Tourist info for coming to Denver CO

[Sticks]

Welcome to Denver, Colorado!



1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Den-ver" not

Denvah.



2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Denver has its own

version of traffic rules... the cars/truck with the loudest muffler goes

next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that.

Blue-haired, green-haired or cranberry-haired ladies driving anything

have right of way anytime.



3. To find anything in Denver it is required that you know where Colfax

and Broadway are ... they are the Alpha and Omega. The Beginning and the

End.



4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour

is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.



5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,

cussed out and possibly shot.



6. You must know that "I-25 and the Valley Hwy" are the same road. Same

goes for Hampden Ave, Hwy 285 - they are the same too.



7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Denver. The barrels are moved

around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit

more exciting.



8. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as drunks, jay-walkers,

pan-handlers, coyotes, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot

holes, cats, pieces of other cars, and truck tires. Be especially alert

for squirrels, rabbits, owls and crows or vultures feeding on any of

these items.



9. Ground clearance of at least 12" inches for your vehicle is

recommended for city driving. A lot of "stuff" falls off or falls from

something.



10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the

shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally

activated".



11. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways; I-25, Hwys 76,

225/285/Hampden, Hwys 87 and 36 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered a

road hindrance. This is Colorado's version of NASCAR. The difference is

some drivers are armed and irritable!



12. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.



13. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55-65 zone you

are considered a road hazard, and will be flipped off and fined

accordingly.



14. The trend in recent years indicates if it's 70 degrees, Thanksgiving

must be next weekend.



15. For mountain driving, check your mirrors frequently. If you are in the lead, and you can not see the end of the line of cars behind you, you are the traffic obstruciton. Pull over and stay the he!! out of the way.



Welcome to Denver, Colorado. We enjoy things the way they are and

wouldn't have it any other way. Enjoy your stay, it's been nice having

you. Now go back from whence you came.

 

[klenger]

Lead, follow, or get out of the way!!!



Numbered aveneus (sp) go E-W, numbered streets go SE-NW. Know the difference.



Downtown is a mess, and you can't get there from wherever you are.

 

[Hohn]

Sticks, you're right on. They are doing time trials for Daytona on I-25!



From Ft Collins to Cheyenne, you can cruise at 85 and people will pass you left and right!



jlh

 

[fkovalski]

:-laf :-laf :-laf



edit-

If I may add this corrolary to #15: If you can't pass an 18 wheeler uphill at at least 65mph, STAY IN THE RIGHT LANE!

 

[KBennett]

Good one sticks! :-laf



I heard they finally passed a law in Colorado that made the left lane for passing only. I came from the Chicago suburbs and if people drove there the way they do here there would be some serious road rage.

 

[GiesJ]

I don't know, only in Colorado do you have to post Minimum speed limit signs. I-25 is so much nicer when it opens to 3 lanes.

 

[GiesJ]

Kbennett - I got this email several years ago (similiar to the Denver one), I'm from the burbs of Chi town too-

Driving in Illinois...



First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-ca-go, or Cha-ca-ga depending on if you live North or South of Roosevelt Rd.



Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If you're in Naperville and your map is a day old, then it is already obsolete.



Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray. "



There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We all drive like that.



All directions start with, "I-94"... which has no beginning and no end.



The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.



If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.



Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooooo much fun with that we have added Elgin, O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix.



All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Cicero!"



If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.



Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.



All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period.



First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway,all mysteriously change names as you

cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples).

If asking directions in Cicero you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in

Bridgeport, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on the West or South side you better be armed.



A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.



The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.



The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin is not ornamental.



The Congress Expressway is our daily version of NASCAR.



The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap. "



If it's 100 degrees, It's taste of Chicago. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, It's opening day at Comiskey Park. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western open Golf Classic is in the second round.



If you go to the Wrigley Field pay the $25. 00 to park in "Cubs Lot". Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his 'yard', run over him.

 

[KBennett]

GiesJ, that is funny. I lived in St. Charles and Wheaton/Glen Ellyn area.



I really miss the food.