What'd Your Mother Tell Ya?

[Doc Tinker]

Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.



Shut your mouth and eat your supper!



I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.



Doc

 

[chuck3]

Boy Doc, your Mother was mean. You sure you weren't adopted?

 

[illflem]

Mine told me if I swallowed watermelon seeds they would grow in my stomach.

I thought my big belly came from beer, now I'm worried that there may be a full grown watermelon in my stomach.

 

[lgibson]

Come on kids, were going to a petting zoo. She left us 5 kids at a foster home. :{ :{ :{

 

[IdaH.O.Train]

You'll go blind if you do that too much. :--)

 

[WOWZY]

Thank God for Lasik surgery then!!

 

[klenger]

I told her "I'll stop when I need glasses. "



She also asked "What do you want to be when you grow up". Actually she just asked that last month on my birthday.



"Eat all of your dinner because of the starving children in Africa. " Now I'm 40 lbs overweight.

 

[PUMPERDUDE]

Short story

Little brother was moping arround Christmas morning, not happy with what he had recieved from santa. Mom pulled out one last gift. It was a boomerang. Little brother, still not happy,said that" might hurt somebody ". Mom said "you got d@m right it could", broke boomerang into two pieces and whipped his little a$$ back to his room. Still makes me laugh. :-laf

 

[Dbonzi]

mom told me...

mom told me if i wore boxer shorts my thing would hang down to my knees



Boy was she a liar!!



Dennis

 

[Whitmore]

my mom always told me

for years and years that woman had teeth down there and her advice kept me pure as the driven snow for 20 years until one day a gal convinced me to take a look and when I finally did I was very shocked to find out that they dont have teeth down there and I told the gal... ... ... ... no wonder your gumes are in terrible shape!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-laf :-laf

 

[rrausch]

Mom bought a NEW Dodge in 1964 when I was 17. Slant 6 & 3 on the tree.

I tore the transmission out and then my brother totaled it in a roll-over. You don't wanna know what Momma told us...

 

[snake]

Mom Said

Work hard and you will go places.

 

[redneckdr]

bush

"don't worry son, for every scrubby mule, there is a scrubby bush to tie him to..... "

and dad said, "don't whiz into the wind, or uphill... ... "

then when i was about 20, "you should go far, AND SOON".

 

[Champane Flight]

Remember!

Remember, @#$@ rolls downhill Boy!

 

[Bob Beauchaine]

"Look both ways before you cross the street". She's been gone 13 years now and everytime I cross a street I think of her - very fondly.



Happy trails

Bob

 

[IdaH.O.Train]

The one that used to p!ss us off as kids was when we'd ask, "What's for dessert?" and mom would reply, "Dessert the table. "

 

[The patriot]

"You better behave or I'll whoop your butt!" I didnt, and she did.

My Mom is 5'3" of pure terror straight from Ireland!!



Dads favorite was "Pack your grip. "

Eric

 

[wcaldwell]

It took my Mom a couple of years to teach me to walk and talk, then for the next 16 years she told me "Sit down and shut up!!"

:-laf :-laf :-laf

 

[me4osu]

"Better eat that food, or I'll shove it in your ears!!"

 

[Shovelhead]

My personal favorite, from Bill Cosby:

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out... ... ... and I'll make another one that looks just like you. "