standing ovation wouldn't you?



After landing...



Welcome to the San Francisco International Airport. Sorry about the bumpy landing. It's not the captian's fault. It's not the co-pilot's fault. It's the Assphault.



Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane to the gate. So please don't even try. Please be careful opening the overhead bins because shift happens.

 

[Sticks]

That's entertainment. The "Gone with the wind" for smokers is a little old, but the rest is funny.



My guess is that either the airline is trying to provide a more relaxed environment, or the flight attendant is either short timing, or hates their job.

 

[ladyjaine]

Nope, neither of the above. Attendants on some airlines are encouraged to vary the safety speech. Everyone paid attention to it didn't they? Nuff said.



Jean

 

[gds3076]

Sure everybody paid attention



But the reason why they paid attention was because I am sure the passangers where wondering what she was going to say next...

 

[DPelletier]

Westjet attendants perform a similar routine all the time. It does make you sit up and take notice the first time!



Dave

 

[Cummins Pilot]

"In the event of a crash landing put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye. "