$100 Diesel Fuel Card - Let's Have Some Easy Fun! (Ends: May 15, 2009)

[telliott]

It was once said that an African American would be President when pigs fly..... 100 days into Obama's term, swine flu!

 

[Casey Ray]

This past Saturday we went to the local Fair and I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cooking contest. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

Yesterday I was able to get copies of the scorecards from the event:

(I was Judge #3)

Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 -- What the hell is this stuff?! You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put out the flames. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy!


Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.

Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pie-eyed from all of the beer...

Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish, or other mild foods; not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? The barmaid, was already standing behind me with fresh refills.

Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne ! peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. The barmaid saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.


Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...

Judge # 1 -- Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I pooped myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair! No one seems inclined to stand behind me anymore. I need a snow cone to wipe my butt.

Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho-hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress, as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild, nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over, and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 -- ………….

 

[Gary - K7GLD]

A truck for all occasions:

DODGE CUMMINS TRUCKS

Iron fist in a velvet glove

Works hard - Plays even harder! ​

 

[WHazelwood]

Robert had just added the latest goodies from Geno's and was anxious to try them out, so he took off in a cloud of smoke up Hwy 400. Sure enough he had not gone far before the blue lights were lighting up his mirror. He dutifully pulled over and one of the state's finest came up to his window and told him, "Look it late in the day and I just want to go home and not have to do a bunch of paperwork, If you can tell me an excuse that I've never heard, I'll let you go with a warning". Robert thought for a minute and said, " well officer, my wife ran off with a cop about 6 months ago and when I looked back and saw you, I was afraid that you were the him and that you were bringing her back!"

 

[HOBrian]

Third gen 6. 7 liter common rails are 17 year olds who, while they look like they're going to be super hot, they still have the baby fat and only want to hang out with rich pricks who drive Porsche's to look cooler to their high school friends.



Third gen 5. 9 liter common rails are 20 year old heiresses who make money by posing in Victoria's Secret and, while amongst the greatest lays in the world, think that they're way too good for you.



24 valve second gens are total gold digger 24 year olds that look good but really just want your money, aren't all that good in the sack and are dedicated to bleeding you dry.



12 valve second gens are like the 27 year old sluts who sleep with everybody, and have been for 10 years, so they are really good at it, but so overdone.



First gens are like the 32 year old mellowed down girls who, while not as intensely kinetic a lay, are so much more satisfying in their trustful intimacy.

 

[BBoone]

Diesels have come and Diesels have gone but it is the CUMMINS under the hood of my DODGE that makes my Truck Go!:-laf

 

[TDRadmin]

And the winner is ... .

Nice work!



And the winner is . . . .



WHazelwood for post #26.



Your $100 check will be mailed out on Monday.



Have a great weekend!



Robin

TDR Admin