Fighting Words

[Missouri Mule]

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a

Christmas gift . The next year he didn't buy her a gift. When his wife asked

him why, he replied, "Well, she still hasn't used the gift I bought her last

year!" And that's how the fight started..... --------------------------



My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?" I replied,

"Dust"!

And that's how the fight started.....

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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy

with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,

fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment. ' The husband

replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect. ' And that's how the fight

started... ...

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds. I bought her a scale. And that's how the fight started... ...

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I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?' And

that's how the fight started... .

--------------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14. 95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7. 95. I told her the beer would

make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight

started.....

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[JGamble]

My wife said she wanted something to vibrate and make her happy while I am deployed in the Military.

I gave her the keys to my Cummins and told her exactly where the bumpiest road is... .

That is how the fight started...

 

[Missouri Mule]

:-laf:-laf:-laf:-laf

 

[Loghead]

My wife's uncle died last year, and his cremated remains were placed in the large family cemetery.

My mother in law, standing at the edge of the cemetery for fear of the mud, thought that the urn had been placed in her spot beside my late father in law.



She asked me to go check the situation out as soon as I had time.



I called her as soon as I had a look.



"I've got good news and I've got bad news"



"Your spot is still open, but you'll be buried next to an ash-hole"



No groans please...