Attention: TDR Forum Junkies 
For those of us that don't know about history ... Here is an update:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the
foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for
the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can
were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the
brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and
doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning
of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy,
group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and
still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters,
rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical
doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of
the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works
productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why
most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and
created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the
foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for
the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can
were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the
brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and
doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning
of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy,
group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and
still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters,
rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical
doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of
the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works
productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why
most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and
created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
