What do you know about leukemia?

[SRath]

Some of you may know that I coach a high school trap shooting team for the terrific small town school my sons attend. Despite the brutal weather, season is getting underway and we are getting the new and bigger team together.



My hopes to have all our experienced members from last year's inaugural team return to help guide the many, many new members this season were dashed when my son told me this week that one of the boys, a truly fine young man in his senior year who is supposed to be playing basketball for the Iowa Hawkeyes next season while attending the U of I, was just diagnosed with leukemia last week.



The rest of the students, and I mean the whole tight-knit school, are already fundraising with many signing up to be tested for bone marrow compatibility in case his sisters, who are flying home, don't match. As a grown man accustomed to the unfairness of life, I nonetheless find myself stunned by outrage and disbelief, utterly useless emotions.



To know this 6 foot 5 (?) smiling and fun kid is to love him. Any father would be proud to call him son. This should be the best-so-far year of his barely-beginning and promising life. The Remington 1100 that I borrowed from afriend and "stretched" way out to fit his long lanky frame last season is ready and waiting in my gun cabinet... what a huge difference just modifying a gun to fit him made in his shooting scores last season. He absolutely lit up when I handed it to him to try. Eager, attentive, and so very coachable and likeable. A very positive leader with the stature and maturity to match.



He is in the hospital right now getting barraged with chemo and testing, and I hope to be allowed in to see him today or tomorrow. But I got word from another dad that his form of leukemia is of the most aggressive kind, and I'm just sickened by that. I don't know what exactly that may mean, just that it cannot be good.



Just a couple weeks ago he was helping his undefeated basketball team to what will hopefully be their 2nd state championship in the past 3 seasons. I just can't believe how fast this hit and I really worry how fast that may mean it progresses. What kind of brutal disease can do that so fast?

 

[odinjunior]

I don't know much about Leukemia but I sure wish that boy well...

 

[BoeingDiesel]

This is every parents nightmare. This boy will be in our prayers Srath.

Gregg

 

[BarryG]

SRath:

I have some knowledge about lukemia as my son had it when he was little. I am by no means anywhere near an expert. There are several different types of lukemia and there are subsets of those types. My son had ALL Acute Lymphoblastic Lukemia. We found out about it sort of accidently. He had fallen from a type of jungle jim a few days before and was complaining of pain in his leg intermitently since then (unfortunately for us it was the leg he had fallen on so we figured it was just the remants of that remember he was only 3) then that evening he was actually crying about the pain so my wife took him to the ER. They told her his leg was fine but just as they were leaving they told her she needed to go in for some additional bloodwork in the morning as something didnt look right. She took him in the following morning and he did not leave the hospital that day or even for a couple months. She was told that within another week he would have been dead. I was out of town during the beginning of this. As deadly as it used to be medical advances over the last few decades have increased the survival rate substantially for ALL. I think at this time it is upwards of 80+%. I do not know much about the other types. My son required chemo as well as radiation treatments to his spine and brain as it had gotten into his spinal fluid. When you are watching your 3-4 yr old son going through that nightmare it is almost unbearable. The chemo drugs are, at least during his time, were extremely toxic yet they are pumping them into him. The radiation side affects are very wide ranging. At times I felt the potential cure was as bad as the disease. My son is disabled to this day due to it. To be honest the emotions I had during that ordeal were many as one would expect. However the one that I regret to this day was my anger. Not at him but at just about everything else. Angry that it happened, angry about what he was going through, angry about what it meant potentially to his future then later angry about what it did do to his future, angry about how people treated him adults and kids (more than once I made a scene in public about the do-gooders who had no freaking idea about what they were talking or gawking about) heck I was even angry at being angry about it. To this day I still harbor some anger towards it. So with that being said I encourage you or anyone else in the family to utilize a support group. It took me a very long time to figure that out. I kind of poo pood the idea but once I finally actually talked with some who were in the same boat it really did help to know my emotions were common and it helped my anger.



Knowing that he has a tough row to hoe in front of him is obvious but also know that his parents may very well need some help with just basic stuff. One or both may work and may very well need to continue to work to pay the regular normal bills or to keep their insurance to pay for this ensuing nightmare that has befallen them. Simple things like laundry, mowing the grass or general chores around the house. If he has siblings they may need to be watched so the parents can spend more time at the hospital. From experience I can say many people will offer but few actually follow through on the effort to help out. And that it really is many of the little things that get in the way such as menial chores around the house like laundry, mowing, cleaning, grocery shopping etc. You really get pshycologically and emotionally wiped out. Those little things can help. Aside from the fact that you are helping them physically it is also an emotional help in it that they know they are not doing or going through this all alone. Other things that may help the boy are support from his friends and family. When my son lost his hair during it I shaved my head as well. He didnt say anything about it at the time except to make fun of how I looked without hair but several years later he mentioned once that it had actually made him feel good that he wasnt the only one without hair. Obviously your student is much older than my son was when he went through it but you get the idea I am sure.

 

[SRath]

That is stunning and sobering, Barry. I have two sons and just cannot imagine what your son, family, and self went through and continue to go through. I appreciate the news on the survival rate, and the young man is definitely in great athletic condition and is not a quitter. Those things will help.

The school's secretary lost her husband to cancer 2 years ago while their 4 kids were still in school. The support of the students and community was incredible and continues. One of the last things he lived to do was watch two of his sons lead their basketball team to the state title to cap an undefeated season. It was very emotional for all.

The school is having a fundraiser today where for $5 any student can get a "Brett Buzz" haircut. The principal led the way already by shaving his own head and beard, and I have no doubt there will be a whole lot of shiny heads in those hallways. It is a very tight-knit small town and school.

We are having a team meeting this evening and will be spending some time planning what we can do for our teammate and his family. I appreciate the suggestions. God Bless your family, Barry!

 

[fest3er]

Off-hand, I would say the two most important things anyone can do for them is to zip the lips and just listen, and make sure they laugh now and again. Just listen, because the very act of talking slows down the thought velocity and helps them make sense of things. Laugh, because it's always OK and good to laugh in the face of adversity; if they can laugh, at least for those moments their trouble will be lightened. And if they can laugh frequently, they'll all be able to get on with their normal lives.

And make sure the lad knows that by shedding every shred of dignity he ever had (probably through verbal and physical humor), he will be able to maintain his dignity.

 

[DSeamans]

Barry, Your reply says it all. My brother lost his wife to leukemia about 15 yrs ago and this past summer my wife had to deal with cancer. My other brother and his wife lost their only daughter 2 weeks before her first birthday to a rare disease. It's amazing how fast anger follows the initial surprise. This was the first thing in our 22 yrs of marriage that I couldn't fix. All I could do was watch and pray and trust the doctors knew what they were doing. You are also correct about the offers of help that are often not backed up. That said, other than prayers, help is what they need most right now. Tell people not to offer if they can't back it up. Get people together and make list of who does what when. Meals and laundry are two HUGE ways to help. Meals don't need to be every night, a couple dinners a week is a great break. The same with laundry.



Here's what not to do. NEVER say I know how you feel, or God has a reason so its for the best. Even if you had gone through it at the same age, no 2 people react the same. And even the strongest christian doesn't want to hear at a time like that that there is a reason. Just be there for him. Tell them repeatedly you want to help. Most are afraid to ask, so keep offering. Offer for specific things as their heads are spinning so hard they may not be able to think of something. Knock on the door with a simple hotdish in your hands and I guarantee they won't turn you away.



And, now you can tell him people he doesn't even know are praying for him and his family!



Dave

 

[tempforce]

i had a friend pass on from it in high school, he had it a bit over a year.

the meds available weren't that great in the 70's. i'm just glad i knew him.

on another note my father was diagnosed with a mild form, over ten years ago.

the veterans hospital didn't prescribe any treatment.

he passed on last year from other issues at 84 yrs.

so i would say, get treatment early, with todays meds. with the support of family and friends, he will do much better.

all the best to him, his family, friends and for his doctors skills.