rbattelle said:
Well, last night my wife and I discussed having children (we're only 27... married less than 2 years). Since the TDR has been such a great wealth of information to me, I thought I'd ask the current fathers out there how they felt before having kids and how they feel now. I have this sort of selfish "fear" (that I'm rather ashamed of) that kids will be so much work and effort that I won't be able to enjoy the freedoms I have now (taking off on vacation, having plenty of money, etc. ).
On the other hand, I know there must be some really great things about having kids since everyone seems to do it. And I'm sure it would be cool to raise a new generation of dieselhead.
Guess I'm just looking for some encouragement and opinions from successful fathers out there.
-Ryan
Ryan--
I think we are/were in similar situations. DINK lifestyle, gotta be on the go for military life, etc.
My wife and I decided that if we waited until we felt TOTALLY ready, then we would never end up having kids. Parenthood isn't something you can ever be 100% ready for. There's a step (maybe a leap for some) of faith involved.
Our daughter (1st kid) was born on St Patty's Day just 2 months ago. My wife is 30, I turn 30 in a week or so. We were 27 when we married, 24 when we met.
Even though my girl is only 2 months old, I can scarcely remember my life before her. Yes, it is difficult sometimes (read: sleep deprivation), but the positives outweigh the negatives by far, in my view. I love tending to her (changing her at least, since I don't have the "hardware" for feedings, lol). Bathtime is lots of fun, because she's so cute!
My wife is magnificent, and she's the biggest reason that having this baby has been so enjoyable for me. I really like knowing that my wife is home taking care of her, but also making an effort to get out of the house and stay active. It's good for both mother and child, imho.
While everyone seems to think THEIR advice is worth taking, I feel like I should share with you some wisdom that I was given by someone else. That is, when you have a kid, make a conscious effort to integrate the kid into your life, instead of letting your life totally revolve around the kid. If you like to camp-- go camping with the baby. If you like to ride bike or go for walks, keep on doing it with your kid along. Don't give up all you used to do because you have a kid now. If you can integrate them into the life you have already, you will avoid the resentment (from loss of freedom) that sometimes comes with having kids. If you feel resentment creeping in, ask yourself: am I REALLY trapped after having this kid, or is it a false or self-made prison? I believe it's usually the latter.
When you do this, you find that you really don't have to sacrifice so many of the things that you enjoyed about your childless freedom. Yes, things get a little more complicated in some ways (movies are at home more than at the theather), but you'd be surprised by how much things are able to stay the same.
True, having a kid changes everything forever. But that does NOT mean that your life changes into the opposite of what it was. You won't end up broke if you had enough money. You won't end up with no time at all if you feel you had enough before (and tell me who really does).
It's been my experience that having a kid just adds to your life. The love you have for your wife and child will be more than you could ever have conceived before.
A welcome side effect has been making a lot of good friends as we find people who are also in similar situations with their young kids. When you have the babies in common, it seems to pave the way for the foundation of a friendship.
Yes, I dread thinking about all that may be in my daughter's future, and that brings in some self-doubt. How can I teach her to wait for marriage to have sex, when our society is sexually obsessed? How can I teach her to love and fear God in a culture that laughs at people who actually believe every word of the Bible? How can I inspire her to do her best in school, to love learning for its own sake? How can I help her to have a healthy body image so she's not insecure about her appearance? How can I help her to know beyond ANY doubt that she is loved unconditionally? How can I show her the wisdom of learning from MY mistakes instead of repeating them to learn for herself?
I pray for wisdom quite seriously, as I think that I'd be pretty lost in this fatherhood thing without some help. I was fortunate to have a pretty amazing father myself. He was a good example of hard work, humility, discipline, and love.
It's especially humbling to think that God would entrust me with the care and feeding of one of his treasured little babies. I'm hoping to honor Him with my stewardship of this little girl.
Justin
Attention: TDR Forum Junkies 
but so were (and are) a lots of other good parents. We both loved kids and loved the idea of being parents so decided to take the plunge and have kids while we were very young so we’d have the full life we both wanted. 
). This is not to disparage couples who are unable to conceive or have other medical reasons for remaining childless. My experience has tended to indicate the wisdom of having children while you are still young enough to be pretty flexible and before careers and other life issues become so all-consuming of time and attention. 
