Dear Diary,

[MCummings]

Dear Diary,

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do. "



One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion started to heat up, and she eventually said "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me. "I said "WHAT????!!!" So she said the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear: "You must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a woman. " I thought "what was her first clue?" I finally realized that nothing was going to happen that night so I went to sleep.



The very next day, we went shopping at a big dept store... . I walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her to take all three. She wanted matching shoes, I said "lets get a pair for each outfit. "We went to the jewelry dept. where she gets a pair of diamond earrings.



Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said it was ok. She was almost sexually excited from all of this. You should have seen her face when she said "I think this is all dear, lets go to the cash register. "



I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out "No honey, I don't feel like buying all of this stuff now. " You should have seen her face... it went completely blank. I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. " And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man. "

-----------



Merrick

 

[NETim]

Now THAT'S what I call living dangerously!



Tim

 

[HoleshotHolset]

:-laf :-laf :-laf



That was a good one... . !



Matt

 

[Whitmore]

OH YES, I must try this one hehehehehehe



Cheers, Kevin

 

[lschultz]

Now thats a man thats got ba***.

 

[catoiler]

Any takers on how long this marrage will last??

 

[Whitmore]

Seems these females just dont understand the sexual appetite of a man, my wife and I recently had this descussion and she recomended that we would have sex on every day that starts with a T so my response to her was



Tuesday

Thursday

Today

Tomorrow

Taderday

Tunday



I guess this means that every day has potential.



Cheers, Kevin

 

[JLEONARD]

That was a good one... . !

And he hasn't posted since?????

Hmmm.....

 

[Steve M]

He's probably been very busy! And for what it's worth... "That's a real man".

 

[klenger]

I had a friend that said that his wife cut him back to once every 6 months, but said he's not complaining because he knows some guys she cut off completly.

 

[MCummings]

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a

story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying



"God bless Mommy,

God bless daddy,

God bless grandma

and good-bye grandpa. "



The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said,” II don't know daddy; it just seemed like the

thing to do. " The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this:



"God bless Mommy,

God Bless daddy

and good-bye grandma. "

The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:



"God bless Mommy

and good-bye daddy. "



He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.



He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the

clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the

end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his

watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what’s the matter?"



He said "I don't want to talk about it; I've just spent the worst day

of my life. "







She said,” You think you had abad day, you'll never believe what

happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch. "



~~~

Merrick

 

[lschultz]

You ain't right MCummings

 

[MCummings]

Hehe,



Thanks for the coments guys,, gives me a to put on my face for the day.



I found these as I was browsing the web, although I do plan to try the first one out when my girl and I get married, all though, I know she's a sexaholic.



Merrick

 

[johnrv4]

It all changes

, all though, I know she's a sexaholic.

LOL, all that changes AFTER you get married



Funny jokes though

 

[MCummings]

Well, I sure hope it changes after we get married. Since we aren't living together, or having, um, doing, er, "Maritals".



Merrick

 

[crobertson1]

Merrick, you're the bomb!

 

[GIT-R-DONE]

Hey, Merrick, make sure you tell her that if she doesn't feed you at home , your going out to eat.

 

[dpuckett]

That "I dotn feel like it after all; just hold me" BS is a big part of the reason my ex and I broke it off. Go through that enough times, and you get to where your engine dont always crank; what's the point of starting the engine when you aint gonna go anywhere? When will women realize there is a certain point of no return; when certain things have to be followed through? Probably when we get in touch with their emotional needs. Heck, I dont even worry about my own "emotional needs", what makes hers so special?

 

[TomGolden]

I'll keep this PG13 rated...



The Groom was standing tall at the alter, with a huge grin on his face, because he had just received the most fantastic "gift" from his about-to-be bride.



The Bride walked confidently down the isle with a huge grin on her face, because she knew she had just given the last "gift" of her life.







Another:



In the imortal words of my hero - Al Bundy:

"Retirement is when a woman marries or a man dies. "



Another:



Medical research has recently found a food that has been shown in countless clinical trials to reduce a woman's sex drive by 90%: it's called Wedding Cake.



All said in fun, of course



By the way Merrick, I wish you the very best in the Big Endeavor. May you certainly have more success at it than I did.

 

[MCummings]

Originally posted by TomGolden

By the way Merrick, I wish you the very best in the Big Endeavor. May you certainly have more success at it than I did.

Sorry about your situation



Thanks Tom for the well wishes. So far we've been dating 2 years, and 4 months (that's the ballpark atleast )



We have a good relationship, agree on alot of things, and in general are very compatable. I realize there are somethings she likes to do that I do not, and vice-versa. That's ok with me, because I know when she is finished doing what she likes to do (usually looking at poems on the internet, or listening to her wayy to fast for me punk music, I like heavy guitars, and rock, but her music is too fast for me, I can't keep up), she comes running back to me with big 'ole puppy eyes, just waiting to be cuddled.



Future looks bright,, If only I could get my 4x4 running again, hehe.



BTW, she is fully supportive of my business, and the work I've done on my truck. That's too cool. I only need $1-2K more, and this truck will be seriously ready to rock and roll, and she's looking forward to that.



Merrick