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Words women use......

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Survivor - Texas style

Okay, you're in a tight spot with your better half, so here's the inside scoop on how you can contain this situation by remembering the correct useage of all the relevant terminology. Good Luck!



FINE

This is the word women use at the end of any argument that they feel they are right about, but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.




FIVE MINUTES

This is actually more like half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that the football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so on balance a woman feels that it's an even trade.




NOTHING

If you ask her what is wrong and she says NOTHING, this means some-thing and you should be on your toes. NOTHING is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last FIVE MINUTES and end with the word FINE.




GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over NOTHING and will end with the word FINE.




GO AHEAD (normal eye-brows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care. " You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by NOTHING and FINE and she will talk to you in about FIVE MINUTES when she cools off.




LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and ar-guing with you over NOTHING.




SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
¨



THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead. " At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.




PLEASE DO

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay. "




THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say "you're welcome. "




THANKS A LOT

This is much different from "Thanks. " A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh. " Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing. "


 
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So what about.....

A sigh and the saying "Whatever " ????

I hear this which is followed by silence for days ;)
 
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<B><FONT color="red">THAT'S NICE</B></FONT>

This is the phrase that women use immediately after you've just shown them the latest accessory that you've added to your truck and explained how handy it will be.
 
THAT'S NICE will normally be followed by WHATEVER and as long as she does not mention money you're in the clear. If cost comes up get ready for the FIVE MINUTE argument ended with FINE .

 
Re: So what about.....

Originally posted by BV

A sigh and the saying "Whatever " ????

I hear this which is followed by silence for days ;)



Yea, and the only thing worse than the silence is when they start talking again.

John, do you know my wife??:D

I get a lot of *loud sighs* when *fine* women are around. This is never good... . usuially ends with *tanks a lot* and/or *fine*. :D

Eric
 
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Originally posted by TomGolden

I wonder if we can take our turbo silencer rings and install them on women... ... ... ... ... :D :p





Tom, you need to run for President:D :D ... ... I noticed no one has said anything about the unprintable words I hear from time to time for no obvious reason:confused: :rolleyes:
 
My wife's favorites are;



And we need this beacause ... ... ... . ?



What's it gonna cost ?

and last but not least



Are you talking ?;)
 
This stuff is invaluable, but women should come with gauges so we don't have to try to figure out what they "really" mean.
 
Originally posted by gatoram

I noticed no one has said anything about the unprintable words I hear from time to time for no obvious reason:confused: :rolleyes:

Actually, I put all the ... 's in myself. I wasn't trying to creatively hide any offensive language ;)



But I like the idea of a full set of gauges for women. Like a boost gauge, so you'd know when she was fixin' to blow her head gasket and come all unglued at you for spending too much $$ on BOMBing the truck :eek: :D
 
I'd like a pyrometer/temp gauge so i can tell when she's gettin all hot and bothered:D:p:D



Maybe a few idiot lights for those dangerous moments???
 
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