Bad Jokes

[cap-n-cray]

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in

and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs.



The son is just a head!



But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with

love and compassion.



After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink.

Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and

orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy.



With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender

shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.



Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts

into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.



The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still

shakes his head in dismay.



Swoooop! Two arms pops out! The bar goes wild. The father,

crying and wailing, begs his son to drink

again.



The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores

the whole affair.



By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he

reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.



Swoooop! Two legs pop out.



The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully

thanks God.



The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the

left... . then to the right... . right through the front door, into the street,

where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.



The father moans in grief.





The bartender sighs and says...















(wait for it)































(it's coming)





































(Ya ready?)







































(don't hate me)















!



















(take a deep breath)





















































"He should have quit while he was a head!"



Sorry



Cary

 

[JPope]

Doc Tinker kind of question:



Is a bad joke, GOOD or BAD?

 

[B.G. Smith]

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGG!!!!!

 

[cap-n-cray]

Good or Bad?



Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their housework duties. The first man married a woman from Pennsylvania, and bragged that he had told her she was going to do all the dishes and all the house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.



The second man married a woman from Ohio. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He said that on the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.



The third man married a New York girl. He boasted that he had informed her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry washed. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye.





Cary

 

[klenger]

In the old west, a rancher goes into town to pickup his mail-order bride. One the way back to the ranch, the horse pulling the wagon stumbles. The rancher gets out, hits the horse, and says "that's one". Later on down the trail, the horse stops to eat some grasss along the road. The rancher gets out, hits the horse, and says "that's two". Further on down the road, the horse stumbles again. The rancher gets out, shoots the horse, and says "that's three". By now his new bride is really mad. She yells at him and says "Why did you do that? Your horse wasn't being that bad. " "That's one. "

 

[homeka45]

The local church had an opening for a bellringer and a man walked in and said he was interested. The priest said, "Great. let's go take a look at the bell tower and see if you can handle the mechanism. " So they get to the top of the steeple and just as they get near the bell mechanism the prospective employee trips and falls face first into the largest bell, then another 60' to the well of the bell tower. The priest calls the paramedics, they show up but the guy's injuries are too serious and he dies. When the cops interview the priest they ask what the guys name is and the priest says, " Gee, I don't know but his face sure rings a bell. "

Sooo, the next day another younger guy shows up and says, " My father would have insisted I honor our families ancient heritage as church bellringers from the old country. So the priest says he appreciates their sense of duty and sacrifice and he'd be happy to show the son around. As they get to the top wouldn't you know it but the son falls face first into the same bell and drops to the bottom of the tower in a crumpled heap. Again the same unfortunate outcome ensues and the police interview the disheartened padre. They again ask what the guy's name is and the priest shrugs and says, " Gee, I don't know but he's a dead ringer for his father. "

 

[NPloysa]

Bad!



What do you tell a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing! You told her twice!



And



What do you tell a girl with one black eye?

Thanks for listening!

 

[Ol'TrailDog]

I would like to see a humor forum. The last forum I read before logging off is the Dodge Truck World humor forum. I like to end the evening with a good laugh. :-laf



"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine"

Proverbs

 

[Doc Tinker]

Originally posted by Ol'TrailDog

I would like to see a humor forum.

I thought that's what the "Other" forum was all about. Wish you guys would quit talking about serious stuff here



Doc

 

[KBennett]

Originally posted by NPloysa

Bad!



What do you tell a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing! You told her twice!



And



What do you tell a girl with one black eye?

Thanks for listening!

Nice! I hope Mackenzie didn't see you post that!



Why don't women need a drivers license?

Because there are no roads between the bedroom and the kitchen

 

[RT66DOC]

Whaddya get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

 

[NPloysa]

Originally posted by RT66DOC

Whaddya get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

I'll bite, what?

 

[Jumbo Jet]

Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears, but every once in a while, you get lucky and find a piece of *** that brings tears to your eyes!

 

[RT66DOC]

Ah yes, JumboJet. The original line was "this cute little *** ... " Same difference, eh?



BTW, did you hear about the Irishman that went out of the bar... ?

 

[cap-n-cray]

A Real Sob Story... ... .

This little short guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his

drink. He's been sitting there for half an hour when this big

trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.



The poor little guy starts crying.



"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the

truck driver. "I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to

see a man crying. "

"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between

sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to

an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to

the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no

insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I

discovered I had forgotten my wallet in it. At home I found

my wife in bed with the gardener. So I came to this bar and

was thinking about putting an end to my life, and you show up

and drink the damn poison. "



Cary

 

[Peter Campbell]

One guy at a bar say --- Ahh me' wife is an angel.





The other one replies-aye- you'r a lucky man, but mine's still alive

 

[bmoeller]

If a blonde skydives, does her head whistle on the way down?

 

[cap-n-cray]

SOME PEOPLE NEVER RETIRE



One day, while walking to the store, I passed by a Nursing Home. On the front lawn were 6 old ladies laying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.



On my return trip, I passed the same Nursing Home with the same 6 old ladies laying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me and I went inside to talk to the manager. "Do you know there are 6 ladies laying naked on your front lawn?" "Yes," he said. "They are retired prostitutes and they're having a yard sale!"



Cary

 

[Cummins Pilot]

Oo.



I love it!



Why do women have such short feet?



So they can stand closer to the sink.

 

[fkovalski]

John Kerry walks into a bar...

the bartender says to him,

"Why the long face?"